Why Can’t You Play Soccer Like Everyone Else?

It all started because Dimples does not like to sweat.

As the typical helicopter-missing-a-blade parent, I have been trying to guide Dimples through various extracurricular activities in the hopes she would find her niche.  For awhile, I thought we had hit on the right combo with dance and gymnastics.  As I mentioned before, the kid has ungenetically enhanced rhythm.  She also has weirdly fluid flexibility.

But when we were getting ready to sign up for a new season, Dimples announced from the back seat of the car (her usual spot for stunning proclamations) that she guessed she didn’t really want to do gymnastics again.  The same kid who does cartwheels and handstands all over the house declared that she no longer wanted to do them. In the one place it was actually encouraged and there were spotters and a big foam pit.

“Uh, you don’t want to do gymnastics?” To me, this was like Wonderbutt suddenly declaring that he would rather not eat the piece of cheese that had miraculously fallen to the floor during the preparation of dinner.

“It makes me sweat too much.”

My bipolar brain started duking it out immediately.  One side was thrilled because we would save money and have more time.  The other side was bummed because we thought we had found her “passion” in gymnastics.

Ignoring the inner battle, I felt obligated to ask, “So, is there something else you would rather do?”

“Swimming” was the surprising answer.

Why was this surprising? Because she spent the first two summers of swimming lessons avoiding putting her head under the water.  She was over that now, but I never would have guessed as I begged her to please, please just put her face in and blow some bubbles years ago that she would one day decide that swimming was her all-time favorite sport.

It was also surprising because, once she had overcome her H2O fears, she had taken every lesson available at our pool.  The only thing left to do was swim team, and she didn’t want to compete in swim team because, along with her strong opposition to sweat, she apparently has a strong opposition to opposition.

For a couple of days after her condemnation of the sweaty sport of gymnastics, I despaired of finding any kind of suitable replacement.  There seemed no point in swimming more laps if she wasn’t actually going to do anything with it.  Then I remembered reading an article about a local team. A synchronized swimming team.

A sport that combines gymnastics and swimming.  A sport that has fun music and costumes.  A sport that does not involve sweat.

After I ineptly attempted to explain all of this to Dimples, she gamely decided to try it out.

So, one night, Dimples joined the team at a practice while I talked to one of the board members about the requirements.  As I listened to explanations about the financial commitment, the required fundraising, and the mandatory volunteer hours, I started realizing my mistake.

As I was realizing my mistake, Dimples was quickly getting used to this no-sweat activity.  By the time I had concluded that it was time to ditch this idea and try sky-diving instead, Dimples had concluded this was her new passion.

So now we are rolling into Year 2.   Dimples gets to do her dance and gymnastics without sweating, and I get to sweat how I’m going to pay for it.

courtesy of uwdigicollec on Flickr


Posted on September 15, 2011, in Children, Dimples, Family, Humor, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Hilarious! We have also tried everything from soccer, to touch footy, to dance, to swimming ….. Have concluded she prefers the social activities associated with sport, but not the effort.

  2. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    I wonder if we caused our parents this much mental grief when we were young? I know I have all but given up every trying to figure out my three … 🙂

  3. Hmmm…maybe I should take it up? Sounds less effort than boot camp and I like the idea of the costumes….

  4. Well at least Dimples is enjoying herself and is not one of ‘todays’ children who either sit watching Tv or addicted to computer-life.
    She is out there getting more than her fair share of excercise, learning discipline stretching those muscles, and co-ordination as well as learning to think of others.
    Never mind the cost..you are allowing Dimples to do something that will make her a healthy athlectic adult….
    I think you are doing a grand job…..

  5. You’re such a good mom. When I’m not writing an obnoxious blog I’m a cheerleading coach and I will tell you that I would rather have a parent support their child’s interests instead of their own. I can’t tell you how many moms (and dads) force their daughters into cheerleading. It’s sad, really.

    • Probably close to the number that force their sons into football. I’m trying to be attuned to what Dimples wants instead of living vicariously through her. I can safely say it was never my dream to be a synchronized swimmer.

      • I used to take my son to football, from the age of 5 until it wasn’t cool to have your mum there anymore – it amazed me to see the fighting and bullying that went on amongst the PARENTS!! I never really fitted in with these people but I learned the offside rule!

  6. The activities, oh, the activities. I never did any activities as a child. My kids do soccer, basketball, swimming and scouting. I keep trying to get rid of one…

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