Note to Self: Shut Up

Do you know how sometimes you experience something and think, gosh it would really make me feel better to tell my Significant Other about this, but my Significant Other isn’t really going to benefit from that confession, so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut?  So, you resolve, hey, I’m never going to mention this little item to my Significant Other.  Like never.  Even if I think I’m dying or get really, stinking drunk.

And your Significant Other comes home from work, and you hear the door, and you tell yourself, now remember, Self, this is just between you and me.  What Significant Other doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

And then your Significant Other walks into the room and you blurt out,

“I almost died today!”

And your Significant Other thinks that, as usual, you are being over dramatic, and as you relate your story your Significant Other gets paler and paler as he realizes that, yes indeed, you almost died today.  Or, at the very least you almost got a huge auto insurance hike, which probably would have ultimately resulted in your demise anyway as soon as he found out.

It rained last night.  I will relate to you the fun of the evening at our house with two dogs who suffer from Storm Anxiety some other time.  But, the point is that I was very exhausted, and the roads were a bit slick when I was driving to work this morning.

I was cruising along the highway at 7 AM, completely commiserating with J.C. on Mix 96 who just got dissed by his mom because he reconnected with his biological father, when I suddenly saw a big metal fender thingamabobber sticking out of the road shoulder on my left.

I swerved to avoid it, swerved back to stay out of the cars in the right lane, and continued to live out every Defensive Driving Don’t Do This video clip I have ever witnessed the three or four times or maybe five times I’ve attended such courses, as I tried to avoid the concrete barrier.

I ended up careening through three lines of traffic, momentarily facing the wrong direction a couple of times, and finally landing in the lane next to the exit lane with a truck barreling toward me.

The truck driver apparently decided he would give me a break, and decided this would be a good time to exit whether he wanted to or not.

I rotated my car to face the right direction, merged right back in to traffic, and continued my trip to work.

Cap’n Firepants listened to the complete story, and, to his credit, said, “I’m glad you’re okay” instead of “Who the hell ever decided to give you a drivers license?  For God’s sake, give me your car keys now!  You’re a friggin’ Menace to Society, Woman!”

Which, I’m pretty sure, was whatHeMeant2say.

Pretty Much the Reaction I Was Going For

photo credit: <a href=””>Joaquin Villaverde Photography</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>cc</a&gt;

Posted on January 26, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Death, Family, Humor, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 44 Comments.

  1. Wow!
    Thank God you are okay! Whew…. okay now I am going to go have a stiff drink after reading about your ride….

    God Bless You!
    The Collies and Chuck 🙂

  2. WHAAA??? How come we didn’t get this story in person?? Glad you are ok!! Its hard to make that call when you are driving- whether to swerve, try to clip the object… But you probably did the right thing.

    • Confession – I had a feeling I was going to blog about it, and I am terrible at writing stuff after I’ve already talked about it.
      Plus – I was much more interested in you and your mom’s wedding tales 😉

  3. Glad you are ok! And I know the feeling. “I will not tell, I will not tell. HEY! Guess what happened to me today?!” Driving can be scary sometimes. Stay safe! No more random things in the road causing you to swerve,ok?

  4. Every now and then they manage to say the right thing 🙂 I am so glad you are safe…

  5. Yikes! Thank goodness you’re okay!

  6. Glad you’re okay – this sounds scary!

  7. Yikes! So glad the only damage was to nerves (yours and his). If it’d been me, there probably would’ve been some cleaning bills for the driver’s seat upholstery, too.

  8. No, his response was the right one.
    Glad you’re ok!

  9. That’s horrifying! I too am happy your are safe. How did you manage to continue driving? I think I’d be an incoherent gelatinous mess.

    • I think it seemed so completely unbelievable to me that I had escaped unscathed (and not caused a chain reaction) that I really wasn’t upset at the time. It’s starting to dawn on me now…

  10. I agree with Rich. In fact I amy well have deserted the vehicle.

    • It was pretty apparent that exiting the vehicle would immediately would have had the results I had just spent 20 seconds trying to avoid. And, staying still did not seem too appealing with everyone else heading for me at 70 mph.

  11. Scary! Glad you’re alright. And yes, I’ve had that exact same conversation with Self about keeping things quiet but end up spilling my guts. Self doesn’t listen very well…

    • I even offered Self the added bonus that I could spill my guts about it on this blog, and Cap’n Firepants would be none the wiser. But I think that Self was feeling a little rebellious…

  12. I am glad you are okay! Those moments leave me shaken for weeks.

  13. on dry days here there are an average of 20 accidents. on rainy days it goes up to 1,678,548,432 (that’s just an estimate). glad you were not one of them. (oh, and am just a little frightened that you write this fabulous blog AND listen to j.c. the two together just don’t seem right in my mind. but, that could be because my mind is just not right.) ;o)

  14. Don’t you think that’s going a little bit overboard to come up with a blog post? Glad you’re okay.

  15. Yeah i just keep my mouth shut cuz i do enough stupid stuff he alteady knows about.

  16. That was scary! My husband would say, “Be Careful!” with a lot of exasperation in his voice. And he would then believe he has given me extremely good advice.

    • “Just be careful,” is what the Cap’n usually tells me, with a very obvious tone of doubt in his voice, right before I attempt a home improvement project. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the numerous times I’ve injured myself or come close to demolishing the house.

  17. That is so scary. I’m so glad you’re ok…this story also makes me remember that sometimes not being able to drive is a really good thing.

  18. So glad you were okay – and other people, too! Uff da. And I adore your last line.

  19. Thank God you’re ok! That’s so scary, you must have been a pile of nerves by the time you got to work.
    I hope your weekend is danger-free!

  20. You’re guardian angel probably quit and is now doing something easier – like keeping toddlers from harm.
    Glad you’re still with us!!

    • Actually, it’s my belief that I have a Guard Rail Guardian Angel, who is specifically assigned to watch me when I am driving. It’s the only explanation for why I have survived so long!

  1. Pingback: The Night Before I Almost Died « whatimeant2say

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