A Public Service Announcement for Hamsters and Hypochondriacs

I was happily painting my toe-nails and reading my Oprah magazine when I realized that I need more testosterone.

(Ha.  That would be a very funny statement coming from a guy, wouldn’t it?)

I am not a guy.

As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac, I often discover that I need new treatment for my heretofore undiagnosed diseases that my lazy doctors are unable to cure.  So, it was with great delight that I read an article in Oprah that identified all of my current symptoms (plus or minus 3 or 4) and the underlying cause – low testosterone.

I informed my hair stylist of this revelation.  My hair stylist is suffering from the same exact symptoms.  He is a guy.  A gay guy.  He thinks I may be on to something.

My husband thinks that I am off of something – my rocker.

Here are the symptoms – just in case you are interested in diagnosing yourself:  depression, severe lack of energy, inability to focus, blah, blah, blah.  See?!!!!  You need more testosterone, too.

Wait a second.

I’m watching David Letterman, and he says I’m a hamster, and that’s why I’m depressed.

No, he’s a hamster.

No – hamsters that were exposed to late night television showed brain activity that resembles depression.

I wonder who the hamsters were watching.

See?!!!  Inability to focus.  Classic symptom of low testosterone levels.

If you are a hamster, and you are reading this – get thee to a testosterone testing technician immediately.  You need your energy for running on that wheel.

If you are a person, and you are reading this – get thee to a psychiatrist.

I’ll meet you there.

This hamster needs an intervention.
photo credit: http://www.thehipstermom.com

 

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Posted on July 25, 2012, in Depression, Doctors, Humor and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. I thought you looked like Jennifer Aniston… Is that what happens when your testosterone levels drop? – You start looking like a hamster?

  2. Um…as a guy who survived the teenage years, I’m pretty sure it was too much testosterone that drove me to distraction.
    Just sayin…

  3. I prefer to get my testosterone wrapped in attractive male packaging. Do you suppose Joe Mananiello is available? He had testosterone to spare as Big Dick Richie in Magic Mike…

  4. I live in a house awash with testosterone. I’ll send you some! This post had me laughing all the way :).

  5. Ah – my problem is solved!

  6. We need some new boyfriends.
    Bella and DiDi

  7. See you at the shrink!

  8. They should make testosterone pills!

  9. Mental and funny! I think I am in love! 😀 Awesome blog. Total pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing it! ❤

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