Snow White Drank Grumpy’s Diet Coke

Giving up Diet Coke has not been fun.

In all fairness, I should tell you that I haven’t given it up completely, yet.  Since we still had some in the house, and I am the only one who drinks it, I figured I would finish up our current stock.  So, I’ve been slowly weaning myself off of it instead of going cold turkey.

I finished up the caffeinated Diet Coke on Thursday.  I had reduced it to one a day (from about 4 a day).

Friday was not a pretty day.  Headaches, unsympathetic first graders, That Time of the Month, and a cold front did not improve my mood.  I know.  T.M.I.  You don’t care about a cold front.

Saturday was not much better.  Despite the fact that there were no first graders (sympathetic or unsympathetic) or headaches, the other factors remained.

I was cranky and depressed.  I’ve had to give up salad because it attacks my stomach, and now Diet Coke.

And I know people suffer far worse problems and I am being narcissistic. Which makes me even more depressed.

And I hate drinking water.

We went to my favorite pizza place on Friday and I had to watch Dimples and the Cap’n eat salad while I drank a glass of wine instead.  It was small consolation.  Two glasses of wine might have changed my outlook on things, but I was driving.

Dimples did ask me if it was okay if they ate the salad.  Of course I said that it wouldn’t bother me.  Because I never say whatimeant2say.

And I would really like to talk to the people who did the study that concluded that diet drinks were making people gain weight because I’ve gained three pounds since I started reducing them.  And no, Smarty Pants, I haven’t replaced every single soda with a glass of wine.  The wine replaces the salads, not the sodas.

So, basically, I am not seeing the value in this little experiment.  Other than showing my daughter how important it is to me to try to be as healthy as I can for her sake.

But, really, how big is the impact of this lesson going to be on her?  Aren’t I really just teaching her that trying to be healthy makes people grumpy?

I think the underlying cause of all of this depression is that I am not walking down a red carpet in a Vera Wang dress at the Academy Awards tonight.

No, actually, it is that, if I were invited to the Academy Awards I would probably pop the zipper on my Vera Wang dress right when I was exiting the limo and I would be on the cover of STAR magazine tomorrow with the headline, “Mrs. Cap’n Firepants Needs a Bigger Size!”

Wow.  Even more depressing than the mental image of me embarrassing myself in front of millions of people is the lame headline I just concocted.

I’m turning into “Fun Bobby”, Monica’s boyfriend on Friends, who gave up alcohol and became a complete dud.

On the up side, I heard a story on NPR today in which the speaker stated that clinically depressed people actually see life in a more realistic way than other people.

Yep.  That’s my silver lining, right there.

The Physical Changes of Diet Coke Withdrawal Have Been the Worse

photo credit: .m for matthijs via photopin cc

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Posted on February 26, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Depression, Dimples, Family, Humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 47 Comments.

  1. You are so NOT a dud! Fellow blogger working on giving up Cokes right here! Totally understand how you feel. You have my sympathy in a big way. It is NOT easy!

  2. When the poison leaves your system for good, you’ll have a better outlook. Every time I give something up, I hate the world for a couple of weeks.

  3. Perhaps the zipper-dress-disaster might be softened. What if you strategically lost your shoe in the process, perhaps you could reenact the Maryl Streep moment from the BAFTAS a few weeks ago, and everyone would be so distracted by Colin Firth slipping your shoe back on in a Prince Charming-esque gesture of English chivalry that they’d never notice your unceremoniously open zipper?

    That’d be my silver lining, that would.

  4. You are so not becoming dull Fun Bobby.
    Good luck with the Diet Coke thing. I made my boyfriend do that about 2 years ago but he did it cold turkey.

  5. wait. so, wine replaces SALAD? wow. i LIKE it. i don’t much care for salad and i like wine okay, so i think i’ll give that a try. ;o) good luck. i only could give up coffee for an hour, so i am not speaking with authority. but i have reduced my intake from about 40 cups a day to one cup a day. stay strong!

  6. As a Diet Coke fanatic, I sympathize wit you. I couldn’t do it myself. Although I should at least cut back to 2 liters a day. 🙂

  7. Geez, you crazy lady. You may be a little down, but you are definitely still your awesome self. 🙂 I feel for you- I have gained three pounds in the last couple of weeks as well. 😉

  8. I’ve found crystal light to be a suitable substitute for Diet Coke.
    Good luck, keep at it, and we look forward to better headlines in the future.

  9. The person who did that NPR story must have been clinically depressed.

  10. Hang in there! Caffeine is a powerful appetite suppressant. Maybe you’ve been munching more to counter that. Or maybe it’s just the cold front…err..time of the month. LOL. Don’t get between me and food during that time. Everyone is allowed grumpy days. I hope you feel better soon.

  11. You are right not to quit cold turkey. I did this in college because I went to a school in the middle of nowhere and didn’t have time to get more. Yes, I was lazy.

    I was sleeping better, but I started passing out and throwing up and got very sick and had to go to the hospital (bless my roomie for forcing me).
    So now I don’t drink soda. I treat myself once a month. I did gain weight at the time, maybe like 10 lbs, but was able to lose it quickly. Then again…this was college.

  12. The withdrawls should be over in about a week or so – you will be amazed at how you will sleep.

    That last sentence was sort of depressing – I read it as “News report states that depressed people are right on target”. You gotta wonder about the editorial meetings 🙂

  13. That sounds terrible. I hope it gets easier and/or you start to se some benefits from this no-diet-Coke lifestyle soon.

  14. Diet Snapple. Lacks the fizz, but also lacks the calories!

  15. I feel for you. Three days is the longest I’ve ever managed to deprive myself of any food I truly desired. After that, I go right back to eating it with a vengeance.

    If it makes you feel any better, your self-control is already far superior to mine. 🙂

  16. I know I am probably supposed to be nice and say that everything is going to be okay, but today I am an over-analyzing realist. Giving up something sucks. Mt. Dew is my drug of choice. A few years ago I gave up all drinks other than water, and I am debating whether or not to do it again.

    I haven’t had any other drinks (I did have a flavored water), but there is one more Mountain Dew just taunting me in the fridge…it keeps saying “Ha, ha, you can’t get me now” and sticking it’s tongue out. It mooned me the other day. I will try not to drink it for as long as you decide not to drink Diet Coke. If you give up and drink it, let me know and I will give up and drink mine too. That way we can both feel bad either way. Deal?

  17. “… I’m walking, and I’m walking, and I’m walking… But there are no hardware stores open in The Village after midnight…”
    “Goodbye, ridiculously dull Bobby.”

    Sorry the withdrawls are hitting so hard. I didn’t know you had to give up salad too. Makes for an uber-poopy day…

  18. I hate to drink water, too. I do like Propell, though…

  19. You can do this. Former soda drinker myself and all I drink now is water mostly. Can you have tea? Sorry. It stinks but you’ll feel better soon.

  20. You are doing great! Hang in there it gets easier! 🙂 Love the picture at the end.. I feel like that most of the time! LOL

    Keep up the wonderful posts!

    Your Friends Who Are Cheering You On!

    The Collies and Chuck 🙂

  21. I’m way behind on my reading but I feel your pain.

    Ain’t no way I’m giving up the Diet Dr. Pecker. hahaha…

    But you should drink from 2-liters so then you could say you didn’t even finish “one” instead of polishing off four. hahaha…

    Good luck Grumpy.

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