Where is My Ticket to D.C.?

I won.  THE Spelling Bee.  I am the Champion!!!!  I beat out masses of people – SIX – to become The Adult Spelling Winner of San Antonio.  As you applaud my winningness, I will curtsy.  Interestingly enough, “curtsy” was one of my words.  (Actually, I almost flubbed that because it was technically “curtsied”, but the officials, who were not exactly punctilious -perhaps due to a couple of glasses of wine – were kind of lenient, and repeated the sentence for me.  Once I ascertained that the word was in the past tense, I correctly spelled it without hesitation.  It was a tense moment, though.)

No one seemed too interested in hearing my prepared Acceptance Speech immediately following the Bee, so I will offer it to you today.  Since you’ve already added to my site stats by clicking on this link, it matters not to me that you don’t read it.

“I would like to thank all of the people, I mean myself, for encouraging me to take on this daunting project.  Having never participated in a Spelling Bee designed for people over 10, I did not know what to expect.  But I refused to let that sway me from my chosen path.  I persevered through the harrowing training (reading the book- at least most of it) with the persistence of a Wall Street Occupier, and triumphed over the many obstacles that were thrown in my path along the way – such as my colonoscopy and a bulldog with no regard for anything other than him that receives too much of my attention. It is with no small amount of pride that I accept this award to place on my shelf as evidence of my great spelling prowess.  Thank you to Bill Fisher and Gemini Ink for hosting the Bee and to David Liss for writing the truly excellent book (that I wish I had written), The Whiskey Rebels, from which the delightfully uncommon words were chosen.  I would also like to extend my eternal gratitude to the other contestants who apparently have lives and didn’t study obsessively like I did.

A special thank you must be offered to my bulldog, Wonderbutt, for not eating my copy of The Whiskey Rebels.  This particular story might have had a completely different ending if he had not been so unobservant the other night when I inadvertently left my study guide on the table well within his reach for well over thirty minutes.”

Fortunately, Mr. Fisher wisely noted that the original prize, an inscribed copy of The Whiskey Rebels, would be slightly less valuable to the participants who had purchased the book already in order to cram for the Bee.  He offered, instead, A Conspiracy of Paper, also by David Liss.  Mr. Liss, himself, was on hand to autograph my copy.

I expect that I will be quite busy for a few days helping my agent to iron out my contract with Barbara Walters.  So, don’t be concerned if it appears that my daily posts have been discontinued.  As I advance to the Adult Spelling Bee Semi-finals (which are yet to be announced), I pledge to you that I will not allow this new role of Adult Spelling Bee Champion of San Antonio (and the Greater Metropolitan Area) to interfere with my duty to entertain my subscribers.

Now, please excuse me while I make sure that Wonderbutt has not chewed through the phone line again as the instrument appears to be inexplicably inaudible on a day when it should be ringing off the hook with phone calls from the paparazzi.

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Posted on December 3, 2011, in Humor, Wonderbutt, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.

  1. Congratulations – I think!

  2. Congratulations! I guess the Whiskey Rebels was worth reading.

  3. Was there ever any question you would walk away the victor? I think not. Congrats

  4. Absolutely Wonderful…. Your David List hasn’t got very good hand writing….

    a Champion amongst Champions..My oh My!

    Love to Wonderbutt and Mrs PIB

  5. Congrats! (I’d write the proper version of this word, but I don’t know how to spell it).

  6. Congratulations!

    I did read your acceptance speech despite your offer of an opt out – “Since you’ve already added to my site stats by clicking on this link, it matters not to me that you don’t read it”.

    You are incorrigible and absolutely hilarious!! 🙂 🙂

  7. Lovely speech. Have you been taking lessons from Mr. Colin Firth?
    You forgot to mention the abdominal spasm-like dancing, the “little people”, the Hollywood foreign press, the academy, and the guy in the blue shirt. 🙂

  8. Wow, what an accomplishment! Was the famiy on hand to see the winning moment?! I am glad they changed the prize. I was worried it wouldn’t keep you as motivated to win since you already had the book…

  9. I’m glad this hasn’t gone to your head.

  10. You are clearly a master amongst spellers, and Wonderbutt a true eschewer of bedside reading material. I am in awe, and pass on my congratulations unreservedly.

  11. Just remember us little people….your faithful and loyal friends….when you move off to Hollywood and enjoy your well-deserved move into the spotlight…… I could be your pool boy if you need one 🙂

    • You could not be my pool boy, Mark. I can’t have my pool boy getting himself stuck in the pool because he has thrown out the stairs. Instead, I shall install a P.A. system in my McMansion, and allow you to make Random Public Announcements of Little to Great Import whenever you like.

  12. Congrats! You forgot to thank your Crash who went to almost all your spelling bees! Thats ok i got Dimples the flying shark for xmas! It can mingle with the clown fish.Lol

  13. Darling, you’re fabulous! I must have you on my blog. Have your agent call my agent…congratulations!

  14. Awesome. This reminds of the joy I felt when my team won the 12 – 15 year old range championship for dodgeball.

    Until it was stripped away because I’m over 40.
    Bastards.

    Congratulations, and use your newfound spotlight for good!

  15. Congrats! If they had a Spelling Don’t Bee I could strive for my own title. Unless hubby also signs up, in which case HE would win. Even I catch his misspellings, so he must be worse than me, right?

    I admire anyone that does not depend on spell check or “The Instant Spelling Dictionary” when they are composing emails at work 😉

  16. Just thought of this – Bruce Hornsby has a song about winning the spelling bee – Hooray For Tom

    Hooray, hooray for Tom/Who won the spelling bee

    http://www.cduniverse.com/bruce-hornsby-hooray-for-tom-lyrics-6716241.htm

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