A Cannonball in my Living Room

Among the things that belong to my mother-in-law that will not fit in her new home is a cannonball that used to reside on the front lawn of her grandmother’s house.  No one is quite sure about its history prior to landing in the front lawn.  All my mother-in-law can say is that it had “been there since I can remember.”

Well, it isn’t there now.  It is in a storage unit nearby.  But it’s one of the many objects that does not fit into one of the neat sorting categories that we have worked out: Things to Throw Away, Things to Give to Goodwill, Things to Take to our House, Things to Give to Other Family Members.

As you can see, Things to Make our Yard Look Like A Civil War Battlefield is not one of our predetermined categories.

It’s quite obvious that it cannot be thrown away – mostly because I don’t want to be fined by the city for ruining one of their garbage trucks.  I am also pretty certain Goodwill is not going to feel the need to add a cannonball to its showroom.  Although it might make for an interesting commercial: “Come to Goodwill, where you can find anything from secondhand clothes to cannonballs of dubious origin.”

It is a historical relic that should probably be kept in the family, I suppose.  (Although this does lead one to the philosophical question, “Is it still a historical relic if you don’t know the history behind it?)  I am just trying to think of a creative way to display it.

We could set it on Wonderbutt’s bed so he can’t drag the bed all over the floor.  Or, maybe we could use it to roll in front of his dog door to keep the critters out at night.

Since it’s already somewhat orange-ish, maybe we could paint a scary face on it, call it Cannonball Lecter, and make it into a permanent jack-o-lantern on our front stoop.

Dimples suggested that her synchronized swimming team could use it to help practice doing lifts in the water.

Or, maybe we should just save the cannonball until Wonderbutt completely decimates our living room, which will most certainly happen when I go back to school at the end of the summer.  Then we can put the cannonball in the middle of the wreckage and say we got bombed.  In the literal sense.  Because people would not be quite as sympathetic about the other kind of “bombed”, I imagine.  Even though that might be more believable.

With so many possibilities, it seems to me that this would make a good contest.  If you have a creative suggestion for our cannonball, please add it to the comments.  The lucky winner will receive an “I Wonderbutt, Do You?” award icon for your blog.  If you are not a blogger, I guess you can always make it your screen saver.

Not the kind of cannonball I meant.  (Oh, and that isn’t me, by the way.)
photo credit: iambicpentameter via photo pin cc

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Posted on June 22, 2012, in Dimples, Family, Humor, Relationships, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 30 Comments.

  1. Give it to Wonderbutt for a chew toy.

  2. Goodwill does have a nice auction you could put in online on.

  3. Nice pic of you, by the way.

  4. put a birdbath on top of it or make a planter out of it 🙂 xxoo

  5. put a bird bath on top of it or make a planter out of it…lol

  6. See if chia seed will grow hair on it. It worked on a brick in 6th grade.

  7. Ohhh – I do like Katie’s idea… LM has been on the case. He suggests you string piano wire through it and hang it from the hall ceiling. If you push it, it will be like a single ball abacus.

    I think this idea could also double as a game for Wonderbutt – running the gauntlet!

  8. -Attach a chain to it. whenever you or Cap’n have to be somewhere and the other can’t make it, bring it as the old ball and chain
    -Put it in a cannon on the lawn and point it conspicuously at the annoying neighbor du jour
    -If there are any markings on it, you might be able to track down some information on it
    -Hang it in the school yard for bad-child tetherball
    -Paint it like a balloon and use it for your delightful “lead balloon” comedy/variety show

  9. You could use it as on orange bowling ball

  10. Chancy and Mumsy

    We have never had a cannon ball to find a place for so we are of no help, sorry. Hugs and nose kisses

  11. Stick in in you flower bed and pretend it is a gazing ball gone bad.

  12. Haha!! This is a great post and really comically written. I laughed out loud several times and have had to read it out to my husband because he asked what was so funny 🙂

    I can’t think of anything you could do with it just offhand, but I agree with you that it would be sad to just get rid of it after such a long time. Perhaps you could ask a local museum to assess it? Or are there any Civil War specialists who would appreciate it in their collection?

  13. Drop it on the mayor of NYC head!!! LOL…. Love this post.. we laughed all the way through….You could paint it white and put a big bird on it in the front yard… 🙂

  14. When you decide to sell your house, set the cannonball half way into the front wall and tell prospective buyers that your house dates from the Civil War and survived a Confederate or Union (interchange as necessary) bombardment 🙂

  1. Pingback: A Canon of Creative Cannonball Uses « whatimeant2say

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