Is it Possible to be a Socialist Socialite?
Posted by whatimeant2say
So, I realized yesterday, a bit belatedly, that I am a Socialist. Apparently, I have been for some time, but I was of the mistaken belief that I was a Socialite. I just needed Jon Stewart to point out my error. Well, and then I needed to Google it. Because sometimes I think I know the definition of something, but then, well, I’m wrong. But sometimes, shockingly, the internet can be wrong, too. Like this time. According to this definition of Socialism, I could also be called a Fabianist – which I will completely deny. Because Fabian was way before my time. And I only like guys who pose next to living tigers. Rare, endangered ones that need large financial donations in order to save them from extinction. (The tigers, not the guys.)
Anyway, I want to thank Jon Stewart for pointing out my economic (and possibly philotherianistic) beliefs. I think he’s really the only person who understands me.
Now, I should probably clarify; Jon Stewart did not announce, “Mrs. Cap’n Firepants – you, my dear lady, are a Socialist.” That would have been totally cool, though. To have Jon Stewart talk to me directly, I mean – not the labeling part.
No, I inferred that I am a Socialist from his amusing attempt to define Socialism using the language of other people who seem to like to bandy that term about. (I’ve always wanted to use the word “bandy” but no one in my family seems to really like to bandy things because they are far too thoughtful and deliberate, so it’s never actually applied to anything in my life.) As I was laughing at how funny it is that the same people who call everyone else Socialists, by their own definition, are Socialists, I turned the spotlight on myself for a moment (because everything is about me), and realized that even though I have not once, not ever called anyone a Socialist, I am one. It was like some major epiphany right in the middle of The Daily Show. I don’t know if Jon Stewart fully realizes the power he possesses.
You see, we throw this fair at our school once a year, and the teachers are expected to work the booths. The first few years, I noticed that a couple of the grade levels not only had the cushiest jobs (like selling donated cans of soda – as opposed to sitting in the dunking booth), but they also made the most money to spend on desired curriculum materials. When I suggested rotating the jobs, no one could agree on a fair way to do this. Then I said, “Why don’t we just split the money evenly after each fair?” there was a lot of grumbling. But we did it. And it seemed to work.
Then I said, “Everyone needs to give me 5% of what you earn for coming up with this awesome idea, and I will split the rest with you evenly.”
And that didn’t work.
Anyway, my point is, I am a Socialist. Just by nature of participating in and supporting the public school system, I am a Socialist. I think.
So, I would like to thank Jon Stewart for helping me to come this realization. And I would like to apologize to everyone I have offended with my Socialistic form of bullying. I shall work on rectifying this matter as soon as I start making enough money to not care anymore.