Scary Monsters Give Me the Super Creeps

I have a cold.  Or allergies.  It’s hard to be certain.  Not that you care.  Not that I am implying that you are heartless.  I just think my health is probably not your top priority at the moment.  Particularly since it’s not even my top priority.

My actual top priority is trying to think of something to write today.  Because I have been a complete wuss and babying myself with this blasted unplanned, unprioritized, uncertain illness, nothing of note has happened in my life.  Usually, when nothing of note occurs, I try to write about unnoted occurrences.  Or try to make something happen, like teach Wonderbutt a new trick that is doomed to fail.  But I don’t even have the energy to do that.  Plus, I’m a little disoriented, what with the medication and the movie I talked Dimples and myself into viewing.

I just watched Labyrinth with my 9 year old daughter, and I feel like I was on a two hour trip.  And I’m not talking the Gilligan’s Island kind of trip either.  Seriously, what kind of drugs were Frank Oz and Jim Henson on when they agreed to that script?  I understand David Bowie jumping wholeheartedly into that project, but the mutant muppets and plotless nightmare of a script made me seriously consider asking Dimples if she just wanted to watch The Sound of Music for the 15 and a halfeth time.

David Bowie, the Goblin King, Stuff of my Nyquilmares

A very young Jennifer Connelly is in Labyrinth, and I found myself wondering what it must be like to be so absolutely stunningly glamorous that even I, a 43-year-old heterosexual woman who is desperately trying to find the remote so she can switch off this horrendous dreck, can’t keep my eyes off of her.  Many years have passed since Jennifer Connelly played that role, but I bet she has not once ever worn her pajamas for 24 hours straight and sprawled out on a couch with a gaseous bulldog draped over her legs and a wide-eyed nine year old daughter snuggled into the crook of her arm questioning what the heck does David Bowie have packed into those tight pants? (I was wondering the latter, not my daughter – at least I hope not.)  I was also wondering if I had mistakenly taken my medication twice.  Or maybe I hadn’t taken it at all and had fallen into a coma.

The only appealing character in the story was Ludo (the one on the right) - who strangely reminded me of Wonderbutt.

So, anyway.  I have a cold.  Or allergies.  And I do not recommend the movie Labyrinth.

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Posted on January 15, 2012, in Blogging, Dimples, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. Labyrinth is in my top 5 movies ever made list. Okay, I’m totally lying. It’s in the top 3. Giant puppets, David Bowie, shiny shiny spandex… seriously, what more can a movie need? The ony part I tend to agree with you about is the creepy tunnel of grabbing hands. Other than that, it’s a cinamatic masterpiece. David Bowie and I are totally offended.

    • I’m so sorry! If it’s any consolation, I thought it was very imaginative and the sets were really cool. It’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
      Well, so far it is – but I’m sure I’ll see a worse one the next time my defenses are down.

  2. I have had three people recommend that movie – but the photos of the characters on the box gave me nightmares!

  3. I don’t think I could take two minutes of it. It looks horrible! But I’m sure I’ve seen worse at some point in my 80s upbringing.

  4. I totally agree about that movie – such a waste of time! I, too, have been struggling with a horrible cold and it’s so not fun. I hope that today finds you feeling better!

    • I hope you are better, too! Don’t you hate how colds completely drain you of all life force, but you feel like such a wimp for trying to take it easy?

      • That is exactly right and a good way of putting it – feeling like a wimp for a mere cold, yet it’s miserable! I am a lot better…thanks! Now my daughter is coming down with it. Bother. Maybe we’ll have to watch Labrynth together tomorrow…just kidding!

  5. Right? So terrifying. I rewatched it a few years ago and wondered how on earth it didn’t give me nightmares as a child. Though I think The Dark Crystal is even more terrifying! Muppets: the clowns of the ’80s…
    The Goonies to cleanse the palette?

  6. Oh my god! Labrynth is one of the best movies of all time! And I’m not afraid to say it… I was and still am completely in love with David Bowie as the Goblin King…. It may have something to do with what’s in his pants…

  7. I think a good follow up would be The Dark Crystal.

  8. I’ve never watched movies on drugs but apaprently it is interesting. After my boyfriend got his wisdom teeth out he watched blue velvet and still doesn’t know what went on. Since I’ll be on drugs in about a week after my teeth operations I’m curious what it’ll be like when I watch movies. Kinda thinking I shouldn’t.
    Anyway, I hope you feel better, whether it’s a cold or allergies. Or both.

  9. I loved that movie when I was younger. My kids like it too, although my 7-year-old has this to say of David Bowie:

    “He can’t sing. Also, he wears bad pants, mommy.”

  10. Your caption on the last picture made me laugh, and it reminded me of something I had nearly forgotten.

    The dragon in the movie Dragonheart, voiced by Sean Connery (because, of course, dragons could talk), reminds me VERY much of my cat.

    Physically, not in voice. My cat’s voice is different.

    Plus he doesn’t look like a dragon.

    Wait. Did I just disprove my own story…

    Yeah. Anyway, the manerisms, and the way the fake dragon in the movie moved, somehow always reminded me of my cat.

    Plus he has the same accent.

    I’ll stop now. 🙂

  11. I gotta even up the battlefield – i love Labyrinth and David Bowie in all his eyeshadowy, mullet-y, spandexy glory!

    Though, if this movie creeped you out, I don’t recommend Dark Crystal.. much weirder..

    The movie I rewatched and had a ‘what the’ moment was “The Last Unicorn” it’s a cartoon but it alludes to more phalluseses than Mr Bowie’s tights do…or something like that, I think I’ve repressed the memories!

  12. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Labyrinth that I hardly remember anything about it. I do remember Dark Crystal though.

  13. Another hilarious post full of extremely funny observations. I can see why you thought Ludo has a passing resemblance to Wonderbutt 🙂

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