I’ll Just Blame it on the Dog
Still recovering from my whirlwind trip down the red carpet in my Vera Wang gown, I find myself back in the real world once again tasked with the mundane. Today’s challenge – wrapping a baby shower gift.
I am the Worse Wrapper in the World. Note the “w” in “wrapper”. Because I can totally rap, I’m telling you. As long as no one is watching me. But I can’t wrap to save my life -with or without an audience.
I am good about buying the gift ahead of time, but that’s where my planning and foresight usually end. I focus completely on finding the perfect gift. Wrapping it never crosses my mind while I am actually at the store where I could, perhaps, find some suitable attire for my well-chosen present. Because I generally skip that step in the whole thinking ahead process, I typically find myself frantically turning the house inside out as I look for appropriate packaging an hour or so before the event.
This baby shower gift is a perfect example. I actually did momentarily pause in the gift wrapping aisle on my way to the register. But I told myself that I did not need to spend more money on its dressing than the gift, and besides, I had the perfect bag in which to place the gift at home. I don’t know what possessed me to think this. My only daughter is nine. Since I never buy bags, and it’s been nearly a decade since I’ve received any baby gifts, why would I have a BABY SHOWER bag in my closet?
After hesitating over using a quite salacious Abercrombie and Fitch bag instead, I settled on wrapping paper. Amazingly, there was a roll of appropriately patterned paper in the closet. And, there was just enough left on the roll to wrap the gift.
Or so I thought.
The other dumb thing I tend to do when buying gifts is purchase irregularly shaped gifts. Which is not a major problem when using a gift bag, but completely overwhelms me when I am wrapping. Completely.
And the pressure was worse because I knew I only had one shot. If I messed this up, the only thing left was the A&F bag. I briefly considered covering the A&F bag with duct tape. But that stuff is expensive. MacGyver may have an unlimited budget, but I live on a teacher’s salary.
I am hopeless at this. The only thing I’m worse at is cooking and, oh joy, I am supposed to bake a dessert to bring tomorrow, as well. Do these people not know me, by now? Do they just hope, as time goes by, that I’m going to improve in these areas? Or do they just revel in watching me squirm over things I find impossible? Probably that.
I think that they are jealous of my Award Shelf, and feel like I must be put in my place on a regular basis to keep me humble.
Well, that’s not gonna work.