A Canon of Creative Cannonball Uses

Regarding yesterday’s post, “Murder by Mattress“, my husband, Cap’n Firepants, insists that I must be the one trying to kill him – considering that the mattress seems to be more harmful to his health than mine.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would find a much faster way to do it than making you sleep on a mattress that makes you walk crooked for 10 years,” was my reply.  I decided not to list the dozen alternative ways that immediately come to mind for expediting someone’s death.  I don’t want him to become paranoid or anything.

I stand by my original theory that he is out to get me – not the other way around.

I figure that, before my untimely demise, I should probably give out the award I promised for the Most Creative Way to Use a Cannonball.  Although there were many viable entries, I decided to go with El Guapo because he gave me a whopping total of 5 ideas.  This is what he came up with:

-Attach a chain to it. whenever you or Cap’n have to be somewhere and the other can’t make it, bring it as the old ball and chain
-Put it in a cannon on the lawn and point it conspicuously at the annoying neighbor du jour
-If there are any markings on it, you might be able to track down some information on it
-Hang it in the school yard for bad-child tetherball
-Paint it like a balloon and use it for your delightful “lead balloon” comedy/variety show

This leads me to jump to some not-so-obvious conclusions about Guap:

• He has much experience with cannonballs
• He has not lived next to our annoying neighbors, who would not be even the slightest bit cowed by such a subtle hint as a cannon aimed at their abode
• He wants me to get sued
• He really wants the prize that I offered

I am going to assume that it was the last one, because the “I Wonderbutt, Do You?” award is highly coveted and very rare.

So, here you go, Guap.  Take good care of it.

(I won’t tell you which of Guap’s suggestions I am going to take, but I will tell you that our neighbors, the Clampetts, are, at this moment, making a heckuva lot of noise – and eBay’s cannon listings will be my next stop after publishing this post.)

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