Your Search is Over the Top

Photo Credit: Fabio Has

This is one of those obligatory posts about searches that lead to my blog.  I have been gratified in the last couple of weeks to see that several people – or the same person several times – have reached my blog by Googling “sexiest woman.”

Although I found this flattering, I could not leave well enough alone.  In order to try to get into the mind of the person or persons who have followed this unusual path to my portal, I tried Googling that term myself.

I had to go through 8 pages of results before I finally found one that linked to my blog.  That was a couple of days ago.  Today I tried it, so I could add a picture of the search results to this post, and I gave up after looking through ten pages.  Which really makes me wonder what exactly these searchers are seeking.

Are they skipping all of the nude images and videos and articles about Jennifer Aniston, and actually determining that Please Send Congratulations in the Form of Donations to the Wonderbutt Disaster Relief Fund is the answer to their sexy woman prayers?  Or, are they clicking on every link, page by page, hour by hour, day by day – reading my blog dutifully – and then starting the whole process again?

This is what I spend my days pondering – the psyche of my readers, both accidental and purposeful, who are my invisible audience.

Conversely, the top searched term leading to my blog of all time is “porta potty.”  Considering that my post on this topic was about an obituary of a woman who held “a great appreciation for porta-potties”, and my great desire to never be known for this particular attribute, I find it to be the ultimate irony that this is how most people chance upon my blog.  And now, of course, I’ve made this even more likely by mentioning it in yet another post.

If I thought it would be productive, I would seed this post with a plethora of more productive search terms, like “Hunger Games” or “porn.”  But I don’t need a bunch of hate comments from disappointed internet surfers who tried to catch the wrong wave.  And I don’t think people doing those types of searches are apt to offer me a publishing contract, much less a movie contract.  (At least not for the type of movies in which I feel comfortable appearing.)

My next stat investigation will involve trying to figure out why I suddenly have so many readers in Malawi (shout out Malawi!!!!!) – second only to my U.S. followers.    Maybe you Malawians have been the sexiest woman seekers stumbling upon my blog.  If so, I hope you haven’t been too disappointed to find out that the Wonderbutt featured so prominently in my blog is a fat, toxic gas emitting bulldog, and not an actual female body part.

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Posted on March 24, 2012, in Blogging, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. The search terms leading to my blog lead me to believe I have only very nice regular followers reading and very disturbed people. I try not to read that column on my stats page anymore. You never know, maybe Wonderbutt has a fan base of cute, confused poodles.

  2. laurengraceevans

    “Sexiest woman” is a pretty cool search term to lead to yourself!
    I share your pain in strange search terms. My most common search terms are; “armpits”, “women’s wet look armpits”, and “girl armpit stubble”, all because I wrote one bullet point about how armpits are weird!
    Maybe more productive search terms are the way to go.

  3. Haha, I get a lot of searches for “drunk housewife”. There are some disturbed people out there.

  4. You always make me guffaw!

  5. You deserve the sexiest woman title if, for nothing else, being so hillarious. I think that when you really boil all the drama down, a good sense of humor really is the sexiest.

  6. Yeah, I don;t really look at my search terms anymore.Because I get very concerned when I ain’t the weirdest guy in the room.

  7. I empathize. I did a post about sunbathing chickens and now I get views from people searching for ‘nude sunbathing blog’ 🙂 The top two searches on my blog are ‘santa and reindeer’ (someone uses this search every single day) and ‘caucasian shepherd teeth’ (also used daily). Strangely, ‘bassas blog’ only ranks eighth in the all time list of search terms 🙂

  8. That’s a pretty cool search term! I always get really weird ones, like “magic swirl ice cream legoland”. I don’t remember getting any magic swirl ice cream when I went to legoland last summer… And “can I live on larabars”. I could, but who else is searching that?

  9. I am happy when I see searches for notquiteold, but my next frequent search is “Pantyhose and Sandals” – not quite the image I was hoping for.
    I was confused too, about my sudden popularity in Malawi – until it dawned on me that that’s where all my spam is coming from!

  10. Malawi officially the Republic of Malawi, is a landlocked country in southeast Africa that was formerly known as Nyasaland.
    Yes, I got that from Wikipedia.

  11. LOL….. what can one add to that? You make us howl with laughter…
    your friends,
    the laughing collies and chuck 🙂

  12. You crack me up. I love those bizarre search terms…and the spam comments, too, “Love your information, friend” is a recent one I got…whatever. I am so not that person’s friend. 🙂

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