The Wonderbutt Weight Loss Program

A note of warning:  If you are going to include the words “Weight Loss Program” in your manuscript, and then try to e-mail it to yourself three times from your iPad, and wonder where the e-mails keep going, try your Junk Mail folder.  Apparently, I spammed myself. 

Wonderbutt was told he needed to lose at least five pounds.  After the disappointing lack of response to our application for The Biggest Loser, we took matters into our hands.  We (I) instituted a practical change in life style:  eat less food, get more exercise.

Because you are such a close friend, I would like to share the secrets to this successful program with you.

A typical day in the Wonderbutt Program:

Breakfast – 1 cup of delicious dog nuggets

Lunch – nothing

Dinner – another cup of delicious dog nuggets (I know they are delicious because I tried one.)

As everyone knows, no weight loss program is complete without the implementation of exercise.

Exercise – Dimples and I take Wonderbutt and Mrs. P.I.B. for a walk.  Mrs. P.I.B. has longer legs, so she ends up ahead.  Wonderbutt does not want Mrs. P.I.B. to get anywhere before he does. He has no idea where we are going, but he is going to get there first, no matter what.

Wonderbutt pulls my shoulder out of its socket.

I shift hands, yank Wonderbutt back and simultaneously pop my shoulder back in.  I do what our dog/human trainer taught me and turn around, so Wonderbutt has to follow me going in a different direction.  Since this is the opposite direction of Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt is suddenly less enthusiastic about pulling me, and decides it’s my turn to pull.  But I am the leader of this pack.  So I make the rules.

I turn back around.  For about 10 seconds, Wonderbutt is by my side.  This triggers another lesson I learned from Puppy Kindergarten – bribery.  I reward Wonderbutt with a small treat.

We repeat the process.  By the time we return home, my arm has popped out of its socket 15 times, and Wonderbutt has had 30,000 “small” treats.

End of the week – Wonderbutt has gained 5 pounds from all of the treats and I’ve gained 5 from all of the stress eating I do when we return from each walk.

When Does the Massage Come In?

So, there you have it – our soon-to-be-award-winning-record-breaking-money-making Wonderbutt Weight Loss Program.  Follow the above guidelines, and you, too, can have a Wondrous Butt like me.

Can't I Just Eat a Bottle of Diet Pills?


Posted on November 16, 2011, in Dimples, Dogs, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Savannah will be heading to the vet in the next few days and I’m nervous. She was sposed to lose weight the last time and didn’t (that’s when I found out I was double-feeding her).
    I’ve cut back and can tell she’s lost weight (she has curves now) but she acts like she’s always starving (could just be an act, she is genius and all… haha).
    But if the vet says she’s still overweight we may have to try the Wonderbutt program.

  2. Oh, good thing this post didn’t go to my spam. I can just picture the weight loss walks! Wonderbutt looks fine to me. 🙂

  3. Hilarious post!! I laughed out loud when I read that you had spammed yourself :)Great pictures and an absolutely funny description of the Wonderbutt Program 🙂

  4. Oh the joys of having animals!

    Love to Mrs PIB and Wonderbutt..I love every single wrinkle

  5. Shelby goes to the vet today and I am nervous – the vet tech makes a little tsk tsk sound when she weighs Shelby. I am sometimes tempted to let Shelby give her one of her knock down “I love you” greetings. I know at (probably) 95 pounds she could take her, easily.

    Wonderbutt is beautiful, at any weight.

  6. I know the feeling. I somehow have a 20+ lb cat that I feed nothing but small quantities of diet food. I guess some animals have more difficulty losing weight than others… or maybe my cat is sneaking into the fridge at night. I have had several sticks of butter go missing recently.

  7. Awww… I love how his tongue looks like it doesn’t have room in his mouth – he just keeps it out there and adorable 🙂 I don’t see the chubby, but maybe because all bulldogs are that shape?
    Our cats spent almost their entire chubby chubby lives on diet food. Molly was developing a bald spot on her tummy from going up and down stairs – as a child, I thought she’d been spayed while she was pregnant… was convinced the kittens were still in there, frozen in time.
    My dog, I am paranoid about his weight. and the vet never says anythign about it! half the time I think i’m overfeeding, the other half, that I’m starving the poor guy. My only thought for wonderbutt – see if he’ll accept pieces of bean, carrot, apple, or banana as treats. My dog acts like I just handed him the most amazing delicious thing when I give him any of those.

  8. Photogenic dog ya have there….. I wish I could get my idiot cats to stick out their tongues on cue… 🙂

  9. writingandrecovering

    Haha, I love it. I love the tongue picture. There’s one of my cat like that somewhere.

  10. I just have to keep Bongo out of the garage. He eats all the spilled nuggets and then sticks his nose in the bag.

  11. Isn’t pet ownership a wonderous thing?

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