Jerry Springer Here I Come

But I Won Every Spelling Bee

One of the things I am not known for is my athletic ability.  When I went to school, I went through a succession of P.E. teachers who felt that I was so non-athletic that it wasn’t even worth it to learn my name.  I was consistently called, “Hey You.”

I had a slight lapse in judgment one day, and admitted this to two of the P.E. teachers I now work with.  They have known me for ten years. They now like to call me, “Hey You.”

Anyway, I don’t think Cap’n Firepants was a rock star in P.E. either.  Apparently he was so traumatized by his whole experience in school before college that he won’t even tell me about it.

So, it was no surprise to me when Dimples got in the car after school the other day, and proclaimed, “I got a 36 on the Pacer in P.E. today.”

I was a bit perplexed by her cheerful attitude, but tried to play it cool.

“Out of 100?” I asked, hesitantly.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“What do you mean, you guess?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, a 36.  That isn’t very good.”  I wasn’t reprimanding her.  I was just trying to think how to break it to her that she was the unfortunate offspring of some bad P.E. genes.

“Are you kidding?  It’s great.”

Oh, God! Was she bad in math, too?  Well, that wasn’t from my side of the family, at least.

“Sweetie, 36 out of 100 is not good.”

“Mom, the boys were supposed to get like 40 something, and most girls only got like 20.  M– only got 12!  Plus, I did more curl ups than any other girl, and more crunches than any other girl, except G–!

“So-o-o, you did good?” I said, slowly, trying to figure out this whole new system of grading and accept the fact that a product from my gene pool can do well in anything related to athletics.

“Yes, Mom!  That’s what I’m trying to tell you!”

“Uh, great job…Hey, uh, just out of curiosity, what does your P.E. teacher call you?”

I could see her exasperated face in the rearview mirror, and it was pretty clear that this entire conversation had confirmed her fears that I had finally lost my marbles.

“My name, Mom!”

O.K.  Just checking.

I really need to get that DNA test taken care of.


Posted on November 13, 2011, in Cap'n Firepants, Dimples, Humor, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.

  1. You don’t need no stinkin’ DNA test. It is a known fact that nature sometimes looks down on us inept folks and throws us a ringer. Bask in her glory girl.

  2. I was in remedial P.E. in the third grade if that makes you feel any better.
    LOVE that Dimples shows athletic promise – take that genes! Fingers crossed for my son…

  3. Well, yeah- swimming and dancing! I am glad you were able to confirm her athletic ability by giving her the no-fail “hey you” test. I was one of those, too! Jason wasn’t so any time the kids show the least bit of lacking in the athletic department I get the big time blame.

  4. I hated pe in school. I have no athletic ability. I liked when I got to high school and we didn’t have to rotate through all the sports and could just do a Step routine or kick boxing all day. I’m good at that, but throw anything at me and it will either hit me square in the face or fall somewhere far away from me.
    Glad her teacher calls her by her name. 🙂

  5. Well done Dimples! If the boys were only expected to get forty something on the Pacer then it sounds like the teacher set the bar too high!

  6. I was (and still am) absolutely awful as to physical abilities. Sometimes I could hit the target in archery. That’s about it.

  7. I was going to make a comment about climbing the rope, but…oops, I think I just did.

  8. I hated PE, especially the gawd-awful uniform things we had to wear (back in the old days)

  9. I was in heaven when they let us take modern dance in high school instead of regular PE.

  10. DNA is a mysterious thing. I was jock in school (not so cool for a girl). My daughter never broke a sweat until she was well into her twenties. She’s a fashionista. I’m apparel challenged. I’ve often considered she was switched at birth.

    Not worry, be happy.

  11. ‘Hey you”…you really are hilarious and you always make me smile

  12. Genes are weird. My dad has the appearance and athletic record of Walt Whitman. I didn’t play a day of sports until my junior year of high school. I walked-on to the varsity football, track and weight-lifting teams. I’ve been an athlete ever since. My wife attributes it to my “caveman genes” (I have a face comprised mostly of right angles).

  13. Maybe it skips a generation…. Either that or maybe the mailman was athletic?? hahaha…

  14. No one in my family has any athletic ability. No one does anything strenous either. So to compensate for that, we bought different kinds of exercise gizmos…. that are now gathering dust in the garage. So, yeah, you’re not alone. LOL

  15. I was in remedial PE in high school. I was a complete disaster with anything and everything. Except ping pong and bowling, and those were out-of-school activities.

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