I’ve Gotta Feeling This Needs a Little More Thought…

I want a flash mob at my funeral.

I attended a funeral the other day, which often gets me to thinking about what my own ceremony will look like.  As some of the other attendees spoke at the podium, I mentally checked off each of the admirable qualities possessed by the deceased:

Great cook.  Check.

Great homemaker. Check.

Nice to everyone.  Check.

Never spoke an unkind word.  Check.

Opened her house to everyone.  Check.

Pretty much all of the things no one will say about me at my funeral.

I’m afraid it’s going to be a very short ceremony.  Unless I throw a Catholic mass in, but I think we established yesterday that would not be a good idea for various reasons.

Let’s see, notable things about me – well, I guess we could drape the poster of my Awards Shelf over my coffin – except there isn’t going to be a coffin.  Cremation, of course.  So, we could drape the Awards Shelf poster over my urn.  That will make my achievements look bigger, at least.  After all, not everyone can claim that he or she was the Adult Spelling Bee Champion of San Antonio for 2011 AND won the Lifesaver Award from Dimples for saving the entire household from a very confused snake.

Still, I’m thinking, to distract everyone from the fact that there is little of note to list from my life other than being the mother of Wonderbutt, Mrs. P.I.B., and Dimples, that some entertainment is in order.

Ever since I saw the flash mob the Black Eyed Peas did for Oprah of “I’ve Gotta Feeling, I’ve thought that it would be fun to be involved in one of those.  Of course, if I’m dead, I won’t be too involved, I guess.

Thanks leuan jenkins on Flickr for providing the EXACT image I had in my head.


The other disadvantage of this plan is that I am pretty sure Cap’n Firepants would not oversee the completion of it.  Not because of his grief.  But because he hates public displays of anything and he hates to dance.  Even supervising it would probably be too onerous for him.

And, as I start going through my list of family and friends, I am discouraged by the number of people that would probably refuse to participate.  The Dictator is the only person that comes to mind who might actually be interested in the project.  Coincidentally, as if you couldn’t tell by her nickname, The Dictator  would probably be a great organizer, as well.  But I think she would have a very short list of volunteers.  Despite her nickname, there is only so much you can do to force people into participating in a flash mob.

And, since I plan to live for a very long time, most of my attendants, including The Dictator, will probably be too feeble for doing intricate dance moves.  I can just picture a bunch of elderly people in wheelchairs and on crutches suddenly breaking out into a performance of “I’ve Gotta Feeling” to the great chagrin of whoever has been conned into presiding over my good-bye ceremony.

Of course, not all flash mobs require dancing.

Everyone could dress like zombies, like this pic from Dave Schumaker on Flickr - somewhat appropriate, maybe, for a funeral? (Is that Cap'n Firepants in the front?!!!)

Or they could just do a bikini bike ride in my honor. badjonni on Flickr, uh, thanks, I think?


Perhaps I need to rethink this whole plan.  Or, maybe, the multitude of people who will be following my blog by then will come together in an act of solidarity and perform  an amazing Around the Globe Flash Mob in my honor.

Fine. I’m rethinking the plan.

Posted on December 11, 2011, in Cap'n Firepants, Death, Humor and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.

  1. I actually participated in a flash mob. (though not for a funeral or any particular reason.) It was alot of fun!


  2. Oops pressed send too early. If you watch the video (no pressure), you can actually see the back of me at 51 seconds. Green shirt and jeans, long curly hair 🙂

  3. FLash Mob at a Funeral…what a wickedly wonderful idea!

  4. I’d be up for the flash mob dance… At my funeral I don’t want anyone doing a flash mob dance, I want them all hysterically crying. Nobody will be able to get ahold of themselves, especially the husband and children!

  5. I vote for a really big dinner. I’d come. I’d participate.

  6. I want a flash mob at my funeral too, though I’m talking trench coat, not dancing.

  7. I like the flash mob concept. And food.

  8. I’ve always said I want people to eat pasta at my funeral, and now you have me brewing a flash mob scheme. To make it work, though, I’d have to know ahead of time when I was going to die and I’m really not sure I want that. It might be better to not see it coming, right?

    • I’m thinking that some preparation would have to be done ahead of time, of course, but not necessarily with an expected date in mind. Maybe I could leave an instructional video on YouTube to be viewed in the instance of my death…

  9. Maybe you could get the kids you teach to do the flash mob. Of course if it’s at your funeral you won’t be able to motivate them with grades.

  10. Another hilarious post. I don’t know how you think of these things! When I read the opening line, “I want a flash mob at my funeral”, I knew I was in for a reading treat and I was not disappointed! Great post 🙂

  11. I’m game – except for the bikini bike ride…

  12. Chancy, Mumsy and Crew

    This post is so funny! Thanks for the great laugh to get me off to a good start this morning. Hugs and nose kisses

  13. I have not considered a flash mob, however, I have requested that at my wake, the coffin be made into a bar with beer tappers attached, glass topped so people can see me looking at them, and a clown. Clowns and wakes just seem so ridiculous to me. With you talking about dancing though, that gets me to thinking, maybe I can have a Coyote Ugly kind of thing happen. They can dance on my bar coffin.

  14. Hang on a minute! This is your final hoorah, so you get the final say. Insist on the flash mob.

  15. writingandrecovering

    I’ll participate in a flash mob at your funeral even though I don’t know you outside of the internet world.

  16. Three words:

    Flash. Mob. Thriller.

    Sorry. I’m on a zombie kick. 🙂

  17. My daughter’s boyfriend was a bit shocked when we were listening to the radio and my daughter asked, “Mom is that the song you want us to sing at your funeral?” His reply, “You already planned your funeral?” Not really-just that one song but after this post, I need to rethink the whole thing. Loved it.

  18. Hey there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy
    reading your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects?
    Thank you so much!

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