In Your Face, Facebook!
I love it when scientific studies positively reinforce my choice to neglect something that is supposedly good for me. No matter that the choice is based on laziness or stubbornness, or both, on my part. Science. Says. I’m right.
My sister, Crash, decided that, since I refused to resolve to do anything for the new year, she would decide what I needed to do. Her goal for me is to join Facebook. She informed me of this goal a couple of times, and then nagged gently prodded me by sending me an e-mail invitation to view her Facebook pictures.
If you’ve read my highly engaging and slightly entertaining post, “Don’t Hate Me Because I Don’t Like You”, then you are aware of my feelings about Facebook. If you haven’t read that post, you are probably still aware of my feelings about Facebook, considering that: it is 2013, I am 40-something years old, my sister is trying to browbeat me into using it, and I don’t like anyone.
I was starting to crumble under the pressure. To be honest, I’m beginning to tire of conversations that go like this :
“Hey, are you going to Selena’s baby shower?”
“What? I didn’t know she was having a baby!”
“She isn’t. Her daughter is.”
“Oh my God! She has a daughter?!!!”
“You really need to check your Facebook. By the way, are you and your husband having problems? His latest status is ‘single’.”
Now I know that last one is not true. Because my husband does not have a Facebook account, either. I think.
Anyway, the point is that I was starting to feel a bit left out because people keep forgetting to tell me things in person since they figure I already know because it’s posted on their Facebook page. I was beginning to think I will be the only one sitting in a chair with my bulldog, reading Little Women, while the rest of the nation burrows into bomb shelters – all because the End of the World got announced on Facebook instead of the Emergency Broadcast System.
And then I heard the news report.
I knew it! I knew there was a reason I shouldn’t do it.
According to the SCIENTIFIC study, Facebook makes you fat because it makes you feel “popular and happy” about your image. More self-esteem gives you less self-control.
Ah hah! My evil sister is trying to give me more self-esteem!
I knew she always hated me.
I introduce you to the face of my sister, Crash. She does not have self-esteem issues. And she’s not fat. She defies scientific explanation.
Posted on January 11, 2013, in Blogging, Crash, Family, Humor, Sisters and tagged Crash, Facebook, family, humor, life, random, self-esteem, sisters, social network, weight. Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.
I’m not on FB, either. I dumped it, and I don’t miss it. Here’s the thing. People post and assume everyone sees it, but not everything shows up in the feed of every friend. Something to do with their algorithms. It’s one reason why I dropped my account. It’s useless to promote a blog over there without paying to do so.
Maybe between the two of us, we can deduce when the World is Going to End and keep each other informed.
It’s tough to keep up with all the changes in the world. I thought you’d be interested to know some Scot has invented this device he’s calling, get this, a telephone. Like that will ever catch on.
Ha. Ha. You’d be surprised at my technological know-how in other areas besides Facebook. I’m not a complete Luddite, you know.
I’m on Facebook, but it gets on my nerves.
Yesterday a girl wanted to pick up a fight over a comment I made on a friend’s pic. She was not even on the pic. She got frustrated because I was not getting into the fight, and then said something nasty about my pic (a pic of a dog dressed as nun), I just said one little thing back at her, I sad that I’ve never seen a cow riding a horse (her pic was her on a horse). She flipped out, I had fun.
If you ever succumb and join Facebook you’ll see who is who when elections approach, it turns into Hunger Games.
I have actually had several friends make that observation about politics on Facebook. Maybe in the future we can resort to Facebook wars instead of the real thing.
I never would’ve pegged you a Facebook snob! But I know plenty. Get it together, woman! Toss Little Women, make that handsome bulldog your profile picture and join us fat people in the 21st century!!
I’m not really a snob; I’m just stubborn and lazy. And afraid to add one more addiction to my growing list.
You are a wise, wise woman! Maybe NOT getting a Facebook account can be your resolution for 2013?
I probably wouldn’t have Facebook if I didn’t have so many friends and family outside of Washington.
