Dear Biggest Loser…

Dear Biggest Loser Production Team,

Please consider Wonderbutt for participation in the next season of your show.  He weighs 65 pounds, which is quite disproportionate to his approximately 2.5 feet of length.  According to his doctor, he must lose 10 pounds.  I know that your website mentions a requirement that applicants must need to lose at least 85 pounds, but I think it would be more fair to use percentages since this criteria clearly discriminates against body types that are vertically challenged.

One of Wonderbutt’s greatest qualities is that he is open to new exercise routines, such as swimming.  He has even gotten involved in your Biggest Loser Kinect game.  Well, he kept walking in front of the camera while Dimples was trying to play, but he obviously was motivated to participate.  Or to trip her.  It’s hard to tell what his agenda is sometimes, but doesn’t that usually make for great television?

I understand that your show involves an elimination process.  Wonderbutt is actually quite fond of eliminating, which is another reason he is uniquely qualified to be a member of your new Loser team.  Please don’t let the fact that he likes to determine where and when the elimination takes place deter you from selecting him.  You may want to avoid riding in a car with him if you have recently ticked him off, though.

Given Wonderbutt’s contempt for fashion, your wardrobe budget would be cut by 1/12th if he were to appear on your show.  Unless the other members of the cast are careless enough to leave their clothing on the floor.  In which case you might need to double the budget.  It could go either way.

You will not need to worry about Wonderbutt revealing any secrets from the show or bad-mouthing the trainers.  Unless bad-mouthing is a new term for licking them obsessively.

Wonderbutt is used to getting along with diverse housemates.  He is non-judgmental of those who are different from him, including snakes and his current roommate, Mrs. Pain In the Butt.  He may have a tendency to hurl himself into the other cast members’ genitals, but this is just his way of being affectionate.

In conclusion, I think Wonderbutt would be the perfect candidate for your next crop of twelve Losers.  He will blow you away with his dedication to this weight-loss challenge.  Or, he might just blow you away.  His digestive problems make him great at clearing a room.


Wonderbutt’s Mom

Wonderbutt Takes a Break from His Demanding Exercise Regimen


Posted on September 23, 2011, in Dogs, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Oh my God! My eleven year old daughter doesn’t weigh 65 pounds! Loved the eliminating line.

  2. I’m sure many of the other contestants fart a lot too.

  3. I would SO watch that show if dogs were on it!

  4. You do make a convincing argument for Wonderbutt’s participation on the show.

  5. He needs his own show.

  6. Its ok, I have an american bulldog that weighs 140 pounds 😛

  7. Now THAT would be something The Wonderbutt Show aided and abetted by Mrs P I B…and possibly Dimples!

    Whatever his size, whatever his weight, I LOVE WONDERBUTT!

  8. I have a big one too. Maybe they can go in on the buddy system.

  9. Your dog is adorable! I love bulldogs and of course your blog is quite creative. 🙂

  10. We were told our bulldog, Savannah, was overweight (76 lbs.) and that she needed to lose 10 pounds too.
    I just thought it was because she was about 1-2″ taller than other bulldogs.
    Turns out I’m a bad parent because I had been overfeeding her for the past year.
    Instead of 1 cup twice a day (2 cups total) , she was getting 2 cups twice a day (4 cups total).
    I don’t think the excuse that I was fattening her up so no one else would want her will work though.

    Bulldogs ROCK… I’ll never have anything else!!

    Picture of Savannah here…


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