I Spoil You

I don’t think You People realize how lucky you are.  You already get a daily dose of WhatIMeant2say ON DEMAND for free.  And, bundled into this service, you get Private Service Announcements from Wonderbutt the Bulldog about durable dog toys and, uh, well, lots of other stuff.

And, now, you are going to get your very own Winter Weather forecast thrown in.  And you thought I didn’t love you.

I’m tired of this prognosticating Punxsutawney Phil .  What a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  We are IN THE TWENTY-FIRST century, People!  Let’s get a little more scientific here.

For those of you who, along with me, snort at superstition, I am providing you with my very own meteorological prediction based on mathematical/scientifical facts.

Exhibit A: My Favorite Pair of Winter Boots

Exhibit A Closeup: Note the missing heel on the left boot, which is actually my right boot.

I walked around in these for an entire day.  I noticed my right boot made a different sound when it hit the floor, but I was so busy that day that I couldn’t examine it until pretty much everyone but me had noted that I was walking lopsided for a reason.

Exhibit B: The Backup Boots. Only Slightly Chewed By Wonderbutt.

Unfortunately, I could only pull off these boots with pants.  Meaning that half my Winter Wardrobe had become obsolete.

Exhibit B: Two Days Later. This time the right boot is on the right. That's right.

Apparently, my right foot is much heavier than the left, creating a heel inequality that made this particular heel literally fly off my shoe  in fear of its life – making it the Captain Schettino of boot heels.

Now, I must resort to these boots, which I haven’t worn in five years.

Exhibit C: Hussy Boots or Transvestite Santa Boots - Take Your Pick

I do not like the Exhibit C boots.  I don’t even know why I bought them.  Or kept them.  So, basically, I have no Winter Boots.  3/4 of my Winter Wardrobe is relegated to the closet until next November when there are actually more than two pairs of boots left in the stores for me to choose from.

Therefore, after applying my very complicated mathematical formula to this data that has been scientifically collected, I can tell you that, based on the Black Boot Shortage that has suddenly afflicted my closet –

Drum Roll, Please…

We will have six more months of Winter.  Take that, Phil.


Posted on February 1, 2012, in Fashion, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. You had BETTER fix those d@mn boots and give me back my Spring! 6 more months of Winter in Ohio would be hell on earth!

  2. Good thing the boots didn’t affect Canada, we got it warm this year lol 😉

    • Considering it’s been in the 70’s (Fahrenheit) in San Antonio for the last week, it is quite brazen of me to predict any cold weather will ever descend upon us again. But, as you can see from my last set of boots, I’m a brazen kind of gal.

  3. I don’t know if I can handle 6 more months of winter…I don’t mean to be a whiny demanding customer, but since you can bundle you services…can’t you bundle that cold weather a little. It probably doesn’t want to be cold that long. P.s. I think your hooker/hussy/transvestite boots look just fine. 🙂

  4. Don’t get any more boots. According to your prediction it won’t get hot until August.

  5. when you buy boots, buy practicle ones not ones with heels that fall of ..good solid flat boots.

    the others are only for fashion not for using in bad weather

  6. Very scientific indeed!

  7. lol, hilarious. And so true. It’s like when you pack away your winter boots, because the weather’s been super nice, and it is clearly now spring… at that point, once everything is difficult to access, that’s when the freezing rain, hail, snow and icy winds will arrive again, just long enough to make you take out all your winter gear from where it got packed away.

    • Don’t tell anyone, but I have two closets. I am so lucky, because it is only a matter of walking a couple of feet to my other closet. This is why I refuse to have more children, resulting in less closet space, resulting in packing up seasonal clothes, resulting in temper tantrums (from me) when I wake up to the wrong season.

  8. oh my gosh. very funny. i actually snorted. i call THAT science and i will leave the tranny santa BEHIND. incredibly lucky for you that it is *almost* warm enough for flip-flops again.

  9. The boots are in cahoots against us! Bring out the flip flops!

    Thank goodness I’m not paying extra for the premium service. I’d have been very grumpy If I had spent money for this forecast!

    The boots aren’t repairable?

    • You get what you get, and don’t pitch a fit.

      This is what my students like to chant when I am passing out things. Apparently, in Texas, “get” and “fit” are supposed to rhyme.

      Yes, they could be repaired, I suppose. But first I have to try to fix them myself. Then I will bring them to the Shoe Hospital, and they will tell me that they COULD have fixed them if I hadn’t ruined them by trying to fix them myself.

      At least I think that is what will happen.

  11. No. Spring. Now. The weather is so nice here now I’m kind of worried. It better not snow again.

  12. Wow, we have never seen winter boots like those here…. 🙂 Would sort of brighten up the winter… er… um…. yes, we have never seen boots like those here in the winter….
    Yes, take that dear gopher or whatever type of rat you are there in Pennsylvania! Great post as usual!

  13. I love your blog thank you !

  14. Haha! I am sure boots will start going on sale soon- especially here in SA, and you can get some for a steal. You should probably get two so you will have a back up for next “winter”.

  15. Meteorological footwear! I love it 🙂

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