I Have a Razor and I’m Not Afraid to Use It

“This all comes from having a husband who has a sketchy history with lizards.” This is what I was thinking Sunday night when I was in the middle of risking my life on the mean streets of Boston.

My day started early in the a.m when I started getting ready for my trip to Boston.

In the middle of my shower, I decided I should shave my legs in case my plane crashed. Then, I told myself that I needed to remember to pack a razor. Then I put my foot on my little teak table in my shower. And then I bent down and was face to face with a lizard.

I am not freaked out by lizards – though it is somewhat disconcerting to find one in my shower. I responded to this surprise visit by finishing my business, and then grabbing Cap’n Firepants’ phone from his bedside table so I could take a picture.

“Whadrudoin?” the Cap’n sleepily asked.

“Documenting the lizard in our shower.”

It’s a testament to Cap’n Firepants that he did not ask any follow up questions.

A few minutes later, the Cap’n got up to take his shower.

“Where is the lizard?” he asked.

“Why?” I said, cautiously. Actually, I think I said, “Why? Don’t you dare kill him. He’s cute.” The Cap’n and I differ on the treatment of varmint trespassers. He likes to squish them under his foot, while I generally pick them up and take them outside.

“So I don’t step on him by accident,” he responded, to my relief.

The point of this whole story is that I completely forgot to pack my razor, due to my fear that Cap’n Firepants might squish the unfortunate lizard in our shower. This is what I realized when I reached my Boston hotel later that evening after my exciting adventures barely evading the law for flying under an assumed name that wasn’t even my choice to assume in the first place. (See yesterday’s post for that fun story.)

So I decided to make a trek around 8:30 at night to the local CVS pharmacy.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned before that I completely lack any kind of map-reading skills, night sight, or sense of direction. Or common sense.

Oh, and I was alone.

Of course I went 10 blocks in the wrong direction at the beginning of my trek. But I finally found the CVS with the help of the good people of Harvard Square.

There were some decidedly unacademic looking people hanging out at the CVS.

Quite a few seemed to be having an attack of the munchies.

But I made it back to the hotel safe and sound, and confident in the fact that I would have smooth legs during my first day on the Harvard campus.

Now I am going to include a picture of the lizard and, in retrospect, it really wasn’t worth risking my life to take. I am telling you this now because I don’t know how to make captions on my pics using the WordPress iPad app.



Posted on July 9, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Family, Humor, Marriage, Phobia, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. and a very nice lizard he is….chosen a good home to live in unless WB spots him first

  2. A small lizard he is not! Has Wonderbutt caught a glimpse of him yet?

  3. i thought the end of the story would be, it wasn’t a lizzard it was a (insert harmless household object here) the number of times typist has had her better half remove scary fluff or threads!!

    I am glad you did not die on the trip of death for a razor!

  4. Catch it! It appears to be some kind of gecko and not a native species AT ALL. The only lizard in Massachusetts is a 5-lined skink, and that ain’t it!

  5. All the way to Boston to go to a CVS. You should’ve taken a step up and gone to Walgreens.

  6. Aw, what a cute lizard! Totally worth it. 🙂

  7. Sorry, I don’t like lizards! I would have had Jason try to catch it- but those things are super fast. I know they eat bugs and all but they are so creepy.

  8. I can tell you I would NOT shower with that thing. Cute outside, not in my shower. Are you kidding me that was in your house? I don’t think I’ll ever move from NC. We just deal with bugs in the house, little ones.

  9. He is a cute lizard! I’m glad the Cap’n didn’t squish him. Plus that’s just gross to clean up…
    Your CVS run sounds like quite the adventure!

  10. So a freaking lizard got in my house today. I immediately thought of this post. I am just glad it wasn’t in my shower and that your post was not about something larger and deadly. Oh, the drama. It was three inches long and my son told me to stop screaming because I was scaring it. We got it out. I can sleep tonight.

  11. AH! It’s a GECKO! Those are my favorite favorite! (I was on vacation, just catching up on your posts now… hope you aren’t getting a zillion notifications now as I “like” all your posts 🙂 )

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