Orange You Glad There are Crashes in the World?

My sister, Crash, texted me yesterday that she had some great material for my blog.  Apparently, my niece had requested a trip to a tanning salon – which my sister refers to as “the toaster”.  Being a good mom who does not want to subject her daughter to harmful death rays, my sister suggested instead that she use the “lotion they used in Baywatch”.  I am not sure if it is the actual lotion, or has just been sitting in her closet since the 1990’s.  My sensible niece replied, “Great.  That stuff’s thirty years old.”

So, my sister decided to test it on her own hands before her daughter slathered it all over her skin.  And it turned her hands orange.

This was all texted to me with the suggestion that it would make a good post.

“Where’s the pic?” I texted back, all business.

She sent me the pic.  And her hands did not look orange.  Maybe a little.  But not the pumpkin orange that I was hoping for.

Crash's Baywatched hand

She offered to doctor it up for me.  She then sent me a picture where her face was completely red.  Photoshopped.

“I can’t do that,” I texted back.  My readers rely on me to be genuine.  I don’t want to be the next James Frey.  Although a scandal could be good advertising…

She sent me two more hopeful pics of her hand at various stages of close-uppedness.  I still didn’t see the orange.

In the meantime, she sent me a few pics of my niece, who absolutely abhors having her picture taken.  Even though she isn’t the slightest bit orange.

I sometimes question how Crash and I can be related.  She has absolutely no problem making fun of herself and is not even an ounce self-conscious.

My niece, my daughter, and I, (on the other hand that is also not orange), cringe at the thought of anyone analyzing us too closely.  The only reason I submit to photographs now is because I don’t want my daughter to develop an aversion to having her picture taken.

That truth is I’m not orange either; I’m green.  With envy.  I wish I could be more like Crash.  But that would ruin the mystique of Mrs. Cap’n Firepants, mother of Dimples, Wonderbutt, and Mrs. P.I.B. Right?

Crash - making another bid to get her pic on my blog.

Posted on April 16, 2012, in Blogging, Children, Family, Humor, Relationships, Sisters and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. I, too am more like your niece, your daughter and you. I have sister like Crash, tho’.

    Orange is my favourite colour. Truly. Perhaps not Baywatch Orange, tho’. The Hoff’ is about to appear on Celebrity Apprentice here in Australia. Clearly, we are desperate. 🙂

  2. Hmm. I can see the resemblance- kinda. Yeah, the hand wasn’t orange but it had the makings for a great blog.

  3. There comes a point when you no longer care about people analyzing you. It’s called death.

  4. LOL!
    Great post! This is a classic. 🙂 Love the pic. I haven’t laughed like this since your last post. 🙂
    Keep up the great work!

    Your friends,
    the laughing collies and the chuckling chuck 🙂

  5. Hahahahaha! I think I would be a Crash. But truth be told, sometimes I wish I were a little LESS crazy. 🙂 I love your blog already, HILarious!

  6. Crash sounds like such a character – not as much as you of course!
    Have you forgiven me for calling you by the wrong name yesterday?

  7. love it!!! Funny!!

  8. We need more photos of her! Give her a guest post 🙂

  9. Hahahaha! I was expecting to see Halloween orange! 🙂

  10. Everybody wants to be in the spotlight. So did they use the fake tan? Looks like they could have gotten away with it. I don’t see any orange either. And I’d love to see the Photoshopped images. Too funny.

  11. I can see the orange 🙂 Looks like she slapped Bob Barker.

  12. Your sister can run a simple test… it the Crash Test:
    Apply the lotion to her hands then spend the next 10 minutes eating Cheetos. Any contrast indicates expired lotion.

  13. I can barely see the orange. They could always just go out in the sun. That’s how I tan and I never tan intentionally.

    • You need to keep your beautiful skin unwrinkly! No more talk of tanning! Come down to Texas and take a look at the 40 year olds that look like they are 80 because they bathed in the sun as teens. Yuck!

      • I hate tanning. I tan naturally cause i’m half mexican, but I’ve spent many summers avoiding the sun so I don’t tan cause it bothers me.

  14. Solution: Crisco + Sun + a generous amount of time.

  15. Your sister sounds pretty awesome! Glad there are people like her in the world to balance out for us easily-embarrassed ones. 🙂

  16. LOL – my mom keeps giving me ideas to blog about (thought I’ve never been short on my own) and my dad is like, “Hush, dear…” Family. gotta love them.

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