It’s Gonna Get Worse Before It Gets Bad Again

It goes without saying that I have a case of writing constipation.  Here are the small bits of ideas that I’ve been able to eke out over the past week (and yes, I am aware of the disgusting nature of the metaphor) – none of which would actually make an entire post worth reading.  Like a two-year-old proud of her great Triumphs of the Toilet, I thought I would give you a peek before I flush ‘em.

What does this quote mean from Eli Manning regarding Brandon Stokely’s game performance? “He had a small package, I’ll tell ya, his package got a lot bigger in the middle of the game.”

Is there a month that is not part of football season/pre-season/post-season/training season?

When Mrs. P.I.B. passes gas, she scares herself, leaps up, and whirls around to find out what just attacked her rear.

And on the other end: I have contemplated, more than once, whether I should try putting a Breathe Right strip on Wonderbutt’s nose to open his airways?

In Switzerland, there is a law that you cannot own only one of any particular pet.  So, there is a woman, interviewed on NPR, who rents out guinea pigs to owners who have had one die but don’t want to buy another one.

Why is it that, by the time of year when it’s cool enough to walk the dogs at night, it’s too dark to walk the dogs at night?

There is a tag on the WordPress.com tags page that says “Scott Lord Sherlock Holmes.”  It leads to nowhere.  Even more disturbing are the results you get when you Google said topic.  And even more disturbing is that I wasted my time Googling said topic.

I think Sherlock Holmes was a big old crock.  His supposed “leaps of logic” were ginormous hurdles over massive chasms to conclusions that are piles of steaming crap any C.S.I. agent would sniff a mile away, bag as evidence. throw in their multimillion dollar mega-analyzing machine, and declare devoid of any evidence acceptable in a T.V. court of law.

If I lose at the iPad Family Feud game, does that mean that I am not smart, or that I just come up with more creative answers than the common 100 people surveyed?

If Dimples beats me at Family Feud, does that mean that I’m not smarter than a fourth grader, or that the 100 people surveyed were 4th graders?

One of my dreams is to spend a week in the same room as the writers for The Daily Show and/or The Colbert Report, and maybe even contribute a line or two.

Will one of the days I do a less than stellar post, like today (o.k., most days), also be the day that a potential editor (or staff member of The Daily Show and/or Colbert Report) chances upon my blog – and breaks her wrist because she can’t click on the back button fast enough?

Have you ever noticed that when people say that it goes without saying that they then say what didn’t need to be said?

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Posted on October 3, 2011, in Blogging, Dimples, Dogs, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    And here I thought you said you had nothing on your mind….. Great post for supposedly having a case of writing constipation 🙂

  2. That was really good! I feel the same way about Chelsea Lately. I have an obnoxious sense of humor, and I wish I could sit at the table with all those comics just once. I also know the moment the camera pointed at me I’d clam up.

    I think if you put a breath strip at the other end then you’d both be happy!

  3. Here’s my philosophy: when I have a great response and a lot of views, I think that I am a genius. When I bomb, I figure there must be something wrong with WordPress.

  4. It goes without saying that

  5. My wife and I have been writing down suggestive sayings we hear during football games to be compiled in an blog at some point, but we missed the one about the size of his package.. hahaha…

  6. The latter option on both Family Fued musings. 🙂 I want to go with you when you go in to the Colbert Report writer’s meeting. You would never know you have writer’s constipation.

  7. well you said a lot for someone who had little to say…
    My dogs are like mrs PIB ….make the smell then wonder where it came from. In the evening when we are all in the sitting room and they make a smell nobody owns up so we assume it is the nearest bottom

    Good post, I enjoyed reading it thank you

  8. I love the randomness of your thoughts…

  9. I had my own version of Mrs. P.I.B. and his name was Socrates and when he passed gas he would bark and growl at this butt…a couple of times he even bit himself…not a pretty sight…or smell for that matter!

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