Alcoholic Heroes

So, I am thinking that, with my personal history of being unprepared to say the right thing when the moment presents itself, I would be well advised to start giving some thought to some conversations I can predict I will have with my daughter as she grows older. An ad for an upcoming television show determined the first topic of this new series which I’ve decided to call “What I Mean to Say.” I am hoping if I start to rehearse now, at least a few months before the situation arises, I will be able to avoid painting myself into a corner.


So, the first topic is drinking.  Alcohol.  Okay, you might think that my eight year old daughter isn’t going to bring this up any time soon.  But you don’t know my daughter.  And you don’t know how long it takes me to practice my lines.  But let’s just start with the script.  Here’s how I imagine it going…


“About that party you’re going to tonight…”




“There might be alcohol there…”


“Of course there will be,” I say. (Oh,you thought I was the wallflower stuck at home on a Friday night just because I’m a mom?)


“Well, how come you can drink alcohol and I can’t?”


“Oh, you wouldn’t like the way it tastes, sweetie.”


“That argument stopped working when I was 10 and you let me have a sip of your daiquiri.”


“Definitely a lapse in judgement.  Which just goes to show you what can happen when you drink.”


“So,why do you drink?”


“Ummmm.  Wait a second, let’s go back to the first question.  Why is it okay for me to drink?”


“Did you think of an answer yet?”


“Yes.  It is legal for me, and not legal for you.”


“But we just studied the civil rights movement and a lot of people who broke the law are our heroes now.”


“Yes, but you are not a hero.”


“You always tell me that I’m your hero.”


“Uh, yes.” I look around.


Crap.  I’m stuck in the corner again.


Posted on August 6, 2011, in Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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