“Wonderbutt’s Whimsy” to be Auctioned

“An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.”Andy Warhol

Wonderbutt has made our floor his ongoing masterpiece.  Andy Warhol would have approved.

Cap’n Firepants, on the other hand, has no appreciation for modern art, so he has decided that Wonderbutt’s canvas needs to go.  He allowed me to take some pictures before tackling the project.  When I loaded the pictures onto the computer, I realized that they didn’t really do justice to the monumental  contributions Wonderbutt has made in the last year to our carpet.  So, I decided to add a few labels in case you don’t happen to have a magnifying glass near your computer monitor.

This was only one portion of the carpet.  If our family had ever gotten murdered in our beds, it would have taken an entire season of C.S.I. episodes to exclude Wonderbutt’s DNA evidence and isolate the killer’s.  The pup even got blood all over the floor when I once cut a toenail too short.  He was too busy trying to get a treat off the table to realize his hemorrhaging was creating a monochromatic Jackson Pollock painting on the carpet beneath him.

We have been talking about getting rid of the carpet ever since we moved into the house (pre-Wonderbutt), but his arrival has necessitated this happening sooner than later.

The problem is that we don’t have the money to execute the second part of the plan – lovely, polished, stained concrete floors.  Kind of like this.

We had entertained the thought of doing the job ourselves – until we saw the floor awaiting us underneath the carpet.

Mrs. P.I.B. asks Cap'n Firepants if this was part of the plan.

Big improvement, right?

Apparently, the people who built our house over thirty years ago pretty much used the concrete as their own version of a drop cloth, not being able to  conceive of any kind of reason that sane homeowners might want to actually expose a cement floor.

They clearly never met Wonderbutt.

So, this is what our floor looks like now and for the foreseeable future.  Dimples is eager to break out the sidewalk chalk and do some of her own home improving.  I am thinking we can just draw a Christmas tree in the middle of the floor and our holiday decorating will be done.  And I am keeping my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that Cap’n Firepants doesn’t decide the best improvement would be a chalk outline of Wonderbutt.

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Posted on November 7, 2011, in Dimples, Dogs, Family, Humor, Interior Decorating, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. Just remind him of how much WB loves you all.

  2. LOL! Oh that’s awesome, you can totally use sidewalk chalk IN THE HOUSE! Totally have to look on the bright side for this. But wow, those polished floors are gorgeous! I hope you’re able to get one…

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    Wonderbutt needs some doggie Depends Briefs…. 🙂

  4. The floor is a practical homage to the structural inclinations of residential architects during the early days of the Reagan era. It represents the struggle between the cold reality of existence and the always present requirement of enduring workmanship.

    At least that’s how you can sell it if some snooty critic comes for a visit.

  5. Could you even it out for the time being with a lick of paint? Though, it may end up as a lick of paint with paw prints decoration when WB breaks through the fenced off area…

  6. Never never never get rid of Wonderbutt..It is only a matter of time before he will stop chewing carpets. Not too sure about the dribbling!
    These are material things of no importance compared to the Wonder that is Wonderbutt!

    I love Mrs PIB..how old is she?

  7. Very funny post and one that my tall person can completely relate to. We have wood floors throughout and stone in the bathroom – no carpets, which is probably a good idea ad I do have a bit of a slobber problem. The tall person always manages to locate a pool of drool with his bare feet, which I must admit is not difficult! I recently posted a little story called ‘Puddle Hopping’. That’s a technique the tall person had to learn inside our house!

  8. Better than me winning the cat vomit lottery. Weeks go by with nothing, then we walk in the door to about 15 piles of cat puke everywhere…rug, hardwood, kitchen vinyl, basement concrete…it’s like they weight themselves and decide to purge based on the findings.

  9. I can feel your pain. We’ve been through the systematic re-decorating of our dogs as they’ve grown up. Everyday, we have to check each room for any destruction when we come home from work. There are days…

  10. Wow, nice floor. Our carpets have cat vomit all over them. Well, it’s all cleaned up but there are some very not pretty stains everywhere. I’m just waiting for her to throw up on the rest of the floor. Maybe then it won’t look so weird. Except for one random clean spot.

    • That would be great if you could get her to do it in some sort of coordinated pattern!

      I got the Bissell SpotBot and had to stop using it because it cleaned the floor under it so well that it made the rest of the floor look even more disgusting.

  11. Never mind the polished floors. They wouldn’t stay that way after Wonderbutt went skating on them.

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