Back to the Drawing Board – Before it Gets Eaten

I mentioned a few posts ago that we had been furniture shopping.  Our bulldog, affectionately nicknamed Wonderbutt, has thoroughly annihilated our sofas in his never-ending quest to make our home inhospitable to guests.  We felt like we needed a new plan, and Step 1 was to order new couches that will a.) deflect dog hair, 2.) have no removable cushions, and III.) not smell like Wonderbutt.

The danger of this plan, of course, is that Wonderbutt will find new ways to sabotage our attempts at interior decorating.  Crating Wonderbutt has been recommended by many fans.  But I must tell you that, with Wonderbutt, crating was a disaster.  He does not like being treated like a dog.  His vengefulness is tenfold when he is crated – resulting in daily crate cleaning and sterilization, belligerent bulldog baths, and house defumigation.  Even when his crate was cleverly positioned so that he could go in and outside whenever he wished, he continued to soil his crate in defiance of his semi-imprisonment.

Our new plan is to restrict him to the kitchen while we are gone, using the baby gates that keep him from entering the Forbidden Section of the house.  This plan has many potential perils, I must admit.  There are table and chair legs aplenty for him to chew on.  In addition, there are numerous cabinets to explore and windowsills on which he can gnaw.  But we have decided the kitchen can be our sacrificial lamb as we haven’t really invested anything in renovating it – yet.

In order to make his kitchen stays more pleasant, we have decided that, upon the arrival of the new furniture, the old sofa cushions will be retained.  I plan to toss one into his area every day before we leave, and admonish him not to destroy it.  As soon as we exit the house, I expect, he will begin to decimate said cushion – hopefully concentrating so well on that project that he will live the rest of the kitchen alone.

We have also ordered a clever little dog bed cover to give him an alternative to sleeping on the couch.  We can stuff it with the old cushions or pillows – or even with Dimples’ old crib mattress.  The cover was fairly inexpensive, so I won’t feel devasted if he manages to pierce it with his sharp little teeth.  And, the bonus is that you can have it personalized.  I was very tempted to use one of the predetermined phrases – such as “Danger Toxic Gas”, but settled on a simple “Wonderbutt” logo instead.

Do I think that this carefully considered plan that we have devised will work?  Will we finally be able to invite guests to our home in larger numbers than the current one safe place to sit that we have now?

Sure – at least for a week or two.

Since I have used up all of my torn up couch pics in previous posts, I was cruisin' for a pic on the net, and found this poor woman's blog post. What struck me was how much this couch resembles ours. Maybe it's not the dogs' faults. Maybe there is a certain type of couch that just begs to be destroyed...

Posted on April 15, 2012, in Dogs, Humor, Interior Decorating, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 37 Comments.

  1. “found this poor woman’s blog post.”


  2. I think there’s a conspiracy among certain sofa manufacturers, who use only foam cushions subtly infused with bacon essence. The more frequently buyers must replace their living room furniture, the better for these shady dealers.

    I hope you have good news regarding this kitchen containment system. Wonderbutt’s reign of terror may be winding to a close…

    • Ooh, I like that phrase, “kitchen containment system”. That makes it sound quite professional and potentially successful. And I think you may be absolutely right about those shady sofa sellers!

  3. good plan.. hope it works 🙂 at least for a week or 2. maybe your expectations will be exceeded by a or two. Wouldn’t that be cool?

  4. Hmm, maybe something made of cement would be a solution?

  5. Great plan. I have to admit I laughed all the way through as you described Wonderbutt’s revenge and his activities. I laugh because I know…. sigh…. the last picture however had me on the floor laughing. My ribs hurt…. LOL… what a great pic. I think you have a great plan… however,… everyone needs to think for a fatal flaw and prepare for that too…. for he has 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to plot…. and I am here to tell you dogs can plot. Good luck and if this dont work.. turn into hippies and buy beanbags….. 🙂

    Praying for you,
    the plotting collies and chuck 🙂

  6. We hope the plan works! Wonderbutt makes us howl.
    Bella and DiDi

  7. Actually, Tilly, I have a strange feeling that none of these ideas will work because this is, after all, Wonderbutt!

  8. Sorry I just called you Tilly! Hers is another blog that makes me laugh – so sorry! One of my blog friends called me Jim the other day if it makes you feel any better. Oh dear, I hope you will forgive me.

  9. House guests are greatly over rated – DogDaz

  10. Miranda Gargasz

    Best of luck to you! I must say you really do love that dog, because I’m not sure I’d have survived all that you have!

  11. A kind of couch begging to be destroyed? Laughs! There’s just some coincidence there!

  12. psychological warfare against the bulldog… cunning plan.

  13. With yard week season upon us, maybe you can hire out Wonderbutt to clear brush.
    Should tire him out enough to give you at least a few days peace…

  14. Love the numbering system for your plan! Really hoping this strategy works for you. Sounds like a battle of wits with Wonderbutt. Let us know if he catches on?

    • Oh, he will catch on. And he will find another way to undermine my beautiful plan, I am sure. If I can get each new plan to work for a few weeks at a time, then I can convince Cap’n Firepants not to eject both us from the house, I hope!

  15. Ah, Wonderbutt sounds like my Paisley. At least she grew out of the the decimation of household furniture. Her current favorite thing to do is drag my shoes out the doggy door… luckily she no longer eats them.

    My point? I understand your pain.

  16. I hope your plan works. It sounds like it will, but you never know. Especially with Wonderbutt

  17. Admit it, your new sofa is doomed! 🙂

  18. He is only helping – poor unloved underfed puppy 🙂

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