In Which I Announce that I am Not Pregnant and I Refuse to Do Porn (Probably)

I apologize.  That was kind of a low blow yesterday, teasing you with a Big Announcement on today’s post.  I think I was feeling a bit desperate when I realized how little I actually had to say.

Here’s the deal.  I have this friend who is training to do his first full marathon.  It’s a goal he has because he’s about to turn thirty.

He’s psyched about accomplishing this.  And I am sure he will.  He is Very Fit.  And I,well, I am,  uh – well, I’m not Unfit (except maybe as a mother). When was the last time you were able to run around the living room 10 times dragging a fifty pound Wonderbutt clenched like a vise onto the squeaky toy you’re holding?  So, I am Somewhat Fit.  But I just have no desire to do a marathon.

And another thing.  How is running a marathon a major achievement when you are a Very Fit P.E. teacher who is TWENTY-NINE?  Let me hear about a SIXTY-NINE year old who sits around playing World of Warcraft all day completing a marathon (the running kind), and I’ll throw a party for him.

So, then, I noticed Blue Speckled Pup has taken on a three day manuscript challenge.  Which sounds just as hard as a friggin’ marathon in my opinion.  Again, I am kind of middling qualified for this – I could do a scrapbook retreat for three days maybe.

I was really beginning to feel left out in all of this Bucket-List-milestone stuff when I got a pamphlet in the mail.   And I am pretty confident no one I know, and probably no one who has read this, can claim the following accomplishment:

Adult Spelling Bee Champion.

Yes, folks, you heard it first here.  I am going to participate in – and win – an Adult Spelling Bee.

One of our local writing organizations is sponsoring one in December.  At least I think it’s the writing organization who is sponsoring it.  It is on their calendar in their pamphlet of Fall courses.

Now that I think about it, I’m hoping it doesn’t have a Strip Club behind it.  I mean, the word “Adult” could imply something completely different than what I initially imagined.

O.K.  I’m having second thoughts.  I think I better find out a few more details before I start my training regimen.  I mean, I don’t think I’d have a problem with spelling pornographic words, but if there is some kind of performing required, I might have to reconsider.

I still have some dignity.  I mean, I’m not a skank or anything.

 

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Posted on September 2, 2011, in Aging, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. A lot of those adult words you will need to spell are really simple. They are mostly phonetic and short. Good luck.

  2. That is true. Especially the four-letter ones.

  3. Kay at Blue Speckled Pup

    Go spell your heart out!

    All I can think of is the scene in Little Town on the Prairie, when Pa spells down the whole darn town. Except I don’t think you have a beard. Or suspenders.

    Anyway, go do a hard thing. You’ll be a superstar.

    • How in the world, during all of my hours dedicated to Little House on the Prairie – the show AND the books – do I not remember this?

      • Kay at Blue Speckled Pup

        I’m pretty sure it’s in Little Town on the Prairie, when Laura is mentally exhausted and catches heck from Ma for “wooden swearing,” shortly before the whole town starts meeting for entertainment in the schoolhouse during the evenings. It’s also where Almanzo first starts walking her home.

  4. That is so funny i dont remember that episode either. But i do remember sitting through some off your spelling bees and being so proud of you. I remember that i missed ceiling in a spelling bee. But i won alot of honorable mentions (i probably spelled that wrong). I made some cool macoroni projects in my day!

  5. I just read my post and put off instead !,

  6. Sarah is upset your not pregnant! She wanted me to tell you.

  7. That is a very unique bucket list check-off. I don’t think you have to apologize, that is a pretty big announcement. I consider myself a pretty good speller but don’t think I would have the guts to be in a contest!

  8. phew! Thank goodness for that.

    Spelling B Champion of The world..sounds good to me and I am sure that it’s not pornagraphic (who said ‘shame’)

    have fun

  9. I can help you train for the spelling of the pornographic words, if you have to act them out – you’re on your own, though.

  10. Please, please, please participate if it is adult-themed. And then blog about it!

  11. Good luck with your spelling bee! And by the way, best post title ever.

  12. I vote for the pornographic-words spelling bee. It would definitely make for interesting bus stop conversation…shake things up a bit.

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