Please Send Congratulations in the Form of Donations to the Wonderbutt Disaster Relief Fund

I just got the best Christmas present ever!  Jennifer Aniston was named the sexiest woman alive by Men’s Health Magazine.

source: Men's Health Magazine


According to the Hollywood Reporter:  “But what really makes this honor culturally interesting is that Aniston is over 40, otherwise known as way past the expiration date on the shelf life of female sexual appeal, especially in age-conscious Hollywood. Such sexiest woman titles are usually reserved for young nubile 20ish actresses.”


What’s wrong?

Seriously, do I need to walk you through this?


Jennifer is no longer nubile and 20ish.  Neither am I.

Jennifer is almost 43 (in February).  I AM 43!!!!!!

Jennifer does not get along with her mother.  Neither do I.

Jennifer got married to Brad Pitt on the same exact day I married Cap’n Firepants –   same day, same month, same year.

We both have FRIENDS!

Got it?  Logic dictates that if Jennifer Aniston, who claims she has had no beauty injections, and works out as many times a week as I do (give or take a few days), is the Sexiest Woman Alive, then so am I.

Or close.

I sense your reluctance to accept this course of thought.  I lost you on the marriage part, didn’t I?  I know; she and Brad got divorced.  The Cap’n and I are still going strong.  There is a slight disparity there.

Fine.  You’re right.  We have absolutely nothing in common.  Thank you for clarifying that.  You may move on to your next blog now.

But I tell you this.  If you had the choice between being declared the Sexiest Woman Alive OR being Mrs. Cap’n Firepants, mother of Dimples, roommate of Mrs. P.I.B.,  and the recipient of Wonderbutt’s adoring snores and gas clouds every evening, I think we all know what you would choose.

Merry Christmas to me.



Posted on December 27, 2011, in Cap'n Firepants, Dimples, Dogs, Family, Humor, Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. Yay! I’ll be forty soon, so I’m glad to hear there’s hope for me!

  2. I can get very attached to celebrities with the remotest of connections – like when Mary Tyler Moore wore the same shirt on her tv show. I felt kinship right there, and I couldn’t throw the shirt away for about 20 years.
    So your connection to Jennifer makes perfect sense to me!

  3. You’ve got Wonderbutt, and what more could anyone ask.

  4. I’d definitely go for Mrs Capt’n Firepants, then I would have a Mrs PIB and a WB…then I’d win both ways….

  5. Merry Christmas to Mrs. Capt’n Firepants! 🙂 What a great post! We laughed while reading it.
    Keep up the great blogging!

    God Bless you!

    Chuck, Darcy and the Collies 🙂

  6. The award was actually Sexiest Woman Of All Time! One has to question the sanity of the editors of Men’s Health magazine. They should stick to men’s health and not try to distill the sexiest woman ever down to one 43 year old present actress of dubious worth. Sure, she’s cute. But how can you discount almost 100 years of sexy women just because those women do not fit what we now consider as sexy? For their times they were the epitome of sex, though now their sexiness night be considered laughable. Even over the top. And so, too, will Jennifer Aniston’s one day. To my mind, a 43 year old woman is still nubile. I really do think the sexiest woman of all time is my 65 year old C. Now I’ll step down off my soap box! Except to say that the sexiest ACTRESS of all time for me is Katherine Hepburn, who I once met when she was about 70. And still sexy!

  7. No that you mention it, I’ve never seen you and Jennifer Aniston at the same time…Hmm….

  8. It is such a close match! 🙂

  9. Merry Christmas indeed! I’ve always said Ms. Aniston is one of the few celebrities I’d rather meet for a burger than run over with my car. It’s an exceptionally short list.

    I’m glad to see someone who looks almost like a real person getting some acclaim.

    Maybe 43 is the new 25?

  10. Hollywood Fame = Intrusive Nightmare.

    Anonymous Internet Fame = Awesome.

    … you’ve made the right choice. 🙂

  11. Funny! I bet you’re way happier than good old Jen.

  12. I pick you! Why don’t you get a Wonderbutt tattoo on your foot and that will make up for the divorcing Brad part?

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