The voice inside my head is a redneck.
Actually, I think it’s Jeff Foxworthy, who may not really be a redneck even though he likes to define them.
But, let’s get back to that voice.
I know that you are reading this and thinking, “Thank God. There’s someone else out there who hears a voice.”
Yes, I do. But I am not hearing the voice you’re hearing – the one that gets you sent to the mental hospital. It’s that Jiminy Cricket, conscience voice. Not some kind of God-is-ordering-me-to-blow-something-up voice. Just a plain old inner voice trying to guide me in my daily life.
Only it’s never had such a distinct accent. In fact, it’s always kind of sounded just like me. Just more judgmental.
But, a couple of days ago, I noticed a change.
I was contemplating complaining about something out loud when the voice said, “Well you might just want to think about fixin’ it yerself.”
And, I swear, it was Jeff Foxworthy.
Coincidentally, I was downloading free Easter fonts the other day (bear with me – this is relevant), opened my browser, and suddenly was reading everything in “Bunnyhop”.
It’s hard to take CNN seriously in a Bunnyhop font.
I deleted the font, and everything was back to normal.
So, I’m wondering, did I somehow accidentally download Jeff Foxworthy’s voice into my conscience?
I don’t even watch or listen to Jeff Foxworthy.
How did this happen?
I’m pretty sure it has something to do with giving up Diet Coke.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points. ~Jeff Foxworthy
Posted on March 21, 2012, in Annoyances, Humor and tagged beef jerky, conscience, humor, Jeff Foxworthy, jiminy cricket, redneck. Bookmark the permalink. 29 Comments.
I’m not sure what my inner voice sounds like…maybe a really proper grammar teacher…anyway, Foxworthy might be fun to have in your head.
As far as the diet coke goes, I only had that one drink I told you about, but other than that, it’s been water, so are we still “tortured together” pals? Also, when does this thing end…that Mountain Dew still laughs at me from the fridge every day.
I think you have enough things to torture you, so yes we are still tortured together pals. I think you should drink the Mountain Dew. I’ll probably be able to hold out until something really dire happens.
Um, what other things are you referring to? I’m going to hold out on the Mountain Dew…it doesn’t think I can.
well, if it has to be a redneck, at least it’s a well spoken, non-cursing redneck…
Could be worse. Could be Larry the Cable Guy.
Thanks. Now I have two redneck voices in my head.
I have decided to send you a box of diet coke!
Maybe I should adjust my vow to not include freely offered Diet Coke.
Great point El Guapo – it could be so much worse 🙂
Don’t encourage him!
You only have one inner voice?
Not anymore – thanks to Guap.
I have no idea what Jeff Foxworthy’s voice sounds like and I suppose I will never know now that he has been made into beef jerky 😦
I am sure you would find him quite tasty, Bassa!
Now I can’t help but wonder what voice Wonderbutt has in his head. I’m afraid…
That is an interesting thought. Who is a lovable, stubborn, vengeful person who could be egging my do on?
Can you imagine if the voice in your head was Gilbert Gottfried?
Great. Guap gave me an extra voice already, and now they are both yelling at me.
We can hear Jeff Foxworthy speaking. Maybe it is contagious?
Are you sure it’s not coming from the television set?
It went away after 24 hours. Maybe it was the TV?
Was the T.V. on? Or plugged in?
Plugged in. Hmmmm?
Oh, and it doesn’t count if the T.V. is plugged in but you chewed through the cord.
My inner voice sounds like a lot of different people depending on my mood. No, I’m not crazy!
Wow. And you’re young. Usually voices don’t split into different personalities until you’re over 40. At least that’s what Jeff Foxworthy tells me.
TOTALLY laughed outloud several times! I love that inner voice. Usually. Though mine sounds more like Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales, I’m afraid…
Larry would be a welcome respite from Jeff.
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