Last night, Dimples (9) asked the Cap’n (my husband) if he would like to play Kinect after a hard day’s work, and the dear man, bless him, said, “Yes.” He could tell how much Dimples wanted to do something with him after she had been stuck with me for an entire day. Then, in a completely unprecedented move, the Cap’n said, “Isn’t there a yoga one we can do?” Which just about rocketed me out of the arm chair. The Cap’n. Does. Not. Do. Yoga. Generally, he and Dimples like to crash cars into each other or raft on rivers. (For those of you who are not familiar with Kinect, it is a video game on your television that is hooked up to a camera. The camera records you moving and incorporates it into the video game, so that your character on the screen moves the same way. If you missed my posts on the ridiculous lengths I went through to get this game for my family, you might want to read them to learn how NOT to buy a Christmas gift for your loved ones.)
Because we have concrete floors, I insist, despite Dimples’ extremely vehement complaints paired with eye-rolling about my over-protectivenessof her growing bones, that a large mat be rolled out onto the floor whenever Kinect is played in bare feet. Wonderbutt seems to think this is his royal blue carpet. As it is, both he and Mrs. P.I.B. do not understand the whole Kinect concept – confusing the poor camera to no end by jumping around next to us as we play, often resulting in the unattractive sight of dog butts flying in and out of the television screen.
We set up the yoga mat, and Wonderbutt, who had been happily chomping on a bone on his new Wonderbutt bed, immediately headed for the foam mat. Let the records show that Wonderbutt likes foam of any kind. But this time, instead of attacking the mat, he brought his bone with him, and, without hesitation, set up shop on the mat, right between Cap’n Firepants’ legs.
When we tried to coax him back to his bed, he didn’t even pause from his bone-chewing, completely ignoring us as if to say, “You just go right ahead with what you were doing. Don’t mind me.”
I would like to say that the yoga ensued with Wonderbutt beneath, but Cap’n Firepants was not feeling quite that flexible. Wonderbutt got a quick referral to the Captain’s galley, and I had to pretend that I was not looking – and certainly not smirking – as the Cap’n and Dimples Bow Wowed to the Moon or whatever they were doing.
About an hour later, having finished the yoga portion of the evening, we three humans had retreated to the Forbidden Section of the house in order to perform various important tasks. After a time at the computer, I walked out into the hall, and discovered that Wonderbutt had pulled the entire yoga mat to the baby gated border of the Forbidden Section – and proceeded to attempt to ingest it.
I will be the first to admit that we all bore equal responsibility for the desecration of the yoga mat, having foolishly abandoned it in the UNForbidden Section known to be populated by the insatiable Wonderbutt. My favorite part of the whole experience, however, was when Dimples asked, “Can you buy a new one, Mom? I liked that mat.”