Pole Envy

As soon as I saw the man walk into the cafeteria at our daughter’s elementary school, I knew there would be trouble.  I silently prayed that my husband wouldn’t see him.  Of course, the man headed straight for the row in which we were uncomfortably seated in hard plastic chairs awaiting the beginning of Dimple’s choir program.  He plopped down to the right of my mother-in-law, two seats down from my husband, the Honorable Cap’n Firepants.  I lowered my head in defeat as Cap’n Firepants sat slightly straighter in his chair upon noticing the man.  Cap’n Firepants swiveled his head to look at me.

“I know,” I furiously whispered.  “He has a long pole.”

This was not meant to be a double entendre – at first.  I was merely acknowledging the fact that the stranger had a pole on which to affix his video camera.  Not a tripod, which wouldn’t fit in the ridiculously narrow aisles between chair rows anyway. A long, straight pole.

The Cap’n and I always have the same “discussion” at every camera-worthy event.  Who will videotape, and who will take still pics?  He does not like to videotape.  Mostly because his arm falls asleep trying to hold the camera still.  I do not like to videotape.  Mostly because The One Who is Not Videotaping forgets to take pictures at key moments – inevitably the rare ones when Dimples chooses to smile and actually appears to be enjoying the activity in which she is involved.

If he had a long pole, that would solve our problem(s).

I want to be clear here.  I was not the one coveting the long pole.  The Cap’n was.

“If you would just hold it once in awhile,” the Cap’n whispered, presumably referring to the video camera. Or, perhaps not.  “Even once a year would be nice.”  There was a slight twinkle in his eye at this suggestion, and I nearly fell out of my plastic chair into the choir teacher who was setting up her music stand to my left.

“Fine,” I whispered back.  “I’ll hold it right now.”

This is the type of banter that occurs between a husband and wife who have had very little sleep for very many days – and not for any kind of a good reason.

I looked up “the pole” when we got home from the concert.  If you click on this link, and read the name of this accessory very carefully, you will see why Cap’n Firepants might not want to act too quickly about acquiring a long pole.  It seems the other parts of “the package” might not be quite as worthy of boasting about…

Some people apparently use their long poles for nefarious activities. photo credit: dfinnecy via photo pin cc

Posted on May 1, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Family, Humor, Marriage and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. Not quite the pole I had imagined, but piqued my interest all the same (wonder what THAT says… never-mind). I reckon’ dDimples is worth the investment. Truly. 🙂

  2. I have so many photos of Son when he was little, performing in school events. In none of those photos can I see Son – he is always hidden by the others, so I have to use my imagination and memory.

  3. Lol. I hate video recording my kids stuff. It is hard to keep it still, but also you kind of miss out on the real show because you are concentrating on the video. So, I guess a pole would help with that.

    Anyway, I also wanted to ask you how you would feel about being one of the Word Porn stars on my blog. If the idea of being associated with word porn bothers you, just let me know. Thank you and I hope you handle any poles that come your way wonderfully. 😉

  4. Hmm, a long pole does not seem very hi-tech to me. Surely, suspending a video camera from a radio controlled model helicopter would do the job much better and be much more fun and diminsh everyone’s “pole envy” 🙂

  5. That started my day out Great!!! I am going to share this with some like minded friends. still LOL great writing!!!

  6. Monopods. For those who don’t like menage a pods.

  7. No, he probably wouldn’t want the pole if it has an end like that.
    But a tripod that’s flexible could be very interesting.

    • He got me a flexible tripod for Christmas. I say “me”, but I think he was the one who really wanted it. Its legs can wrap around anything. I’m just sayin’…

  8. Hahahahaha!!!

  9. Thanks for my morning guffaw! “Mini-ballhead”? That’s a rotten thing to say about a guy’s pole…

  10. I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard! This was brilliant! I thought you’d be talking May poles or some such but this was WAY better! Gees woman, at least once a year!! Thanks for the laugh, my morning so so much happier. 🙂

  11. Howl! *Rolling on the floor laughing*
    Bella and DiDi

  12. I have nothing appropriate to say, so I will just say LOL!

  13. That totally sounds like a conversation that Tammy and I would have!!
    Except Tammy wouldn’t have been nearly as nice as you were about discussing the need for a “long pole.” hahaha…

  14. You’re welcome to try out our monopod anytime. My husband takes pictures like this all the time. He calls it photography on a stick.

  15. um… er… um…… er…… seems to me my wife and I have had a similar discussion and well… er….. glad that is not on film… hehehe

    In Mirth!
    The Relieved Collies and chuck

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