I May Have Frizzy Hair, But at Least I Still Have a Husband

I got a blow-out at the hair salon the other day.  Loved it.  (Blow-out, dirty-minded people.)

So, I decided to replicate the procedure at home.  45 minutes later, I finished, and marched out into the living room to show my blown-out bombshell self to the family.

Cap’n Firepants smiled that “I love you so much, you sexy lady” smile and came up and kissed me.

“So, you decided to go with the frizzy look today?” he whispered in my ear.

And this is where I am going to give you the Secret to a Good Marriage – The Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration (the politically correct version of The Little White Lie).

Novices might think that Cap’n Firepants should never have said that my hair looked frizzy.  BUT THAT WOULD BE WRONG.

Novices might think I should be mad at Cap’n Firepants for calling my hair frizzy.  AND THAT WOULD BE RIGHT.

Novices might think I should tell Cap’n Firepants off for calling my hair frizzy.  AND THAT WOULD BE RIGHT – BUT NOT RIGHT NOW.

“No, I’m not finished with it yet.  Just heating up the flat iron,” I said, sweetly. (Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration – I was heating up, just not heating up the flat iron.)

Here’s why this carefully chosen Exaggeration was important:  Because I like Cap’n Firepants telling me the truth so I don’t look like an idiot when I go out in public.  And if I get hopping’ mad at Cap’n Firepants for telling me the truth, then he will stop telling me the truth.  So, I act like I appreciate his candidness, and suck up my hurt feelings until later.

LATER:

“For crying out loud, Cap’n Firepants, how many times do I have to ask you to STOP EATING ALL OF THE ICE CREAM?  IS THIS YOUR WAY OF SAYING YOU WANT A DIVORCE?!!!”

This has two positive results – I get to finally release my anger about the frizzy hair comment, and he will buy more ice cream the next time he goes to the store.

It’s a win/win situation.

The Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration – no marriage can survive without it.

Me – with frizzy hair. People tell Jennifer Aniston that she looks like me all of the time.
photo credit: http://www.nydailynews.com (I don’t know how the NY Daily News got my picture since I live in San Antonio.)

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Posted on July 24, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Humor, Marriage, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. I always try to go as long as possible without washing my hair after a salon day. It’s the only time my hair looks remotely nice.

  2. A cunning plan – and you get more ice cream out of it. Next time, please have a double portion since I can’t have any, being dairy-free and all.

    Jennifer does seem to be featuring an awful lot. I’m impressed. In my world, I think it would be Janeane Garofalo (angry but very clever!)

  3. HE is a keeper. And your plan is ideal.

  4. Great plan… you and Ginger are both plotters… 🙂 I had to laugh at how you made a win/win… 🙂

  5. “No large caucasian exaggeration” made me laugh.
    But the title of your post made me cry. You see, I have perfectly lovely, straight hair, and yet I still find myself without a husband. My wife is cool with that, though.

    • Well, since you have a Tiny Lies section on your blog, I guess you are somewhat familiar with them. Even though they are not Caucasian. But that’s okay. I’m not bigoted about lies or anything.

  6. Oh HAIR! There’s nothing that makes me cry more.

  7. I think your writing is great

  8. OMG!! Look at the frizzy hair! Good thing you have a husband! Just kidding. lol…I like the look. Kinda looks like a frizzy-haired Jennifer Aniston.

  9. You crack me up! Hair, it’s why mine is very, very short. I could never pull off that J. Aniston look as well as you can.

  10. Why can’t we ever recreate what they do to our hair in salons? Sometimes I consider going to beauty school purely for that reason.

    • I KNOW! I totally have thought of that before. And mechanic school – so I don’t have to rely on them to tell me what’s wrong with my car. And medical school so… Well, you get the point.

  11. Chancy and Mumsy

    Never thought about handling it that way…great idea. I always wondered who Jennifer Aniston looked like. 🙂 You give me such good laughs…thank you for sharing all your wonderful humor. Hugs

  12. “Not Large Caucasian Exaggeration”… snork! 🙂

  13. I nominated you for the lovely blog award.

  14. Awesome! You are so funny! 🙂

  15. Best term ever! You have coined a bit of brilliance right there, it just rolls off the tongue, plus there’s ice cream and venting anger involved. What could be better?!

  16. Thanks for helping me to see things in a diernffet light.

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