Don’t Try this at Home

People often ask me, “How do you do it all, Mrs. Cap’n Firepants?” They cannot believe that I write a daily blog (actually, I have two), am such an awesome mother and wife, and manage to somewhat control the terrible canine twosome of Wonderbutt and Mrs. Pain in the Butt. The answer is simple.

I have super powers.

You may laugh, but haven’t you wondered why I have never revealed my true identity on this blog?

Superheroes like to blog, too.

Here is proof of my superhero-ness:

We got a mattress a month ago. It had an odor. The odor did not go away.

I called the mattress company today.

“Hello, Hapless Mattress Megastore. How can I help you?”

“My mattress still smells.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like it replaced?”


“How about this afternoon?”

“Really? That fast?”


“O.K. Well, I can’t tell you my name or address because I’m a superhero.”

“No problem. ”

Well, maybe the last two lines of our exchange did not go exactly like that. But the rest was pretty much verbatim. Almost.

So, they brought the new mattress (a newer model, even!), took away the old one, and I put my superhero sniffer to the test.

The smell was gone. The old smell. Now, our mattress just smells like gasoline instead of mildewed bathroom towels.

This is just one example of my superhero powers. I would give you more, but I don’t want to give my enemies too much information.

So, if you are having a hard time doing it all, give yourself a break. Not everyone can get their smelly mattress exchanged practically immediately for another one with a different but equally potent smell. It’s a gift.

I am trusting you with this super secret photo of me. Do not show this to my enemies.
photo credit: Anna Fischer via photo pin cc


Posted on June 23, 2012, in Humor, Interior Decorating and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Please remember to use your abilities for good. With great power comes great responsibility.

  2. Dear Super woman…you are so perfect..I envy not only your age, your slim figure, your beauty and your outstanding powers.What you have achieved in getting a different smelly mattress is beyond comparison and could only be done by one such as yourself xxxx

  3. Do you hire out your powers? I have money.

  4. I have almost no sense of smell. May I have your new mattress? I’ll give it a good home!

  5. I’m thinking modesty may not be one of your superpowers, Super Hero Person.

  6. With your super powers you’d think they would think twice about giving you a mattress that smells.

  7. Chancy and Mumsy

    Seems you need to use your super power to zoom that mattress right back to them, get your money back and try another mattress store. Hugs

  8. I would warn Cap’n Firepants that this new mattress smells like a fire hazard and let him take it from there…well, at least you could get a sniffer sensitivity rating from him 🙂

  9. Gasoline?! What the heck kind of store did you go to?

  10. Wow, what great powers you have!!! I am impressed… now how do I get that superheroine in the picture to come recue me.. hehehhe (Ginger wrote this.. not me.. er… not dad! LOL)
    Your friends,
    the collies and chuck 🙂

  11. Oh no! Not again! You do have special powers for that to happen.

    Bella and DiDi

  12. Hahahaha! I always suspected! 🙂 I like your super secret photo. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me! 🙂

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