If I Should Die Unexpectedly, Read this Post

Nonchalantly Waiting by the Back Door - I Can Almost Hear Him Whistling

Allow me to introduce you to Big Mean Kitty, Mrs. P.I.B.’s favorite toy.

Big Mean Kitty has withstood a lot of abuse over the years, and he’s beginning to look a little like a candidate for the dumpster.  However, I can’t seem to bring myself to throw him out.  And it’s not just because Mrs. P.I.B. loves him.

Quite frankly, I am scared of him.

You see, that pose in the picture – no human in our house positioned him that way.  We just came home one day, and there he was, chillin’ by the back door.

That time we took a picture.  But there have been many other times that, for purposes of evidence, we should have and didn’t.

Like the time he was doing the splits.

Wonderbutt Helps with a Reenactment of the Splits (That's the Cat's Tail in the Middle, Dirty-Minded People!)

Or the time he was doing a perfect bridge in the hallway in front of Dimples’, the gymnast’s, bedroom.

The Bridge. Reenactment #2. Still a Tail, People!

It’s a little disturbing to turn the corner in the house and see this:

Big Mean Kitty Dons a Squirrel Cap To Accessorize His Underwear

Now, I was never one to be afraid of clowns, and I thought the main character in the Chucky movies looked far too ridiculous to be even remotely scary.

But Big Mean Kitty is freakin’ me out.

I think he might be a little miffed at the arrival of Wonderbutt into the household.  Wonderbutt doesn’t treat him as mildly as Mrs. P.I.B. , and the stuffing has started to come out of his joints (Big Mean Kitty’s – not Wonderbutt’s) as a result.  The abuse may have propelled Big Mean Kitty over to the Dark Side.  What used to seem to be amusing quirks of fate now seem to be his own menacing interpretations of “I’m going to murder you in your bed.”

I was in the middle of composing this little tribute when we took a break for dinner.  When I finished dinner, I got up to take my plate to the kitchen, and there was Big Mean Kitty, who had been in the living room when we sat down.  Wonderbutt, who usually likes to take toys and whack me in the leg with them while I’m eating, was sitting about a foot away, looking up at me like he was saying, “Did you just see that?  He walked right over here and plopped himself down next to your foot.”

We Catch Big Mean Kitty Trying to do a Handstand

No wonder the dogs weren’t intimidated by a snake in the house the other day.  They’ve seen worse things creeping around.

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Posted on September 19, 2011, in Big Mean Kitty, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Phobia, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. This was hysterical! My kids have a small plastic clown head that they hide all over the house for me to find. They think that’s hysterical too. Me? Not so much.

  2. Oh man. The one time I open the refrigerator and have a clown head (or Big Mean Kitty) staring at me, I will pee in my pants.

  3. I wouldn’t turn my back on Big Mean Kitty, if I were you.

  4. omg lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  5. Such an awesome idea for a post. I wish i would have thought of this before I secretly slipped Jeff’s toy, since birth, in the trash this week. It was his little women. (if you know what I mean). You could only imagine what kind of poses I found her in. 😉 She was completely worn out. And Jeff is fixed! Simply love your dogs.

  6. I started reading this post and thought of the scary clown dolls that plagued my childhood. Then YOU mentioned clown dolls. Then I got really scared. 🙂 This kitty is right up there though…seriously…freaking me out.

  7. Big Mean Kitty sure is a force to be reckoned with…. but with Wonderbutt by your side you will be well protected.

    I always thought that I was daft enough about animals but you come a very close second… Bless you.. I loved it nearly as much as I love Mrs P I B and Wonderbutt

    Have a great day, and remember to smile

  8. This made me howl! One of our boys was obsessed with all things postal when he was a tot, so we found a dog toy in the form of a cloth doll mailman. The mailman has an evil grin on his face, too – this thing has haunted our house for 6 years now. Love, just love, your writing!!

  9. Haha so funny! Well i guess its time to break down and get a boss for those animals. How about a nice kitten! Or Chuckie!

  10. Ha ha. I was just wondering, has he ever tried ‘planking’?

  1. Pingback: His Days are Numbered « whatimeant2say

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