I’m Not Dead Yet

So, I went to see Dr. Jimmy, the other day, and he seems to think it is unlikely that I have a blood clot, despite the overwhelming evidence on the internet to the contrary.  Because I love Dr. Jimmy (in a completely Hippocratic way, of course), I feel somewhat relieved.  To be honest, I almost did not go to see Dr. Jimmy because my leg felt a lot better on the day of my appointment, but we haven’t seen each other in awhile, so I did not want to hurt his feelings by canceling my appointment.

Plus, I wasn’t sure if they had one of those 24-hour cancellation policies requiring me to pay anyway, so I might as well go and try to get my co-pay’s worth.

Dr. Jimmy, like me, has a Dorfenbergerthalumus that overheats when he is late.  This is a very rare trait in doctors, as many of you will attest, I am sure.  My appointment was at 11:30.  At 11:40, the nurse called me back to the exam room, and asked me a few questions.  After taking my blood pressure, which is one of the few medical tests I always ace, she walked out, and said that Dr. Jimmy would be in soon.  About 60 seconds later, I heard my chart being taken out of its pocket on the front of the door, a quick knock, and Dr. Jimmy strode in.

“That was fast!” I commented.

“No, it wasn’t,” he frowned.  “What time was your appointment?”

“11:30,” I said.

He looked at his watch, and shook his head, frowning.  “I hate running late.  But I’ve had a couple of people this morning who had more than one issue.  I don’t mind if they need to talk about multiple problems, but I wish they would tell the office when they make the appointment, so we can plan enough time for them.”

I tsk-tsked, completely sympathetic, despite the fact that, the day before, I had considered doing the same exact thing when my throat morphed into a volcano.  “I’ll just have to ask Dr. Jimmy about that, too,” I thought, as I swallowed a Zyrtec-D, which calmed the volcano, making my near Appointment Faux-Pas wholly unnecessary.  I didn’t have enough time between the throat scare (is it strep?  Oh, my God, if I don’t get it diagnosed in time, I’m going to die of Scarlet Fever.  Or, at least be blinded like Mary in Little House on the Prairie.  I am not nice like Mary.  Blindness would definitely not improve my temperament…) and my appointment to imagine any other new ailments, so, mercifully, I only had one enigma for him to solve.

Of course, he could not solve it.  Because there is probably nothing wrong.  At least nothing life-threatening.  But it helps to have him say, “No, I don’t think you’re going to die from a pulmonary embolism.”  It’s definitely worth the $15.

Even if he does smile a bit and shake his head.

Wonderbutt waiting in the chair for another chance to give me a blood clot. He is looking away because he is mad at me for walking past the chair instead of settling in and folding myself like a pretzel so he can get comfortable.

Wonderbutt – still waiting, completely forlorn that I have not joined him in the chair for our nightly ritual.  Don’t worry – I sat with him after that.  Didn’t want the poor guy to die of a broken heart.  Though that would be fitting revenge for giving me a blood clot.

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Posted on November 17, 2012, in Death, Disease of the Day, Doctors, Dogs, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Oh My God I am so going to borrow that Little House reference! Pure genius!

    I am glad to hear you do not have a blood clot. They aren’t as fun as they sound.

  2. relieved to know it’s not a blood clot and i really need your doctor. i have to wait hours to see mine and by that time i almost feel better and am ready to go home and wait for it to pass.

  3. I just knew you were my SSFAM! I, too, suffer from Dorfenbergerthalumus. LM assures me this is so. He’s far more loosey-goosey about time.

    I have also had Scarlet Fever (true) and I am still here to tell the tale. So very glad your blood clot wasn’t. :-)

  4. Haha. I am glad that you got it checked out. It’s too bad we hypochondriacs have to do that, though. I wonder if the sense part of our brain just never developed…

    Wow, a doctor that is on time! That’s incredible. I’ve sat in offices waiting several hours for an appointment. My mom never let us just leave after the first hour and would wait a second. I never understood why.

  5. I don’t know about Little House on the Prairie, but every now and then they show somebody on the 6:00 news who had undiagnosed strep throat that spread to their brain and killed them. Just sayin’. I never rule out a brain infection when I am randomly self-diagnosing.

  6. This doctor sounds most unusual. Glad your leg doesn’t have to be amputated!

  7. I don’t think Wonderbutt is going to die of a broken heart. Don’t start looking that one up on google. It’ll only cost you more doctors visits. Glad he hasn’t given you a blood clot – you silly thing you :D

  8. Glad you are all good. Stop looking for cures on the internet and many of the pains will go away, you will see. :-)

  9. Do you think that what you have is so unique that Dr Jimmy just doesn’t want to talk to you about it until he’s had a chance to publish the case study?

  10. Ah, the beauty of selfd-diagnosis via the internet…it’s a beautiful thing…

  11. Glad you are okay and its not a blood clot!

  12. Your doctor sounds like a dream! I have waited for hours in the doctor’s office before. Glad your check-up turned out OK. Oh my gosh – Little House on the Prairie always freaked me out! It was as if every episode someone in the Ingall’s family was sick, blinded or lost. Never a healthy moment in that household!

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