Maybe They Will Invite Me Back to do My Sarah Palin Impression
“It is hard to take responsibility for your own transitioning. What I’m trying to say is – I’m becoming a serial killer.”
~Tina Fey in “The Nerdist” podcast with Chris Hardwick
I always knew Tina and I have a lot in common. I mean, there she was, enjoying great success entertaining an audience on Saturday Night Live, and she decided to leave. Here I am, enjoying great success entertaining a class full of students, and I decide to leave. The similarities are uncanny.
And then, I hear her saying that she is going to become a serial killer – which is exactly what I’ve been contemplating! What are the odds?!!!
The sad truth is that I would be a failure at serial killing, primarily because I do not like to kill even the spiders that crawl in our house. Heck, even the snake that curled up at the bottom of the stairs in our hallway got a free pass from me.
What does appeal to me about being a serial killer at the moment is the part where you are able to become emotionally detached. As I pack up my belongings to move to a new school, I am trying hard to exclusively think of the process and not the people I am leaving. The people I’ve worked with for 13 years. The kids who I’ve known since they were in Kindergarten. Whose siblings I’ve known since they were in Kindergarten. The darn picture one of them drew of me that hangs on my wall, a picture that portrays me as unwrinkled, skinny, and frizzy-hair free. STOP THINKING ABOUT THOSE THINGS, I tell myself.
I try to think harder about the a/c that never works in my classroom, the mysterious person who, for the past three years, has weekly torn part of my bulletin board border off in the hallway, and the horrible cell phone reception that forces me to step out into the middle of the playground in order to ever make a call during my planning time.
If I were to become a serial killer, the bulletin board ripper offer would definitely be the first target. (I’m sure there is a Jack the Ripper joke in there somewhere. I’ll ask my bud, Tina, next time I talk to her…)