Never Ask a Pirate for a Favor
Karma. It’s a funny thing.
I asked Cap’n Firepants to pick up Dimples from synchronized swimming practice. He works near the pool, and was going to be at the office late, so it seemed logical to me that he could swing by and pick her up instead of me waiting there for an hour and a half.
I told the Cap’n that I needed to get some stuff done at the house. WhatIMeant2Say was that I needed some time to myself. In a Really Big Way.
I got home, and Wonderbutt was bouncing off the walls. Literally. It had to hurt.
So, I thought if I invested some play time at the front of the evening, that this would result in more peace and quiet later. I played with him and tried not to think about the personal time that was being whittled away.
Finally, he flattened himself on the ground panting, which I took to be my cue that play time was over.
I was wrong.
I went to the Forbidden Section of the house to work on the computer (okay, blog.)
Wonderbutt began a Squeaking Campaign of Unimaginable Proportions. It’s funny when he does that to Dimples. Somehow the absence of her annoyance made it less amusing.
I let Wonderbutt into the Forbidden Section.
He was good for awhile. But that didn’t last long.
I kicked him out of the Forbidden Section. Actually, I was really mean, and raced out of the Forbidden Section. He bounded after me, and then I whirled around and raced back, putting the gate back up. I know – not nice.
Once I finally sat down again to type, I realized that I had almost completely squandered my alone time. But I consoled myself that, once Dimples got home she would need to shower. So that added at least an hour to my alone time. Because Dimples takes forever in the shower.
The door beeped, signaling the arrival of Dimples and Firepants.
Dimples immediately made her way to my Forbidden Section hideout, ignoring Wonderbutt and shedding swimming paraphernalia in her wake.
“Mom, Dad just showed me two baby tarantulas on our sidewalk!”
O.K. Why do we have tarantulas on our sidewalk? And, more importantly, why would Cap’n Firepants feel the need to point them out to Dimples, who is petrified by the millimeter sized spiders that have an unfortunate tendency to drop on her while she is in the shower?
“Uh, you should go take a shower now. It’s late.”
“Mom, I can’t take a shower now!”
“Mom!!!! Tarantulas ON THE SIDEWALK!”
“You aren’t showering on the sidewalk, are you?”
About this time, Firepants rolls into the room, completely oblivious to the fact that he has scarred Dimples for life. I glare at him, but he doesn’t get the message.
“Take your shower!” I command in my most authoritative teacher voice.
For some reason, this inspires Wonderbutt to begin barking in the front of the house.
Dimples yells, “Stop barking!!!” as she reluctantly backs out and heads to her room to collect all of the various items necessary to have in the bathroom during a shower.
“Stop barking! Stop barking! Stop barking! Stop barking! Stop bar-”
“STOP IT! He only barked once, for crying out loud.”
“Because I kept telling him to stop barking.”
Is it bad for a mom to want to throw a baby tarantula in the shower? Just asking.
Posted on November 17, 2011, in Annoyances, Cap'n Firepants, Children, Dimples, Dogs, Family, Humor, Parenting, Wonderbutt and tagged Cap'n Firepants, Dimples, humor, tarantula, wonderbutt. Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.