November’s Dead Rubber Post

“Dead Rubber”, according to one of my marathon googling sessions, means “boring”.  My “Dead Rubber Posts” are my monthly blog cop outs.  I give myself permission once a month to publish a post that isn’t up to my usual stellar standards.  Some of you might not recognize any difference between these and my other posts (which is a sad commentary on the hours I usually take to polish them before hitting the “Publish” button); nevertheless, I feel I should be up front when I’ve spent less time composing a post than I did addressing an envelope to my mortgage company.  

I was trying to postpone my Dead Rubber post until later in the month, but I went to see David Sedaris tonight and it’s a “school night”.  He did recommend to an aspiring writer in the audience to “write every day”, neglecting to say how much.  I am pretty sure he meant more than the “Great job!” I scribed on my student’s papers this afternoon.

I have decided to start gathering unusual obituary statements.  I did not set out to collect these.  But they keep appearing to me.  It’s not that I even usually read the obituaries.    Every once in awhile, I run out of Sunday paper to read during the week.  And, as I gulp down my breakfast at 5:30 a.m. I must read something.  So I skim the obituaries.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned the prominently displayed obituary headline, “She was skilled at Bunco.”  I’m not sure about you, but to me that seemed an odd way to immortalize someone.  But certainly not the oddest.

Today, I chanced upon an even stranger sentence buried deep within an obituary of a woman who “supported live music, the arts community, and hula-hooping.”  In addition to these worthy pursuits, this woman “held a great appreciation for port-a-potties.”

Please don’t let someone put that in my obituary.  Because I don’t.  And never will.  Ever.  Appreciate. Port-a-Potties.  I don’t care if I just drank two gallons of Diet Coke and I’m in the middle of a treeless, building-less prairie being filmed on a reality show and it rains for two days straight.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, does anyone else but me wonder what her coffin looked like?

Nope. You can't change my mind.


Posted on November 2, 2011, in Death, Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. jealous you saw David Sedaris! Writing every day is hard- but I must admit that I have to focus to NOT do it and do the other things that need doing- But, I get the rubber post phenomenon. I was just thinking today that it was what I’ve been doing this week- throwing stuff up in haste since my family is sick and life is busy. Thanks for the new moniker to describe weeks like this one. 🙂

    • I know what you mean about trying to get other things done instead of writing. So does my family, unfortunately. They can follow the piles of laundry and unvacuumed floors to my computer where I busily try to live my life through my blog.

  2. Dead rubber post? I don’t think I have any that aren’t dead rubber. Should I be concerned?

  3. What a great idea. I think I’ll start reading obituaries to come up with the characters for my next novel.

  4. When reading obituaries beware that you do not read your own!!!

    I wonder what I would like to read in my own obituary… maybe something like..
    She came, she saw, she conquered and she lived her life to the full…
    Yep..that would do nicely..

    What about you?

  5. I hope someone comes up with something really awesome for my obit. Something like – “Held the record for most times peed on by African Bullfrog.”

  6. May I add that this post does not count as “dead rubber?” There are no rubbers in Bunco. That’s bridge.

  7. “Held a great appreciation for port-a-potties.”

    I really need to start reading the obits more often.

  8. You are lucky. Our paper only says when and who they left behind. I so wish they would include more. Just so we, as onlookers, would get a better sense of who they were. I think I might be a bit strange.

  9. I might use that port-a-potty, I sort of appreciate that its purple.
    Super clever post! It’s so NOT a Dead Rubber Post, even though you did mention a few dead people.

  10. Dead Rubber and obits…hummm. I love this! I think mine will read, “This is just the shell…the nut’s already gone!” 🙂 Might raise an eyebrow or 2.

  1. Pingback: Your Search is Over the Top « whatimeant2say

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