Sign up Now for Your Trip to Nantucket!

My 365th post is just around the corner, and I am starting to analyze how much I’ve accomplished.  I don’t mind admitting that I’m a bit disappointed.  I haven’t achieved one single item on my bucket list in the last year.  I have not:

  • gotten one billion subscribers
  • gotten invited to spend a week with the writers of The Daily Show
  • gotten a million dollar advance on my book
  • lost 5 pounds

In fact, I’ve gained 10 pounds, which is somewhat distressing.

It’s not for lack of effort, I must point out.  I mean, I did a three day pledge drive – which resulted in the least number of new subscribers daily that I’ve ever received.  I mention Jon Stewart every moment I can, barely avoiding being labeled a stalker.  And I think I would have gotten the million dollar advance if The Bloggess had not beaten me to a publishing contract by a couple of years.

I can’t really explain the 10 pounds, but I’m just going to blame it on my “inefficient colon”.  Obviously, everything I eat is being immediately converted to fat instead of, uh, doing what it’s supposed to do.

Now, I always tell my students that the most important part of achieving their dreams is perseverance, so I would be a hypocrite if I gave up on everything now.  That is what normal, easily discouraged people, would do.  So, I am going to stick to my mantra, which is, “Do what you want to do or prove that it can’t be done by killing everyone in your way yourself trying to do it.”  You are welcome to borrow that quote if you like.

Plus, it’s a bucket list.  Which, I am assuming means that I have until the point that I kick the bucket to finish it up.  I have to check the official rules of bucket lists, but I think that, if you start going in the opposite direction of the items on your list, that means you hold off death a bit longer.  But, you can’t make that your goal, because then you have really changed your bucket list, and you will just speed things up.

It’s complicated.

I do feel like it is time to revise my bucket list, though, so here is the new, improved list:

  • get 2 billion subscribers who are not relatives, but could conceivably be bribed to type their email address into the little box on my right margin (oops, just realized it’s in my left margin – that explains a lot)
  • spend 2 weeks with the writers of The Daily Show.  In their writing room.  Contributing to their writing.  (I thought I should clarify this, because my last goal was a bit too vague, and could have been misconstrued.)
  • write the book for which I will get my million dollar contract
  • lose 1 pound

I know.  That last one is a bit unrealistic.  But I’m thinking of removing the inefficient colon, by force, if necessary, and surely it weighs at least a pound.

Oh, and I’m not calling it a bucket list anymore.  There is pretty much not one thing that I find motivating about buckets, much less kicking the bucket.  So, it is now my Nantucket List.  As soon as I get it all done, I will give myself a relaxing trip to Nantucket.

And, what the heck, my heart is just as big as Oprah’s, I’ll take my 2 billion subscribers with me.

(P.S.  For the BEST Bucket List EVER, click here.  (Thanks, Guapolawesomest, for this reference.  I’ll let you come to Nantucket, too.  Unless that’s where you live.  In which case, why haven’t you invited me, yet?)

A bucket from Nantucket. I kid you not.                              Photo Credit: http://www.nantucketcountryantiques.com

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Posted on June 2, 2012, in Blogging, Death, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. Guffawing again!
    Seriously, though, have you pitched this blog as a book to a publisher?

    • Thanks, but I’m not really sure what to pitch since the blog kind of runs all over the place. Plus, I heard from someone that no one’s going to buy it when I’m offering it for free anyway. Kind of like the cow and the milk saying, I guess.

  2. We believe you will succeed! 🙂 Just have fun til you do! 🙂

    Your fans and friends,
    the collies and chuck 🙂

  3. I like your logic. Works for me. AND I have never been to Nantucket. I’m not even sure where it is, but its a good word. I may borrow your quote, too. Since you have given permission and all…

  4. Ooh, I would love to go to Nantucket! Can’t wait! I love your enthusiasm, I think you are thisclose to getting contacted by the Jon Stewart writers. I can feel it.
    P.S.- I don’t see the 10 pounds at all. I think you’re making that part up.

  5. Can we come to Nantucket? We think your list is great! We hope to be on that trip very soon!

    Although losing the one pound may prove to be more difficult than you think. The vet has asked DiDi to lose one pound for a year now and she can’t do it (DiDi: I have a love affair with butter)

    Bella and DiDi

  6. Sounds very doable to me!

  7. Chancy and Mumsy

    I loved this post…gave me a good laugh early this morning. Wishing you all the best on your new list and have fun in Nantucket! hugs

  8. Whoohoo! Nantucket!

  9. My favourite poems all feature the word “Nantucket.”

    I am with you on not referring to it as a bucket list. The good news is that you are probably closer to a publishing contract than you are to kicking the bucket.

    Rhyming bucket and Australia is actually possible. When I was a kid at summer camp, the middle of the night bucket was called the “gusunda” because it goes-unda-the-bed. So, you call this your “gusunda list” because you’re going to go to the land down unda when you lose that pesky pound, etc.

    I want a photo of the kangaroos, please.

  10. I’m liking your Nantucket list! Take me with, please! 🙂

  11. Love this. And the blue bucket, too!

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