I May Have Frizzy Hair, But at Least I Still Have a Husband
I got a blow-out at the hair salon the other day. Loved it. (Blow-out, dirty-minded people.)
So, I decided to replicate the procedure at home. 45 minutes later, I finished, and marched out into the living room to show my blown-out bombshell self to the family.
Cap’n Firepants smiled that “I love you so much, you sexy lady” smile and came up and kissed me.
“So, you decided to go with the frizzy look today?” he whispered in my ear.
And this is where I am going to give you the Secret to a Good Marriage – The Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration (the politically correct version of The Little White Lie).
Novices might think that Cap’n Firepants should never have said that my hair looked frizzy. BUT THAT WOULD BE WRONG.
Novices might think I should be mad at Cap’n Firepants for calling my hair frizzy. AND THAT WOULD BE RIGHT.
Novices might think I should tell Cap’n Firepants off for calling my hair frizzy. AND THAT WOULD BE RIGHT – BUT NOT RIGHT NOW.
“No, I’m not finished with it yet. Just heating up the flat iron,” I said, sweetly. (Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration – I was heating up, just not heating up the flat iron.)
Here’s why this carefully chosen Exaggeration was important: Because I like Cap’n Firepants telling me the truth so I don’t look like an idiot when I go out in public. And if I get hopping’ mad at Cap’n Firepants for telling me the truth, then he will stop telling me the truth. So, I act like I appreciate his candidness, and suck up my hurt feelings until later.
LATER:
“For crying out loud, Cap’n Firepants, how many times do I have to ask you to STOP EATING ALL OF THE ICE CREAM? IS THIS YOUR WAY OF SAYING YOU WANT A DIVORCE?!!!”
This has two positive results – I get to finally release my anger about the frizzy hair comment, and he will buy more ice cream the next time he goes to the store.
It’s a win/win situation.
The Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration – no marriage can survive without it.
Me – with frizzy hair. People tell Jennifer Aniston that she looks like me all of the time.
photo credit: http://www.nydailynews.com (I don’t know how the NY Daily News got my picture since I live in San Antonio.)
Posted on July 24, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Humor, Marriage, Relationships and tagged Cap'n Firepants, Caucasian Exaggeration, frizzy, hair, humor, marriage, relationships, White Lie. Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.
I always try to go as long as possible without washing my hair after a salon day. It’s the only time my hair looks remotely nice.
Me too. But a blow-out only lasts one day for me. Once I’ve slept on it, all is lost!
A cunning plan – and you get more ice cream out of it. Next time, please have a double portion since I can’t have any, being dairy-free and all.
Jennifer does seem to be featuring an awful lot. I’m impressed. In my world, I think it would be Janeane Garofalo (angry but very clever!)
Actually Jennifer Aniston is pretty much my polar opposite. Which is why I like to use her. Don’t want any clever internet detectives figuring out what I really look like! 😉
Does that mean you really do look like a hamster?
I don’t know. Jennifer Aniston looks slightly like a hamster, so if I did, too, that would not be the polar opposite. I think I would describe myself as a penguin with the temperament of a hamster. You know, one of those penguins with the weird topknot thing on their heads.
(Laughing down here) – now you’re just trying to confuse me. It’s working!
I just confused myself, too. I was going to say that I’m a “polar” bear because of the whole “polar opposite” comment, but then I remembered that I hate being cold, so that analogy totally didn’t work!
HE is a keeper. And your plan is ideal.
I mostly keep him because he does the grocery shopping.
Great plan… you and Ginger are both plotters… 🙂 I had to laugh at how you made a win/win… 🙂
Yes, I definitely have a lot of affinity for Ginger. Though I usually think of my plots after I’ve accidentally perpetrated them.
“No large caucasian exaggeration” made me laugh.
But the title of your post made me cry. You see, I have perfectly lovely, straight hair, and yet I still find myself without a husband. My wife is cool with that, though.
Well, since you have a Tiny Lies section on your blog, I guess you are somewhat familiar with them. Even though they are not Caucasian. But that’s okay. I’m not bigoted about lies or anything.
Love this!
You must think I’m a maniac for obsessing about stupid trivia like this!
You are a rather lovely maniac though!
Gee thanks. I think 🙂
I hope the mental institution agrees with you when they come to take me away…
Oh HAIR! There’s nothing that makes me cry more.
You and I are totally united on this one, Sister!
Amen!
Are you amen-ing more ice cream or Not Large Caucasian Exaggerations? Or, frizzy hair?
Yes
I think your writing is great
Thank you! I’m blushing!
I nominated you for the lovely blog award!
OMG!! Look at the frizzy hair! Good thing you have a husband! Just kidding. lol…I like the look. Kinda looks like a frizzy-haired Jennifer Aniston.
Yes, I kept the hair at bay while we were dating, and then let all heck break loose after the wedding day.
You crack me up! Hair, it’s why mine is very, very short. I could never pull off that J. Aniston look as well as you can.
When I have short hair, I look like a chipmunk – or a hamster. Chubby cheeks.
Why can’t we ever recreate what they do to our hair in salons? Sometimes I consider going to beauty school purely for that reason.
I KNOW! I totally have thought of that before. And mechanic school – so I don’t have to rely on them to tell me what’s wrong with my car. And medical school so… Well, you get the point.
Never thought about handling it that way…great idea. I always wondered who Jennifer Aniston looked like. 🙂 You give me such good laughs…thank you for sharing all your wonderful humor. Hugs
I am practically Jennifer Aniston’s doppelgänger. Or, she is mine. I’m not sure how that works.
“Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration”… snork! 🙂
Thanks. I even googled it to see if I was the first person ever to coin that phrase. According to my first twenty results, I am a pioneer.
Love it!
Thank you!
I nominated you for the lovely blog award.
Awesome! You are so funny! 🙂
Best term ever! You have coined a bit of brilliance right there, it just rolls off the tongue, plus there’s ice cream and venting anger involved. What could be better?!
Thanks for helping me to see things in a diernffet light.