A Public Service Announcement for Hamsters and Hypochondriacs
I was happily painting my toe-nails and reading my Oprah magazine when I realized that I need more testosterone.
(Ha. That would be a very funny statement coming from a guy, wouldn’t it?)
I am not a guy.
As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac, I often discover that I need new treatment for my heretofore undiagnosed diseases that my lazy doctors are unable to cure. So, it was with great delight that I read an article in Oprah that identified all of my current symptoms (plus or minus 3 or 4) and the underlying cause – low testosterone.
I informed my hair stylist of this revelation. My hair stylist is suffering from the same exact symptoms. He is a guy. A gay guy. He thinks I may be on to something.
My husband thinks that I am off of something – my rocker.
Here are the symptoms – just in case you are interested in diagnosing yourself: depression, severe lack of energy, inability to focus, blah, blah, blah. See?!!!! You need more testosterone, too.
Wait a second.
I’m watching David Letterman, and he says I’m a hamster, and that’s why I’m depressed.
No, he’s a hamster.
No – hamsters that were exposed to late night television showed brain activity that resembles depression.
I wonder who the hamsters were watching.
See?!!! Inability to focus. Classic symptom of low testosterone levels.
If you are a hamster, and you are reading this – get thee to a testosterone testing technician immediately. You need your energy for running on that wheel.
If you are a person, and you are reading this – get thee to a psychiatrist.
I’ll meet you there.
This hamster needs an intervention.
photo credit: http://www.thehipstermom.com
Posted on July 25, 2012, in Depression, Doctors, Humor and tagged David Letterman, depression, hamster, humor, hypochondria, late night television, testosterone. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.
whatimeant2say 
I thought you looked like Jennifer Aniston… Is that what happens when your testosterone levels drop? – You start looking like a hamster?
Based on my most recent research – yes.
Um…as a guy who survived the teenage years, I’m pretty sure it was too much testosterone that drove me to distraction.
Just sayin…
See – I noticed that little discrepancy too. I think someone messed up with that study.
I prefer to get my testosterone wrapped in attractive male packaging. Do you suppose Joe Mananiello is available? He had testosterone to spare as Big Dick Richie in Magic Mike…
I haven’t seen Magic Mike, so I had to look up Joe M. Yum.
I live in a house awash with testosterone. I’ll send you some! This post had me laughing all the way :).
Hmm. I wonder what the symptoms are if your testosterone is too high…
Ah – my problem is solved!
And I didn’t even charge you anything!
We need some new boyfriends.
Bella and DiDi
Wonderbutt is free. But he’s fixed. So, he’s probably not too high on the testosterone count.
See you at the shrink!
I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other already!
They should make testosterone pills!
Testosterone dark chocolate would do the trick, I think.
Mental and funny! I think I am in love! 😀 Awesome blog. Total pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing it! ❤