It’s a Wonderbutt Life

A year ago, I was yearning for a bulldog and dropping “hints” to my husband, Cap’n Firepants every few minutes.  I expected that the hours I spent drooling over puppy pictures on the internet and watching live camera feeds of litters of bulldogs in addition to me asking, “How would you feel about getting a bulldog?” every other day would result in the cliche dog in a box with a bow on top on Christmas morning.


When, by the end of Christmas day, I realized no such surprise was forthcoming, I sighed at Cap’n Firepants’ inadequate communication skills, and resigned myself to waiting until someone literally dropped a bulldog puppy on our doorstep.

The day after Christmas, we took Dimples to the pet store to get her a promised Betta fish.  And, there was Wonderbutt.

Once Wonderbutt fell asleep on Cap'n Firepants, the deed was done.

Little did any of us know that such a cuddly clown could be quite so destructive.

So, we have approached our holiday decorating less zealously this year.  According to Dimples, Wonderbutt “is ruining Christmas” because of the accommodations that have been made.  She obviously does not remember the numerous adjustments made in her honor when she was going through her terrible two’s – and three’s… and four’s.

We tentatively hung up some stockings first.  When we realized that dangling them from the mantle was just tempting Wonderbutt to conk himself on the head with the metal stocking holders, the Cap’n wisely moved them to higher ledges on the bookshelves.

Next, we ventured to hang up a real Christmas wreath we had received as a gift.  The evergreen smell was so scrumptious that we hung it inside.  Wonderbutt showed no interest.  Until a week went by, and he had a few upset stomachs.  Apparently, the wreath was dropping juniper berries, which our canine vacuum cleaner immediately ingested.  Outside went the wreath.

Finally, we took deep breaths, crossed our fingers, and put up our tree.  It is mostly Wonderbutt-proof with the help of some furniture movement and a couple of baby gates.  (We are starting to run out of baby gates in our house.  It’s amazing we possess as many as we do – seeing as how Dimples is now nine years old and the only baby we ever had.)

I let the Festive Force Field down long enough for Wonderbutt to investigate the holiday area.  He went straight for the ornaments, of course.  Amazingly, he broke nothing.  So far, the only person who has broken any ornaments is me – after I warned Dimples that she needed to be really careful since we have no carpeting on the floor right now.  Fortunately, the breakable ornaments are cheap ones from Target.  Our most precious ornaments are more sentimentally valuable rather than materially expensive.  Papa Firepants (the Cap’n’s Pop, who passed away a few years ago) made many of the ornaments.  Woe to Wonderbutt if he decides to chomp on one of those; they are full of straight pins that would be slightly more painful than the carpet padding and cushions he usually favors.  The sequins might make his poop really pretty, though.

Giddy with the semi-success of our partial holiday decorating, I attempted to get some Christmas pics of Wonderbutt and Mrs. Pain in the Butt.  That was predictably unsuccessful.

I decided that it might be helpful if Wonderbutt were to be slightly sleepy, so I waited until he was snoring loudly on the couch, and popped the antlers on.

Slightly less unsuccessful.

It didn’t really work with Mrs. P.I.B., either.  She’s usually a pretty good sport, but I think she is getting a little more cranky in her golden years.

“Max doesn’t act this way when the Grinch puts antlers on him,” I grumbled, but that did not seem to convince either dog to be more obliging.

Cap’n Firepants suggested I do some of my Photoshop magic, but I’d rather stick with the genuine pics.

With stockings hung from our bookshelves, a house smelling like juniper berry vomit, and a Harry Potter nativity scene, it’s not like we can pretend we have a conventional Christmas anyway.

Posted on December 12, 2011, in Cap'n Firepants, Children, Dimples, Dogs, Family, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.

  1. What a wonderful Wonderbutt Christmas. The puppy picture is just too cute! Thanks for sharing your entire “family” with all of us.

  2. Juniper berry vomit… hmm can almost smell it! Is Wonderbutt going to have a 1 year anniversary party for getting adopted on the the 26th? It would make a great blog. 😉

  3. Love, love, LOVE the pic of wonderbutt w the antlers on!!!!!!

  4. That’s funny, and the pics are so cute. I think I’ll blame our dog for the lack of Christmas decor in our house this year. (really, I just haven’t been into decorating much this time; maybe I should break out the Christmas beer early ((don’t like wine or eggnog but I might need something to get me through))). 😉

  5. I hate to say it, but I love the image of pretty poop with sequins in it because I’ve seen so many things come through in Bongo’s. I’m sure glad Bongo doesn’t eat juniper berries though, because I’ve had to sweep up buckets of them this year from our tree out front.

  6. hahahaha! Mrs. PIB would make a perfect Christmas car, I think. That puppy photo is too cute.

  7. I’m terrified at what my yellow lab is going to do when I bring him to my parents’ for Christmas. He’s basically just going to pretend he’s not a wel-trained guidedog the entire time and eat everything that isn’t nailed down. I think my mother might hate me when this is all over.

  8. writingandrecovering

    But you know you love Wonderbutt anyway.

  9. Chancy, Mumsy and Crew

    We are loving reading of your unconventional Christmas. Those pictures are great we love the last one. It sounds like a very fun Christmas around your place. Hugs and nose kisses

  10. I love the pics, especially all of them!

  11. There are so many funny parts to your post that it’s hard for me to pick a favorite but…..”canine vacuum cleaner” and “She obviously does not remember the numerous adjustments made in her honor when she was going through her terrible two’s – and three’s… and four’s” are fantastic! 🙂

  12. No matter how many precautions you take …where there is a will there is a way and Wonderbutt will find it.

  13. I pressed the button before I was ready…

    He was so cute when he was a baby..little did you know what lay ahead.

    Talking about a head, Mrs PIB and Wonderbutt would looke lovely in reindeer antlers but perhaps looking coooky is beyond them

  14. Dang it you are making me want a Wonderbutt, dog that is. Sounds like heaven in home to me.

  15. My niece’s answer to baby-proofing the tree was a playpen. She didn’t put the baby in the playpen, she put the tree in the playpen with the baby on the outside. Would work for a dog too I think.

  16. Awww… I wish my pets were half as cute as yours. 🙂

  17. I had been meaning to ask you how old Wonderbutt was and now I know.

    He’s still relatively young and full of energy. Savannah will be 5 in 2012 (hard to believe) and was definitely a lot more active back when she was younger.

    Someone once told us that she’d calm down after the first year and we had her fixed.

    She’s slowed down so much that I’d worry she’s still with us. The I hear her snoring and/or farting and know all is well with the world.

  18. That little Wonderbutt is so damn cute, I can’t stand it! The sequins in the poop reminded me of how I used to find Polly Pocket shoes in Jay’s diapers. Horrifying until I figured out what they were.

    • OMG! What the heck was he eating them for?!!!! What a shocker that would be! The most horrifying thing Dimples ever ate was a glow necklace. Actually, she just bit on it, and it spewed all of the glow liquid into her mouth. Apparently it isn’t toxic. For future reference.

  19. My oldest son ate a quarter. (hmmm….I believe I have happened upon a blog post…ta da!) He was two. I had to search for said quarter. Joy of joys. Of course it came out in the one he flushed. Not a happy memory. Sparkly poo? Definitely not too graphic. Funny stuff. You never disappoint.

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