Attention, All Personnel

I apologize to anyone who has not seen the great television series, “MASH”.  You have been deeply deprived.

Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I’m thinking?

Radar: One of us has to.

In yesterday’s cliffhanger, I mentioned that I am switching doctors.  One of the reasons for this change is that Doctor Francesca Burns (pseudonym, of course) was never available when I needed to make an appointment.  I didn’t actually meet her until the day of my colonoscopy because every time I called, they said there were no appointments available with her so I would have to see the nurse practitioner.

So, I decided to switch to Dr. Hawkeye Pierce with the hopes that he would be a little more accommodating.

Once I got the medical records transferred, I called the new office to make my appointment.

“Well, he can see you tomorrow, if that works,” said Hot Lips Houlihan.

“Oh, gosh, it doesn’t,” I said.  “You see, there’s a funeral, and I’m a teacher, and something about a fire drill, and, well, there’s a lot of stuff going on.”

“O.K.  How about Thursday morning at 9?”

“Well, that doesn’t really work either.  The whole teacher thing, you see.”

Suddenly, I found myself in the position of being the one who was being difficult to pin down.  I decided to take the initiative.

“How about next Tuesday at 4?” I asked.

“We have that open,” said Hot Lips.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  “But I can’t book you.”

“Umm. And, why is that again?”

“Well, we don’t have our morning booked yet.  And I have to fill that up first.  If that doesn’t fill up, I have to cancel the afternoon appointments.”

I began to get a tiny bit worried.  What doctor do you know that isn’t booked out the wazoo?  What does this mean that he has too much free time?  And, what kind of business operation is this, where, if there isn’t enough to do in the morning, they just cancel the afternoon, too?

“We can fit you in on Monday at 4.  Usually he doesn’t work on Mondays because that’s his surgery day.  But he doesn’t have any surgeries booked this Monday.”

My mind was reeling.  Is this good or is it bad that he doesn’t have any surgeries?  Should I take the risk of trying Monday and a.) getting a call that my appointment is canceled because the doctor decided to play golf that afternoon or 2.) being told that I need surgery the following Monday so he can meet his quota?


If Hawkeye Pierce morphs into Charles Winchester, I’m going to have to have a talk with Radar.  If anyone knows what’s going on in this mad world, he does.

courtesy of

Posted on February 29, 2012, in Annoyances, Doctors, Humor and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. May I recommend my witch doctor? He’s fabulous.

  2. I am laughing out loud literally!

  3. Wow…no wonder you’re confused. So Monday at 4 right? Good luck…sounds like you might need it.

  4. Did you ask what the heck his problem was that he wasn’t booked tight for a solid week?

  5. That ain’t good…

  6. He’ll be find as long as there’s not a still in his office.

  7. whoops! from the frying pan into the fire!

    Do all doctors work like that

  8. Ok, that is bizarre – the whole not afternoons until morning is filled. Hmmm…you’ll have to keep us informed!!

  9. Whoa, that is really weird. Comedian Brian Regan said that you know a really good doctor by how long it takes for you to get in to see them. So it must be true that if you can get an appointment with your doctor they must not be a good one.
    Doctors are just confusing, so I never go to see one unless absolutely necessary, like if I’m dying or something.

  10. Oh my gosh, I love all of the MASH references – made my day!!

    “If we don’t go crazy once in a while, we’ll all go crazy.”

    Here’s hoping that your new doc ends up being Hawkeye!

  11. Groucho said he wouldn’t want to join a club that would have him for a member, and I won’t go to a doctor unless he is too busy to see me.

  12. Careful. Every time I’ve seen Radar interviewed, he’s been stroking his cat. With an evil expression..

  13. Great post!!!! 🙂
    WE laughed and it is exactly how we are with doctors.. um… not next tuesday.. how about the 30th tuesday this year? LOL

    Your friends,
    The Collies and Chuck 🙂

  14. I think we should all set our alarms to remind ourselves to be praying for you Monday at 4:00. Good luck!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: