The way we usually plan a date:
“Hey, Dimples got invited to a friend’s house tonight. Want to go out?”
we I planned last Friday’s date:
“Hey, Dimples apparently lost all of her friends, which I’m sure has nothing to do with the fact that we have spent our summer battling smelly mattresses, so I guess we need to hire a babysitter if we ever want to be alone with each other again. Want to go out?”
The way our date went:
By 8:30, we were done with dinner. It was a fine meal. Just the two of us in a booth beside a bar filled with hundreds of vivacious people who did not get my memo about my plans to be alone with Cap’n Firepants.
“What are we going to do now?” Cap’n Firepants asked me as he set down his fork. He read out available movies from his phone, and I shook my head.
“We could just go home,” I suggested. I had already bombarded him with every topic that I could think of that could not be discussed in front of Dimples or at 10:00 at night when I am busy “studying” The Daily Show in order to better understand the fine points of comedic timing. So, I had accomplished my agenda for the evening.
The problem with having a babysitter is that
you we find it a tad embarrassing to arrive home when it’s still daylight. Even though it would save us money and the babysitter would be thrilled to go home and get ready for a “real” night on the town.
“Let’s go get coffee,” Cap’n Firepants suggested.
I spent 15 minutes trying to persuade him to try a new local coffee place by our house. It took 15 minutes to drive there. It was closed.
“We could try the Starbucks on Blanco,” I said.
“That’s a drive-thru.”
“No, the one on the other side. It’s sit-down.”
“There’s one on the other side?”
“How did I not know there was one on the other side?”
“I don’t know.”
So, we drove there. It was closed, too.
So, we drove back past the local one that was closed to a Starbucks a bit farther that was open.
We were home by 10. It was dark outside, but I got the feeling that the babysitter was not impressed by our fortitude. Fortunately, she did not seem to suspect that we spent half the evening driving around and trying to think of something to do so we wouldn’t look lame.
The way our dates usually go if they are t0o close together:
The next day, Dimples got invited to a friend’s house.
We didn’t even go through the motions of a date. I walked through the living room. Cap’n Firepants was watching The Matrix. He has watched this 967.34 times. I did not care to watch it again.
“Want to watch the new Sherlock Holmes movie?” I asked.
“There’s a new one? Did we ever see the first one?”
“How did I not remember that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it PG-13?”
“Why? Are you afraid it’s going to give you nightmares?”
I get a glare.
“Why don’t you just keep watching The Matrix?” I suggested.
At least that date was cheaper.