Exactly How Many Calories are There in Styrofoam?

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, seems a bit put out lately – possibly because we have been restricting his food intake the last couple of weeks.  Note that I said, “food intake”.  If you know anything about the history of Wonderbutt, you won’t be surprised to learn that his intake of everything but food has not decreased at all.  You can see from the widget on the left that he has miraculously made it almost a year without devouring our new living room furniture – but I’m not sure his self-control will last much longer.

It’s hard to explain to a dog why you are feeding him less, and that binging on beds with no nutritional value is not a healthy habit.

Wonderbutt’s bed, yet another one of our wise investments

Like I said, it’s hard to explain.

I am Thankful for My Favorite Anti-Depressant

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, does not really understand the whole concept of our American Thanksgiving.

 

He seemed a bit miffed when I mentioned that he will not be feasting with the rest of us.

Despite his lack of social skills, I am thankful for Wonderbutt.  It’s ironic that a dog who looks so mournful all of the time can always put a smile on my face.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Firepants Family!

 

 

This Just In – Wonderbutt Chooses a Candidate

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, did his research and carefully made his U.S. presidential election selection:

Wanted: A Trampoline with a Slingshot – and Maybe a Pig or Two

A new text from my deprived, overweight bulldog, Wonderbutt:

And the video that inspired me to consider the addition of a trampoline to his weight loss program:

At Least He Doesn’t Text and Drive

Wonderbutt telling me I better buckle up.

 

So, here are a few very recent texts from our bulldog, Wonderbutt:

I refuse to buy him the new iPhone.

He can have my old one.

Now, Where Did I Put My Gas Mask?

So, as usual, our house is a construction zone, and our bulldog, Wonderbutt, has to have his nose in everything.  Based on his text messages to me, his interpretation of things is a bit different than ours…

 

 

He acts all macho, but you should have seen him jump the first time the “new dog farted”!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Refuse to Get Him the iPhone 5

A couple more correspondences between me and our texting bulldog, Wonderbutt:

 

Too much barking. Or too much pizza. It’s a toss-up.

Another Reason Why I Don’t Need a Gun

I don’t think I ever gave a first, or second, or third reason for not owning a gun.  But, I’m pretty sure you don’t care.  Anyway, here is another text from Wonderbutt, the bulldog, explaining why I have nothing to fear – besides him.

Thank goodness Wonderbutt protects us from Evil Lizard Monsters.

Who R U Calling Fat?

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, has become adept at texting.  He is not so adept at social skills.

 

 

Wonderbutt has started lifting weights to work on slimming down.

If You Really Missed Me Last Week, I’d Rather Not Know

I returned home from my week at Harvard yesterday. Everything was on time, except my ride home from the airport.  Leave it to Cap’n Firepants to strand me at the curb.

In the car on the way back to the house, everyone’s expectations were high for Wonderbutt’s reaction to my homecoming.  Dimples assured me that he had missed me, evidenced by his decision to pee on the floor twice while I was gone.  I reflected back on how many people in my life have expressed their feelings toward me this same exact way, and realized that I may have misinterpreted their actions.  Ah, it’s good to be loved.

When we got to the house, and entered, Wonderbutt was in the Kitchen Corral with Mrs. P.I.B.  I put down my bag, and went over to release the hounds by moving the baby gate.  Wonderbutt did not seem to be surprised that I had suddenly reappeared.  Once the gate was moved, he gave my jeans a couple of sniffs.  Unimpressed, he raced to the front door to see if anyone more exciting would be coming through the portal.

Using Dimples’ logic, I suppose the only way to tell that Wonderbutt was moved by my return was that he neglected to mark any territory in the hallway last night.  I’ve had better greetings, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.

A Happy Wonderbutt. Can’t You Tell?