Everything I Know About Marriage I Learned From Two First Graders

I learn a lot from my gifted students.  For example, according to my Kindergartners, the participants on Toddlers and Tiaras are way different on stage than off.  And, according to my third graders, Ellen DeGeneres is a girl, not a boy, and her deal with J.C. Penney caused a “thing” much debated on Facebook.

It’s almost the end of the year, but it’s never too late to get educated.  So, I should not have been surprised by the edification I received from my first graders today on the topic of marriage.

As some of you know, I will be teaching Gifted and Talented students at a new school next year.  So, today, I introduced my current students to the woman who will be teaching them next year instead of me.  She is:  very nice, very pretty, one of my best friends, and just happens to be married to my current principal who, for the purpose of this blog, we shall call POTUS (Principal of The Unbelievablyawesomest School).

I took Mrs. POTUS to the classroom of three of my 1st grade students.  As soon as we opened the door, one of them shouted, “Hello, Mrs. POTUS!”

When the three came out into the hall, Mrs. POTUS, smiling, said, “How did you know that I am married to Mr. POTUS?”

And my student, obviously using the powers of deduction that he learned from me, said, “Because you kind of look like him!”

Well, this was funny to me for several reasons – the obvious one being, of course, that people look like their pets, not their spouses – but the main one being that Mrs. POTUS, other than sharing the attributes of most humans, looks absolutely nothing like Mr. POTUS.

The same student, a few minutes later (after we explained that Mr. and Mrs. POTUS were not blood relatives and that, other than in the Appalachian Mountains, married people do not necessarily resemble each other) started to ask Mrs. POTUS a question, and then immediately forgot it.

Mrs. POTUS said, “That’s okay.  If you think of it later, you can just tell Mr. POTUS, and he can tell me.”

To which another one of my logical students said, “Do you and Mr. POTUS talk sometimes?” in apparent wonderment at such a concept.  I’m not sure if this was more along the lines of the “Do you and Justin Bieber talk sometimes?” kind of astonishment, or the “Are a husband and wife allowed to talk to each other?” confusion that often happens when children watch too many episodes of Wife Swappers.

So, from these two students, I now know:  that married people should look alike (which makes me better suited to enter a union with my wrinkled bulldog than with my dear husband, Cap’n Firepants), that married people only talk on rare occasions – and that it’s good I am moving to a new school next year because I’ve certainly accomplished a heckuva lot at this one.


Posted on May 23, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Children, Family, Humor, Marriage, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.

  1. Wha??? I didn’t know this happen!? Shoot, now I don’t get to catch up on this latest development until next Thursday. That is funny though- Jason and I resemble each other more than most couples and when we used to work at HEB together- people thought we were brother and sister until they would catch us kissing in the parking lot or on break (not like making out- but a kiss on the lips). Haha- had to clear that up. 🙂

  2. this deserves to be freshly pressed. Thanks for the laughs!

  3. 1. One of the loveliest books I have ever read is Robert Fulghum’s ‘All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten’. Well worth acquiring if you haven’t yet read it. Scary true, too.
    2. Is that really you in the photo? You do kind of look like Wanderbutt, after all. Who would have thunk it?
    3. I did not know that married people were not meant to talk to each other. I shall continue to live in sin. I get better conversation that way.

  4. Having enjoyed your sense of humor on this blog for a while now, I’m not convinced you didn’t put the kids up to that. Great story!

  5. Kids are the best! Cute pic too. Is school out for you yet? Today was our last day before summer break.

  6. misswhiplash

    Oh gosh! I hope that I do not look like my husband..he has more wrinkles than WB..I am still trying to stay yound whilst he gave up years ago.
    I loved the picture of the wedding..Great that you included it in your post..I must have missed it in Hello Magazine….
    Your new school will be a doddle as well as a challenge. best of Luck xxxx

  7. The first question I was asked when my husband and I were applying for our marriage license was “Are you related?” Come to think of it, we do kind of look alike.

  8. i love this post, but i think i love the photo at the end even MORE. your kids seem to have pegged it with the marriage thing. if you live with someone long enough you do look alike, and rarely have to talk. ;o) i learned about the birth canal from my first graders during my first year of teaching. since i didn’t yet have kids of my own, it was “an education” at worst and at best excellent birth control for years.

  9. I love being educated my kids. They have the strangest, most wonderful minds! This was too funny 🙂

  10. Love the innocence. Down the hall a few grades, they’d be asking much different questions!

  11. Kids are hilarious. They have so many questions and they’re hilarious because they seriously want to know about their funny question even though to the adults it sounds strange.

  12. Miranda Gargasz

    This was great! “Too many episodes of Wife Swappers.” I almost peed my pants!

  13. Poor innocent first-graders. When they get a little older, they’ll understand that married people talk to each other just as much or more than everybody else. Listening to each other, however, is another matter…

  14. Wonder why the NC mountains got dragged into this

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