Could You Please Direct Me to the Virtual Unemployment Line?

I got fired.  Dimples and Cap’n Firepants don’t know yet.  Actually, I don’t think Cap’n Firepants will really care.  It was only a part-time job anyway.  He’ll be happy that I have more free time.  Well, until he learns the free time is for my blog.

Dimples, on the other hand, is going to be disappointed.  She’s the one who got me the job in the first place, and pretty much taught me everything I know about it.  She’s pretty savvy, that kid.

It’s not that I didn’t like the job.  It was kind of fun.  Only slightly demanding mentally, and really not physically demanding at all.  But it was 24/7, and I was getting a little tired of my alarm going off at all hours of the day.

O.K.  Confession time.  I was a store manager.  A virtual store manager, I should clarify.  Of a fashion store.  On my iPad.

Do not dismiss the stress such a job can cause.  It is quite wearying to constantly have merchandise coming in that you need to hang on the racks and out on tables.  Then you have to order again.  If you don’t take receipt of your merchandise in time, then your orders expire.  If you let too many orders expire, then your racks and tables are empty, which, of course, means you can’t earn any money.   Not that you’re earning money anyway.

And then you have to make sure your store is outfitted with all of the necessary furniture, dressing rooms, cashiers, etc…

Not to mention the constant P.R. I have to go out and visit all of these other people’s stores to get them to come visit mine.  The marketing alone was killing me.

I couldn’t keep my iPad in the bedroom at night, because it would keep ringing with notifications from my store about items that had arrived and people who had liked me or sent me gifts.

Over the Labor Day holiday I was at The Dictator’s Ranch with Spotty Internet Access.  The only way I could hitch onto the 3G was to wave the iPad above my head while I sat in the swivel armchair, stuck my tongue to my nose, and held my breath.  I realized I was willing to do this to update my blog, but not for my fashion store.

So, just like that, I stopped.  I checked my empty store one more time when I returned home, saw all of my expired orders and the new available outfit that I didn’t even like, and walked away.

I don’t know what happens in situations like these.  Will my neighbors loot my store?  Will my virtual cashier sue me for nonpayment of her virtual salary?  Will virtual kids in India lose their jobs because I’m not ordering their cheaply made clothes anymore?

And just for the record, I GOT FIRED.

Alright, I fired myself.

Unemployment doesn’t have to know that, right?




Posted on September 11, 2011, in Blogging, Humor, Time, Work and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I think you may be able to virtually hire a virtual arsonist for the virtual insurance money.

  2. I told you thats why people cat quit farmville their crops will die!

  3. Oh no! I got to see your virtual store, it was super cute! And you had such a helpful associate hanging around… I never would have described you as a quitter. 😉

  4. Ha ha, that’s funny. Only yesterday I was telling my son’s g/f that I have abandoned my Tiny Tower, on the iTouch, and we were wondering what would happen to all the poor residents. Will all the shops have to close? Will they all be evicted?

    I feel so responsible…..but I have a new camera now, you see, and then there’s the blog……

  5. critters and crayons

    This is hilarious- I haven’t even dared to start any of those virtual games. Between FB and blogging- I’m already not getting anything I need to get done, done. 🙂 I won’t even look at pinterest or stumbleupon for the very same reason. But, good for you. You gave up your virtual store. I gave up my smartphone. But, I do also have an iPad for those times I need to cheat. The kicker is that it only works where there are hotspots that extend into the parking lot. When that doesn’t happen,I’m crap out of luck. 🙂 Funny post, as usual. haha!

  6. Having read the post and the comments I have come to the conclusion that you are all completely bonkers!
    How on earth can you get your knickers in a twist over a virtual game?
    I did like the post and it was funny and it made me laugh but surely it cannot be serious stuff this virtual store or virtual anything.
    I wonder how many usually normal peopel actually do this….
    If you do a virtual please do write a post about it people??????

    • Believe it or not, I had a friend tell me today that her daughter was worried about me this weekend because I hadn’t restocked my store. Maybe I should hold on to the store. In case I die alone in my house, people will know when to send the hearse.

  7. I have no idea what you are writing about, but I appreciate the fact that you confused me with good writing.

  8. Good luck in the cyberverse!

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