Snow White Drank Grumpy’s Diet Coke

Giving up Diet Coke has not been fun.

In all fairness, I should tell you that I haven’t given it up completely, yet.  Since we still had some in the house, and I am the only one who drinks it, I figured I would finish up our current stock.  So, I’ve been slowly weaning myself off of it instead of going cold turkey.

I finished up the caffeinated Diet Coke on Thursday.  I had reduced it to one a day (from about 4 a day).

Friday was not a pretty day.  Headaches, unsympathetic first graders, That Time of the Month, and a cold front did not improve my mood.  I know.  T.M.I.  You don’t care about a cold front.

Saturday was not much better.  Despite the fact that there were no first graders (sympathetic or unsympathetic) or headaches, the other factors remained.

I was cranky and depressed.  I’ve had to give up salad because it attacks my stomach, and now Diet Coke.

And I know people suffer far worse problems and I am being narcissistic. Which makes me even more depressed.

And I hate drinking water.

We went to my favorite pizza place on Friday and I had to watch Dimples and the Cap’n eat salad while I drank a glass of wine instead.  It was small consolation.  Two glasses of wine might have changed my outlook on things, but I was driving.

Dimples did ask me if it was okay if they ate the salad.  Of course I said that it wouldn’t bother me.  Because I never say whatimeant2say.

And I would really like to talk to the people who did the study that concluded that diet drinks were making people gain weight because I’ve gained three pounds since I started reducing them.  And no, Smarty Pants, I haven’t replaced every single soda with a glass of wine.  The wine replaces the salads, not the sodas.

So, basically, I am not seeing the value in this little experiment.  Other than showing my daughter how important it is to me to try to be as healthy as I can for her sake.

But, really, how big is the impact of this lesson going to be on her?  Aren’t I really just teaching her that trying to be healthy makes people grumpy?

I think the underlying cause of all of this depression is that I am not walking down a red carpet in a Vera Wang dress at the Academy Awards tonight.

No, actually, it is that, if I were invited to the Academy Awards I would probably pop the zipper on my Vera Wang dress right when I was exiting the limo and I would be on the cover of STAR magazine tomorrow with the headline, “Mrs. Cap’n Firepants Needs a Bigger Size!”

Wow.  Even more depressing than the mental image of me embarrassing myself in front of millions of people is the lame headline I just concocted.

I’m turning into “Fun Bobby”, Monica’s boyfriend on Friends, who gave up alcohol and became a complete dud.

On the up side, I heard a story on NPR today in which the speaker stated that clinically depressed people actually see life in a more realistic way than other people.

Yep.  That’s my silver lining, right there.

The Physical Changes of Diet Coke Withdrawal Have Been the Worse

photo credit: .m for matthijs via photopin cc