A Perfect Day Gone Hopelessly Awry

Yesterday was supposed to be a Whole Day of No Obligation according to the orthodox Firepants Family calendar.  Friday night, I informed the entire family, since they never pay attention to the Firepants Family calendar.  I generously offered that all members were welcome to participate, but to keep in mind that, no matter what, I was not obligated to do a thing.

(I was telling one of my girlfriends about this sacred day, and she asked what it meant, and I said that I don’t have to clean or cook for my family, and she said, “Since when do you ever cook for your family?” which was a very good question, and made me think that I probably need to redefine this whole unHoly day.)

Everyone seemed on board with the idea.  Cap’n Firepants was going to be out all day anyway, and Dimples was more than happy to accept a 24-hour respite from me nagging her about chores.  There was only one problem…

Wonderbutt.

According to our bulldog, every day is one of complete obligation – to him.  No holidays allowed.

A WDoNO begins with me sleeping as late as I possibly want.  Cap’n Firepants very quietly got ready for his meeting and left the house around 7:00 a.m.  I sunk back into luxurious sleep.

A persistent moan started to interfere with my dreams.  I opened one eye, and looked at the clock.  7:45.

I didn’t have to look far for the moaner.  Wonderbutt was right next to the bed, staring me down.  (I would like to point out that Wonderbutt does not whine.  He moans.  Like Moaning Myrtle in Harry Potter.  And really not less annoying.)

I tried to explain that he should have gotten up with Cap’n Firepants to eat breakfast, but Wonderbutt does not like to eat with Cap’n Firepants.  In fact, when invited to eat by my husband, Wonderbutt gives Cap’n Firepants the same look that I was probably giving Wonderbutt at that moment.  A not very nice look that anyone trying to coax me from my bed is very stupid.

But the pillow I placed over my head did not cancel out the moaning.

I got up, and fed the dog.

Then I went back to bed.

Wonderbutt returned.  With his squeaky toy.  I took it away, and threw it in the sink.

Wonderbutt moaned.  But he finally gave up and decided to fall asleep on the floor next to the bed.  And snore.

Snoring is easy to block out with a pillow.

Then the doorbell rang.

Wonderbutt woke up.

I couldn’t tell him to stop barking because then the person at the door would know that I was home.  And I didn’t want the person at the door to know that I was home because then he or she would know that I am a very rude person who refuses to answer doorbells.  And that I am very lazy to still be in bed at 9:00 on a Saturday morning.  I forgot to put the sign up on the door that I was observing a Whole Day of No Obligation, which included not being obliged to answer the door.

The person at the door was very persistent, ringing the doorbell 4 times.  I realized that he was a burglar trying to make certain that no one was home.  I debated whether I would break my vow of a Whole Day of No Obligation to whack a burglar over the head with a baseball bat.  Then I realized that was silly.  We don’t even own a baseball bat.

I went back to bed.

My phone vibrated off the nightstand.

It was our neighbor.

“It’s National Margarita Day, and we are inviting you over tonight to celebrate!”

I panicked.  Socializing with neighbors is an obligation.  Drinking margaritas is not.  Unless it’s actually a day that requires it.  How could I have been so ignorant as to schedule a Whole Day of No Obligation on the same day as National Margarita Day?

Note to Self – Next year, schedule Whole Day of No Obligation for day after National Margarita Day.

And lock Wonderbutt in the pantry with his dog food.

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Posted on February 23, 2014, in Family, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I never want a dog. I thought I did. Now I don’t. I have many WDoNO days/periods of days and do not want dogs messing them up.

  2. Perhaps Captain Firepants can take Wonderbutt with him to any meetings planned on your next Whole Day of No Obligation…? Maybe?

  3. Eek I didn’t know that either about that dogs. So demanding and high maintance. And I have nothing in my life that is the slightest of either of those. ;)

  4. I regularly schedule “jammies days” and announce them to the world, including a fb post. A jammies day means I am going no where for anyone at any time; I am not getting dressed or taking a shower; I am lounging on the couch for the duration of the day watching television or playing on my computer.

    Even my cats are on their own for the day.

    … Unless a friend invites me out for margaritas and/or cards. Then I might put on some sweats and walk out the door. Maybe. Better be a good margarita.

    :>

  5. The best laid plans….. But margaritas! Yay!

  6. mom would love that day both days for that matter … wags and dogie kisses

  7. I hope there is a sequel to this. I laughed my way through this episode!

  8. Yes, that would have been some great scheduling, now wouldn’t it?

  9. There’s a National Margarita Day and nobody told me?!? Wow, lucky I read your blog. Now I’ll have to go and drink margaritas in penance for missing the official day.

  10. Did you think about sending WB over for a margarita?

    hehehe

  11. Were they….frozen margaritas? I think frozen ones that you don’t have to make yourself are equal to or greater than a Wonderbutt morning. Maybe.

  12. Wonderbutt and the Puggles should get together and go bowling. On second thought, they probably already do, because they pull the same crap. I only knew about National Margarita Day because they started telling us about it at work a week in advance (and no, I don’t work at a bar, or at a tequila manufacturer). At any rate, I hope you either shared margaritas with Wonderbutt, or rebelled by drinking bourbon.

  13. AND TO THINK I forgot to celebrate!!! Dammit. It’s so funny because I have a similar story that I’ve been meaning to blog about, except in my case it WAS a crazy psycho. (I survived, though.)

    BTW – remember when you were all “I might have called it ‘The N!colas Blog’?” I’m thinking I might do that! If so, to whom should I make out the check?

  14. Margaritas and no obligations – it’s (almost” perfect!! I really love this unHoly day of yours. You’re truly brilliant, you know!

    I’ll take WB off your hands during your WDoNO if you take Cobalt for mine. This post was way too relateable: I got to sleep for an extra hour this morning but NOOOOO. The little turd was pacing around the bedroom, clicking his overgrown claws along the hardwood floor hallway, whining that his breakfast was 30 minutes overdue, LICKING any part of my body not enveloped in blankets. He’s lucky to be alive…

  1. Pingback: Plans awry « Minkyweasel World

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