More Proof that I am a Horrible Dog Mom

Wonderbutt taking a break from reading his Oprah magazine

Wonderbutt taking a break from reading his Oprah magazine

Friends and family might tell you that I am a fairly ethical person.  (If the topic came up.  But, really, why would it?  I mean, are you going to be standing around together at some bar talking about how the Cowboys lost again, and then say, “Hey, you know that Mrs. Cap’n Firepants?  Would you say that she is ethical?”)  The truth, though, whether you choose to discuss it or not, is that I am less ethical than I am scared of being caught doing something wrong.  Which really stems from my caring way too much about what other people think about me.  And that pretty much explains everything about me in a nutshell, according to my psychiatrist anyway.

The reason this makes me a horrible dog mom is that our dog, Wonderbutt, has been limping for a week and a half.  He has done this before, and recovered in about 5 or 6 days.  But he does not seem to be recovering this time.  So, I’m thinking he needs to be taken to the vet.  But I don’t want to take him.  Because I know that they are going to say the only way they can help him is going to cost me a million dollars and 95 cents.  And then I’m going to have to sell a lung or something.  Which leads me back to the problem of worrying about getting caught, because I think that’s kind of illegal.

The thing is, I have had a brochure on Pet Insurance on my desk for the last year, and I keep putting off purchasing it because I’m too lazy to do the research on the 65 different pet insurance companies and Consumer Reports says that I would do just as well to open a savings account for my pet (which I haven’t done, either).  Considering that I only have $2 in my daughter’s savings account, I figure the dog probably should not take precedence.  Of course, the daughter does have health insurance – just maybe not a future college education.  But, does my dog need a future college education?

Now I’m confused.

I realize, now, that if I had the Pet Insurance it might offset some of the million dollars.  But I don’t.  But I could get it, and then I could hang out for the waiting period, and then take Wonderbutt in to the vet.

But I can’t do that.

Besides the fact that I’ve just advertised that I even entertained the thought of trying to take advantage of that little loophole, there is the small matter of the fact that I always get caught when I do something wrong.  Always.

Plus, there is the possibility that Wonderbutt is in pain.  Though it’s hard to tell because he always looks unhappy, and he is snoring and farting just as much as usual.

To compound my guilt, I ran across this product, and immediately thought, “What idiot would buy this?  IF MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THE TIME TO STRAP A FIREPROOF COAT ONTO MY DOG!”  And then I felt bad.  Especially when I read the part about protecting my dog from falling objects when we walk through construction areas.  I can’t believe that I am so selfish that I haven’t already bought this for Wonderbutt just in case Wile E. Coyote tries to drop an anvil on him the next time we go for a walk.

Which we can’t even do because the poor dog is limping.

I suck.

UPDATE:  I just realized that I should not advertise this coat as being Anvil Proof.  I don’t really think it can keep you from getting smushed by an anvil.  So, if this is a real concern of yours, please don’t buy this coat based on my advice.  Truth be told, I am not really advising that you buy this product at all.  (I’m covered, legally, now.  Right?)

About these ads

Posted on November 26, 2013, in Dogs, Fashion, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I hear kidneys bring more money than lungs and it may be legal in Mexico except that some old guy who smells and chews will chop it out. I have this ongoing thing with my old cat all the time. A month ago I thought he was dying (he’s very dramatic) and it cost me almost $200 to find out he is fine but a drama queen. Good luck with Wonderbutt.

  2. Does ObamaCare not cover Bulldogs?

  3. I’m a horrible myself mom. Too often I’m like, “I should probably go to the doctor,” but I don’t. I hope Wonderbutt gets better.

  4. This Sydney Life asked if ObamaCare covered bulldogs. Perhaps they would cover the liver/lung extraction??? Hope the boy gets well quickly.

  5. Buying the insurance and then waiting til it kicks in to go to the vet isn’t “doing something wrong”, or unethical, or illegal.
    Treat you and WB. Get the insurance.

  6. I can’t believe you don’t already own this for Wonderbutt. I mean, honestly! Protect that dog from anvils, why don’t you?!!!

  7. My sister in law was just telling me about how her dog had to have another surgery and I was thinking, holy moly how do you afford that, and then she explained pet insurance to me- which I knew nothing about. I guess I would go with the insurance since it would seem weird if wonderbutt had a super huge bank acct and Dimples only had $2. :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,153 other followers

%d bloggers like this: