Not Charging

Now I know how my iPad feels when I use the wrong charging cord.

I have been very drowsy lately.  At first, I thought this was just another symptom brought on my Diet Coke withdrawal.  But then I realized that it’s been about 2 months since I gave it up.  I don’t even think drug addicts take two months to withdraw.  Then, because I am a licensed hypochondriac, I immediately attributed this to the as-yet-unidentified disease that is eating away my insides.

I informed my husband that a doctor’s visit might be in order.

“Maybe you should first try to get more than 5 hours of sleep a night,” my husband dryly recommended.

“I get more than -” I started to argue.

But then I decided to count.  O.K.  I get 5 1/2.  That’s almost 8.  I mean, if you count by 2’s and round up, you’re nearly there when you get to 6.

I am 43 years old.  I am apparently in that odd window of decades when 5 1/2 hours of sleep is not enough.  It worked fine during my twenties.  And it will apparently be plenty when I am in my 80’s.  But at 43, in arguably the most active decade of my life, I am supposed to slow down more.

At 11:30 at night, I am not ready for bed.  I am busy playing Sudoku on my iPad and laughing with my friends on Friends.  I have to make myself turn off the lights and set the alarm.  It takes a half hour to shut my brain down and fall asleep.

At 5:30 in the morning, I am not ready to get up.  I have to make myself turn off the alarm and turn on the lights.  I am not laughing.  And if there were any Friends around at that time of day, they would be so horrified at my monstrous morning personality that they would run screaming off the set of my life.

Except Dimples, who I overheard the other morning grumpily informing her father that she is “not a morning person”.

She gets it.  We compete with each other every morning to see who can sustain the longest glare.

I stupidly chose a profession, teaching, which requires me to be on the spot and cheerful at 7:30 in the morning.  If I could go back to talk to my 20 year old self, I would walk in during one of her particularly vicious hangovers and make her repeat the directions for a complex task – such as writing your name at the top of your paper – 20 times, interrupting her to ask if I can go to the bathroom or did she know that it’s my cousin’s aunt’s boyfriends’  birthday next Friday, and then tell my stupid self that this is how it feels to be a teacher when you are not a morning person.

She will ignore me.  Stupid I-can-change-the-world-on-6-hours-of-sleep -even-4-if-I-have-to 20 year old Idiot.

See how irritable I am?  I really think it’s the disease talking.

Posted on April 18, 2012, in Doctors, Family, Humor, Work and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.

  1. Go take a nap! They help. And they’re fun

  2. You might really have something…it is worth the Dr. appointment just to get the day off. 😉

  3. I hear you on the five hours of sleep business. I would love to find a district where school runs from 10 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. Even if I try to go to bed early, I can’t fall asleep until close to midnight anyway.

    Those “morning people” are a bunch of sickos, or perhaps an alien race that does not require REM sleep cycles.

  4. I am the same as you – go to bed late, hate getting up in morning etc. But to slow down and get more sleep when you are merely in your 40s? No way – keep on being the way you are – you probably have a tummy bug – see the dr. Your irritable posts are as funny as your not-irritable posts -hehe!

  5. Yeah, I have to take naps because I unfortunately will try to function on little sleep. And now, I really start to worry because I think, oh my gosh, I should be going to be on time so I can relish in getting an easy 8 hours before the baby comes… but I haven’t actually started doing that yet. I would rather be lethargic in the middle of the day and moody/grumpy in the morning. 🙂

  6. ha! i’ve never been a night owl. i’ve always been a “morning person” (although, not QUITE a cheerful one). except for now. i am not a night owl nor am i a morning person. so, exactly where does that leave me? hmm. in my 40’s i suspect.

  7. It only gets worse. I used to be able to stay up till one and get up for work at 6. Now I must be in bed at 10. Which it almost is – and I’m looking forward to it! (that’s the biggest change… when you start thinking longingly of your bed by eight-thirty,

    • I start thinking longingly of my bed pretty much as soon as I get up. And throughout the day. It’s not until I am the last one awake at night that I want to stay up so I can enjoy the freedom of finally being alone!

  8. 🙂 I really don’t know what the tall person would be like in the mornings without several cups of strong coffee – and I don’t want to find out! 🙂 Please look after yourself and get some extra sleep x

  9. Sleep is overrated. Except, you know, when you’re sleeping.

  10. Man, I love sleep. But I am starting to fall asleep on the couch at night. With mouth open. Before 10. And waking by 6. This is a schedule I do not like.

  11. I have yet to successfully get in the habit of waking up early. It SUCKS. i want to be a morning person. it would be so handy, what with the necessity of walking the dog before work, and all… b ut no matter what time I go to bed, I wake up tired if it’s too early 😦
    I feel your pain, though at least I don’t have to be sociable when I get in to the office 🙂

  12. Yeah, me too. Not a morning person and I can’t do it on five hours of sleep anymore. I got in to theater in part because it’s a night time job. Except when you’re loading in, and then it’s a night AND day job. Also I didn’t factor in kids, because kids are always a day job, no matter what your hours are. Bah!

  13. I feel your pain! Teaching is almost like being on stage ALL DAY LONG! By the time I get home, I need a nap, but family life takes over. How many days until summer vacation? 😉

  14. Get some rest, Lady!! I’m not a morning person either. They need to have a whole new definition for morning sickness, methinks… We’re just sick of mornings!

  15. LOL… sleep? Sleep? what is that? LOL.. know how you feel…. zzzzzzzzzz….. um… er.. zzzzzzzzzzzz……..

    Your tired friends,
    the collies and chuck 🙂

  16. I am 42 and I totally need 8…though, really, I always have. Nowadays I need a Sudafed each night to achieve that, though…

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