Why I Should Have Been Chosen as Mitt Romney’s Running Mate

After a couple of glasses of wine, I have a tendency to get a bit feisty.  Cap’n Firepants tends to avoid conflict, but when we’re stuck in a booth together at a fancy restaurant, I don’t give him a whole lot of choice.  

Me:  So, gun control.

Cap’n Firepants (eyeing me cautiously across the table):  What about it?

Me:  Assault weapons seem to be a bit controversial.

Cap’n Firepants:  Yes.

Me:  I think it’s ridiculous for an ordinary person to own one.  But I can kind of see why we should have the right.

Cap’n Firepants (incredulously):  You can?

Me:  Well, if the government people are the only one that can own them, then they can take us over any time.  What am I gonna do – shoot down an AK-747 with my starter pistol?

Cap’n Firepants:  I never really thought about it that way.

Me:  Well, you obviously don’t read dystopian teenage novels in which the government force adolescents to kill each other in a sick attempt to quell rebellion.

Cap’n Firepants:  No, I really don’t.

Me:  Of course, we can’t just let every Tom, Dick, and Harry Potter own a weapon like that.  There should be some kind of control.

Cap’n Firepants:  Okay-y-y

Me:  But the government can’t be in control because then we’re just gonna have the same problem.  They can stick it to the man anytime.

Cap’n Firepants: I don’t really know what to say to that.

Me:  Don’t worry.  I’ve got it figured out.  I think the NRA should be in charge.

Cap’n Firepants:  The NRA?

Me:  Yeah.  Think about it.  It’s perfect.  They’re the ones trying to keep the government out of it, so they should be the ones responsible for what happens when the guns get in the wrong hands.

Cap’n Firepants:  Hmm.

Me:  And if someone goes crazy, they should have to suffer the consequences.

Cap’n Firepants:  The NRA?

Me:  Of course.  Checks and Balances, you know.  You really need to read your Constitution more often.

Cap’n Firepants: Again, really not sure what to say.

Me:  Aren’t you lucky?  Aren’t you glad you married such an out-of-the-box thinker?

Cap’n Firepants:  You’re out-of-the-box, alright.

I’d make a great running mate – as long as you don’t run too fast.
photo credit: Sangudo via photo pin cc

Posted on August 13, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Humor, Politics and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. You and Tammy would be perfect running mates… for a variety of reasons. hahaha…

    The first of which is wine… and she runs slow too.

  2. Cap’n Firepants is a very lucky man!
    Bella and DiDi

  3. Jogging mate. You should just run for president!

  4. Cap’n Firepants is a very tolerant man – haha!

  5. The thinking is perfectly logical to me.

  6. wait. how many glasses of wine? cap’n firepants responses are classic.

  7. Romney to pro-gun, but anti-wine though.

  8. lol I like the way you think!

  9. What happened next? The conversation was just getting interesting 🙂

  10. Does the Cap’n know how lucky he is? His wife should run for president and not waste time as VP.

  11. I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets a little fiesty after a few glasses of wine. 😉 Maybe we can just run together and forget all those silly politicians!! I run slow too.

  12. Now there’s an interesting proposal!

  13. “Well, you obviously don’t read dystopian teenage novels in which the government force adolescents to kill each other in a sick attempt to quell rebellion.” HA! Love it.

    • Thank you! I was particularly proud of that sentence, especially after two glasses of wine. For some reasons, my syllables increase proportionally to the amount of alcohol I drink.

  14. SSFAM – I reckon this one may get you onto The Daily Show… Should I send it in?

  15. I would comment, but I am laughing to darn hard!!! LOL

  16. You need to skip the running mate and just become president.

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