The Search for a New Engine

I think my electronics have been starting to experience mid-life crises lately. It started with my printer. It is supposed to work wirelessly. Lately, however, it does this without complaint only about 1% of the time. Otherwise, it gives me the message that it is “Searching…””Searching for what?!!” I yell. “Signs of intelligent life? Well, you’re not going to find it in this house. The meaning of your existence? It has no meaning – just like mine. And, if you’re searching for the blasted wireless hub, it’s sitting right next to you on the desk – right where it was the last time you looked five minutes ago, you worthless heap of junk.”

As you can tell, I am a Tiger Mom when it comes to praising my electronics.

My phone and iPad keep “Searching” too. They are usually inspired to start their investigations right when I am in the middle of a phone call or responding to a blog post.

My flat-iron gave up the search this morning. Or maybe it found what it was looking for two days ago when it refused to warm up until I flipped its on/off switch 2 or 3 times, danced around the bathroom, and banged on the GFI buttons on the outlet.

When my car wouldn’t start in the Petsmart parking lot, I decided it was time to start developing abandonment issues. “You can’t do this to me!!!” I yelled. “Don’t leave me like this!”

“Huh?” said my daughter, sitting in the back seat.

I turned the key again, and the car started up, coaxed back into the relationship by the lowest weapon of all – guilt. I decided that, as soon as possible, I am trading that wuss in for a flashy convertible. I can’t wait to start searching.


Posted on May 4, 2012, in Annoyances, Humor and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. You are not imagining things – all your electronics are conspiring against you at the same time. I don’t know what this means, but it has happened to me on more than one occasion. Good luck!

  2. I spent 3 hours yesterday wrestling with my mother’s computer … there are no words

  3. I’m impressed you spent so much time yelling at the printer. My relationship with malfunctioning appliances is more nonverbal. (read as violent and final – I’ll either fix it or make sure it is definitively broken.)

  4. Mine have been doing the same thing…you don’t think that captcha or whatever thing is behind this right? Surely some software designed to just see if you are real wouldn’t start a mutiny right? I’m a little scared…

  5. I’m searching for a flashlight so I can search for the inventory log which is in the back of the dark closet which will tell me where to find the other thing, the thing I can’t remember what it is right now, but that I know I’ve misplaced.

  6. It’s the beginning of the end. Our machines are ignoring our instructions. According to the rules for robots invented by Isaac Asimov – Second Law: A robot must obey instructions given to it by human beings, except where doing so would violate the first law. We all know what the first law is. The end is nigh!

  7. Ahh, convertible. Sounds so much nicer than my van. Where you must beware of where you sit. And oh, no, those are actually matted raisins on the floor.

  8. Haha! We just have to be careful that all of these things aren’t getting smart and conspiring to take over the world. A car not starting is probably one of the most frustrating things ever.

    • I apparently have a bad track record with Petsmart. One time, I took a dog and a cat I had at the time to get their pics taken with Santa Claus. (Before Dimples). There was only one Petsmart in town at the time, and it was across town. When we finished getting pics, my car wouldn’t start. Did I mention the cat and dog hated each other with a passion? Not fun.

  9. Don’t let me touch your printer. Seriously. We have bought two brand new printers in the last three years and they last for three months tops. Then my mom gave us one of her older (working) ones and my brother gave us one, too. Both were dead within months. Somebody does not want us printing, scanning, and copying in our house…

  10. Great post! We feel your pain with the computer issues. Usually, we attribute the problem to our big furry paws on the keyboard. We may be wrong about that after reading this.

    Bella and DiDi

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