Studies are Detrimental to my Health – and Sanity

Have you Been Spying on me, Jennifer Hull at jenniferhull.com?

Ever since I found out about the multitasking study recently done by Stanford, I have become a bumbling, inefficient, no-tasking idiot.

Having hypochondriacal tendencies, I merely have to hear about a disease before I begin to display its symptoms, and this apparently extends to brain function, or the lack thereof.  I was once a gloriously productive multitasker with the ability to juggle at least 5 activities at the same time – not including breathing and moving blood through my body.  Now, I am lucky if I am able to get the latter done.

According to the Stanford studies, high multitaskers cannot filter out irrelevant information as easily and have a hard time organizing their memories.

I thought the culprit for that was Motherhood.  But when you think about it, I guess Motherhood is probably the Queen of multitasking activities.  Fatherhood is not.  This is evidenced by the fact that my husband is unable to do anything else, including laundry, the rare times that he is the only one responsible for keeping an eye on our daughter.

According to the Stanford study – or the creative extrapolations made by reporters from the study – my husband is probably doing a better job than I am.

I guess that depends on how you define his job.  If being a father is merely sitting in an armchair with your daughter and watching MacGyver, then, yes, he is Aces.  I cannot sit down and watch anything without doing something at the same time.  Even if I’m only playing Sudoku on my iPad.

If parenting includes helping your child with homework while you are: cooking dinner, feeding the dogs and trying to keep them from tearing each other’s throats out, rinsing out the pots from the night before so you have enough to cook the dinner in, listening to messages on the answering machine, adding food to the grocery list, AND signing your daughter’s field trip permission form – well, I think I might win out on that one.

At least I would have before the Stanford study came to my attention.  Now, I’m: putting dog food on the stove in the unwashed pots, pressing the button on the timer to listen to my messages, letting the dogs rip up the permission form and, what the heck, they can have the homework while they are at it, and completely forgetting to put anything on the grocery list except the word, “HELP!”

You owe my daughter a scholarship for this, Stanford.

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Posted on January 12, 2012, in Annoyances, Children, Family, Humor, Parenting, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. Well bravo. And I can’t sit in front of the TV without doing something either.

  2. My multi-tasking is now reduced to eating as I type this.

  3. OH … MY … I just laughed my head off reading this. My wife can NOT just sit and watch tv without having her iPhone in her hands at all times. Me, if I am watching Tori, she is on my lap watching whatever it is that is on. The similarities are frightening.

  4. i don’t have children, but a few years ago I agreed to watch my brother’s four year old while preparing Thanksgiving dinner. My husband was appalled. “You can’t cook dinner and watch the kid at the same time!”
    I think he really didn’t know that’s what women have been doing since the beginning of time.

    • I might have over-exaggerated a bit there – as I am not exactly a gourmet cook. I’m talking Hamburger Helper, definitely not turkey and all of the sides. You are WAY better than me!

  5. That last you is the best you. I’ve been known to press buttons on the timer to raise the heat on the thermostat.
    Women: we be funny like that sometime.

  6. If Wonderbutt doesn’t eat Dimple’s homework, I’ll take care of it.

  7. Hey 2Say: SHE’S still laughing…thanks for making HER day!

  8. I don’t believe the study!! But, at the same time I can kind of see where they are coming from. Because unfortunately, while I consider myself a great multi-tasker, the tasks I am doing aren’t always my most stellar work or I may have been known to do something wrong while preoccupied.

  9. Egads – I am afraid to read the study should the same thing happen to me!

    I remember I read the DSM for a psych class when I was in college and was convinced I had most of the mental disorders for a week – it wasn’t pretty 🙂

  10. hilarious. i may have snorted a little. i thought i was the only one who was fu$%ing terrified of that study. we are screwed. humanity as we know it is in serious trouble.

  11. Your creativity amazes me everytime I read your blog. All that mullti-tasking while producing imaginative, hillarious posts.

  12. I used to multi-task until I realized none of my tasks were getting done.

  13. “According to the Stanford studies, high multitaskers cannot filter out irrelevant information as easily and have a hard time organizing their memories.”

    It’s not just multitaskers… Pretty much anyone who is high has a hard time filtering out irrelevant information and organizing their memories…

    What do you mean I missed the point of your post? 😉

  14. You forgot blogging! 🙂

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