Sometimes It’s Better Not to Know
I thought it was stress-inducing when I saw the signs for Construction Zone Awareness Week a couple of months ago; it nearly did me in to be so hyper vigilant about construction zones for seven days. Thank goodness I don’t have to do that anymore, I thought, once that week was over. Now I can go back to barreling into men riding bulldozers on the side of the road whenever I want for the next 51 weeks.
But then, Mental Health Awareness Month rolled in. A WHOLE MONTH! Do these people realize how exhausting it is to be aware of your own mental health for 31 days straight? If they were going to make it an entire month couldn’t they have chosen a shorter month – like February? That’s always a low month for me anyway, what with still being cold and gloomy and the inevitable disappointments brought by both Groundhog Day and Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty much guaranteed to be questioning my mental health that whole month anyway, so I move that we change it to February.
I am thankful that June is not Mental Health Awareness Month. As a teacher, I have entirely too much time on my hands during the summer months. I would spend the entire time obsessing about the status of my psychological well-being, which would probably not be very conducive to improving my mental health, I imagine. As it is, my mental health is already poised at the top of a snow-covered precipice, prepared to plummet with the slightest nudge. I’m pretty sure preoccupation with it 24/7 would add enough weight to initiate the slide downward at which point I might just hop on, figuring that, at the very least, I could just enjoy the ride.
It suddenly occurred to me as I was typing that I have no idea what I’m supposed to be aware of this month, so I thought I better Google that – against my better judgement. Thank goodness I did, because I discovered that I have missed the first three days of Goat Trauma Awareness Month. Apparently, this is designated in order to make people more aware of trauma caused by goats – not trauma inflicted upon the goats. Which seems a bit unfair. But, having experienced a goat trauma myself when I was younger (I reached my finger in through a fence and he bit me), I fully support this interpretation of goat trauma. I almost considered buying a t-shirt.
Until I took a look at the t-shirt. That is one, scary looking piece of apparel. I’m pretty certain that I would be inflicting more trauma on the thousands of current anguished goat victims if I paraded around in that terrifying top.
However, perusing the Goat Trauma Awareness site did lead me to the realization that the one topic about which people really need to become more enlightened is their Google Searches. Because those can really inflict deep, psychological wounds if you aren’t careful. Therefore, by the power vested in me, I am hereby proclaiming July to be Google Search Trauma Awareness Month. If you have any t-shirt suggestions, please submit them in the comments below.