Where is My Ticket to D.C.?
I won. THE Spelling Bee. I am the Champion!!!! I beat out masses of people – SIX – to become The Adult Spelling Winner of San Antonio. As you applaud my winningness, I will curtsy. Interestingly enough, “curtsy” was one of my words. (Actually, I almost flubbed that because it was technically “curtsied”, but the officials, who were not exactly punctilious -perhaps due to a couple of glasses of wine – were kind of lenient, and repeated the sentence for me. Once I ascertained that the word was in the past tense, I correctly spelled it without hesitation. It was a tense moment, though.)
No one seemed too interested in hearing my prepared Acceptance Speech immediately following the Bee, so I will offer it to you today. Since you’ve already added to my site stats by clicking on this link, it matters not to me that you don’t read it.
“I would like to thank all of the people, I mean myself, for encouraging me to take on this daunting project. Having never participated in a Spelling Bee designed for people over 10, I did not know what to expect. But I refused to let that sway me from my chosen path. I persevered through the harrowing training (reading the book- at least most of it) with the persistence of a Wall Street Occupier, and triumphed over the many obstacles that were thrown in my path along the way – such as my colonoscopy and a bulldog with no regard for anything other than him that receives too much of my attention. It is with no small amount of pride that I accept this award to place on my shelf as evidence of my great spelling prowess. Thank you to Bill Fisher and Gemini Ink for hosting the Bee and to David Liss for writing the truly excellent book (that I wish I had written), The Whiskey Rebels, from which the delightfully uncommon words were chosen. I would also like to extend my eternal gratitude to the other contestants who apparently have lives and didn’t study obsessively like I did.
A special thank you must be offered to my bulldog, Wonderbutt, for not eating my copy of The Whiskey Rebels. This particular story might have had a completely different ending if he had not been so unobservant the other night when I inadvertently left my study guide on the table well within his reach for well over thirty minutes.”
Fortunately, Mr. Fisher wisely noted that the original prize, an inscribed copy of The Whiskey Rebels, would be slightly less valuable to the participants who had purchased the book already in order to cram for the Bee. He offered, instead, A Conspiracy of Paper, also by David Liss. Mr. Liss, himself, was on hand to autograph my copy.
I expect that I will be quite busy for a few days helping my agent to iron out my contract with Barbara Walters. So, don’t be concerned if it appears that my daily posts have been discontinued. As I advance to the Adult Spelling Bee Semi-finals (which are yet to be announced), I pledge to you that I will not allow this new role of Adult Spelling Bee Champion of San Antonio (and the Greater Metropolitan Area) to interfere with my duty to entertain my subscribers.
Now, please excuse me while I make sure that Wonderbutt has not chewed through the phone line again as the instrument appears to be inexplicably inaudible on a day when it should be ringing off the hook with phone calls from the paparazzi.