J doesn’t have a Facebook either but he enjoys all the pros (funny pics and friend updates) of my FB’ing without the responsibility of upkeeping his own – lucky dog.
J is a wise man! Maybe I can convince Cap’n Firepants to start an account, and I can live vicariously through him.
If I didn’t check Facebook, how would I know that it is my sister’s birthday?
So true! I think you will remember, because it is quite obvious to me that you have an excellent memory!
That’s hilarious. I had to get a facebook because my friends didn’t try to talk to me or anything like that until I got one. It was just more convenient for them than picking up the cell phone in their pocket and texting me I guess.
If I was your age, I would totally have one. I was less stubborn and lazy when I was younger.
I always KNEW Facebook promotes obesity! Yet I’m an addict. And the cycle continues.
Funnily enough, I found two different studies that say it makes you fat – for completely opposite reasons. One is that it boosts your self-esteem to all of these compliments and feedback from your friends. And the other says that it lowers your self-esteem because you become jealous of everyone else’s awesome lives. Since I’m already depressed, I’m not really sure where that would all level out for me, but I’m pretty sure being fat(ter) would probably not boost my self-esteem.
Who knew? I avoided Facebook for a long time, but I’ve actually grown to like it. I hate talking on the phone, so Facebook snippets are pretty much my only connection to other human beings.
Soon, like a goldfish, my butt will grow to fill the dimensions of my desk chair…
You do make a good selling point there. I absolutely despise talking to people on the phone. And talking face to face has lost its appeal, too. Maybe I better rethink this plan.
Hi our friend!!!
Please accept our apologies for being absent lately.. our blog tomorrow will explain what is up…. oooh… I love to hate FB… I’ve tried to get ppl to switch to anything else…. and unless I truly like someone to heck with them… LOL… we will be catching up this week with your posts! We have missed our daily visits….
God Bless You!
The Collies and chuck
Thanks for visiting. No worries! I always have faith you are out there!
My person says she likes Facebook for keeping up with friends who live far away – but sometimes I have to keep jumping up and down just to get her off the computer.
That is yet another worry of mine. I already spend too much time in front of the screen!
I think most of the planet has a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Except for those people who feel the need to write every minute. But I have obliterated them. I have a question: Would you be willing to write a post for my Guerrilla Aging blog? You can write to me at lifeintheboomerlane@gmail.com. –Renee
I can always find my kids through facebook. 7 unanswered calls, ringing around the universe trying to locate them and log in to facebook and there they are!
I was a “hater” for a long time too, sometimes necessity creates the need, now I can’t keep off the thing!!
I have a feeling I will be singing a different tune when Dimples starts her own account. Lately she has been texting me in the house with her iPod, so I’m sure she will graduate to never speaking to me once Facebook is in her life.
Ha, Fitty and I have computers right next to each other, and yet we still chat on facebook!
Kooky as sin isn’t it?
I have heard many people confess the same!
FB won’t rest until we are all dociley farming virtual tracts of land while rubbing out our neighbors in Mafia Wars.
ARE THERE MAFIA WARS?!!!! Now, we’re talking.
Step awaaaaaay from the Zuckerberg.
I might need an intervention.
I’ve tried FB. Too hard to keep up with all the crap. How many friends does it take to rate one as normal?
I stopped trying achieve normal many, many years ago.
omg. i am so happy i went back to read this one. i just snorted. a bunch of times. this is hilarious and thank you for letting me know that it’s FACEBOOK that’s making me fat. so, i can drink beer and eat chocolate again? ;o) as soon as you are on facebook (because it IS inevitable) i am stalking you.
I agree that it is inevitable. Even my stubbornness has its limits.
I have been off facebook for close to a year now and don’t miss it. My mom is constantly trying to make me feel like I should though- with the same “Aunt Pris and Uncle Jim are moving. You would know if you were on Facebook” type of thing. I felt like I had to check in with it on a daily basis and I didn’t like that feeling. I also hated the raging politic discussions. Tell Crash it’s not worth your time!!
You have completely convinced me that I am right – even more so than the scientific studies!
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