It’s a Wonderbutt Life
A year ago, I was yearning for a bulldog and dropping “hints” to my husband, Cap’n Firepants every few minutes. I expected that the hours I spent drooling over puppy pictures on the internet and watching live camera feeds of litters of bulldogs in addition to me asking, “How would you feel about getting a bulldog?” every other day would result in the cliche dog in a box with a bow on top on Christmas morning.
When, by the end of Christmas day, I realized no such surprise was forthcoming, I sighed at Cap’n Firepants’ inadequate communication skills, and resigned myself to waiting until someone literally dropped a bulldog puppy on our doorstep.
The day after Christmas, we took Dimples to the pet store to get her a promised Betta fish. And, there was Wonderbutt.
Little did any of us know that such a cuddly clown could be quite so destructive.
So, we have approached our holiday decorating less zealously this year. According to Dimples, Wonderbutt “is ruining Christmas” because of the accommodations that have been made. She obviously does not remember the numerous adjustments made in her honor when she was going through her terrible two’s – and three’s… and four’s.
We tentatively hung up some stockings first. When we realized that dangling them from the mantle was just tempting Wonderbutt to conk himself on the head with the metal stocking holders, the Cap’n wisely moved them to higher ledges on the bookshelves.
Next, we ventured to hang up a real Christmas wreath we had received as a gift. The evergreen smell was so scrumptious that we hung it inside. Wonderbutt showed no interest. Until a week went by, and he had a few upset stomachs. Apparently, the wreath was dropping juniper berries, which our canine vacuum cleaner immediately ingested. Outside went the wreath.
Finally, we took deep breaths, crossed our fingers, and put up our tree. It is mostly Wonderbutt-proof with the help of some furniture movement and a couple of baby gates. (We are starting to run out of baby gates in our house. It’s amazing we possess as many as we do – seeing as how Dimples is now nine years old and the only baby we ever had.)
I let the Festive Force Field down long enough for Wonderbutt to investigate the holiday area. He went straight for the ornaments, of course. Amazingly, he broke nothing. So far, the only person who has broken any ornaments is me – after I warned Dimples that she needed to be really careful since we have no carpeting on the floor right now. Fortunately, the breakable ornaments are cheap ones from Target. Our most precious ornaments are more sentimentally valuable rather than materially expensive. Papa Firepants (the Cap’n’s Pop, who passed away a few years ago) made many of the ornaments. Woe to Wonderbutt if he decides to chomp on one of those; they are full of straight pins that would be slightly more painful than the carpet padding and cushions he usually favors. The sequins might make his poop really pretty, though.
Giddy with the semi-success of our partial holiday decorating, I attempted to get some Christmas pics of Wonderbutt and Mrs. Pain in the Butt. That was predictably unsuccessful.
I decided that it might be helpful if Wonderbutt were to be slightly sleepy, so I waited until he was snoring loudly on the couch, and popped the antlers on.
Slightly less unsuccessful.
It didn’t really work with Mrs. P.I.B., either. She’s usually a pretty good sport, but I think she is getting a little more cranky in her golden years.
“Max doesn’t act this way when the Grinch puts antlers on him,” I grumbled, but that did not seem to convince either dog to be more obliging.
Cap’n Firepants suggested I do some of my Photoshop magic, but I’d rather stick with the genuine pics.
With stockings hung from our bookshelves, a house smelling like juniper berry vomit, and a Harry Potter nativity scene, it’s not like we can pretend we have a conventional Christmas anyway.
Posted on December 12, 2011, in Cap'n Firepants, Children, Dimples, Dogs, Family, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt and tagged bulldogs, Christmas, humor, wonderbutt. Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.