A Mahvelous Wardrobe Malfunction

I don’t know about you, but when people tell me that I look good, I get cocky.

Then I walk through a paint pan, or drip oil on my silk shirt, or break a heel off my shoe.

So it went the first day of working at my new school this year.

When I walked into the kitchen that morning, Dimples gave me a thumbs up, and the Cap’n told me I looked “hot”.  I felt great for about 5 seconds, then realized that they had both just sealed the coffin shut on my first day.  I have never once escaped the Compliment Curse, and I knew this day would be no different.  The more I needed to look “hot”, the less “hot” I was going to be…

I brought Dimples to school, and we parted in the hallway.  She is a morning patrol this year and I, well, I had to do something to look official on my first day.

I wandered around greeting parents and helping people find classrooms, then meandered back to my classroom to start work.  As a GT teacher, I don’t have any students the first couple of days.  But, I have plenty of work.

After a couple of hours of going cross-eyed with paperwork and basking in my “hotness”, I decided I deserved a break.  I walked to the main building, which, as we established in my last post, is the exact distance from my portable as Mars is from Texas.  Yes, Mars the planet.

In the Teacher’s Lounge, I passed a mirror.  And that’s when I saw it.

The entire raggedy hem of my skirt was hanging down in the rear.  Not attractive.  Not professional.  And definitely not hot.

My first thought was, “Wow, I wish I had a sewing kit here at school.”  Dumb.

A.  I don’t know how to sew.  2.  Where exactly did I think I was going to take off my skirt so I could sew it back together? I certainly couldn’t do it in my classroom, and people were bound to get suspicious if I barricaded the bathroom door for an  hour.  And their suspicions would probably be worse than my actual predicament.  AND, being able to sew doesn’t become any easier when you are in a bathroom closet sitting on a toilet.

So, I backed my way all the way back to my portable, and emptied the drawers of my desk, praying that Neumo, our classroom pet cockroach, would not leap into my face to make my day truly complete.

The tape drawer showed the most promise.  I had lime green duct tape I had borrowed from Dimples for some classroom decorating.  I imagined myself on Project Runway modeling my new lime green raincoat skirt with masking tape pockets.  Definitely hot.  Too bad I didn’t have the roll of leopard tape, too…

But, then I noticed my “mavelus tape“, and decided to give that a try instead.  I taped my hem, and then strategically placed a bunch of not-so-straight-because-I-use-them-on-my-bulletin-board-pins throughout the entire skirt.  As you can imagine, this took quite a bit of finesse considering I was still wearing the skirt.

And I was in a bit of pain any time I sat down.

But that’s nothing new.

I spent the next 4 hours as a voodoo doll, wincing every time I pierced my own skin, and composing a lecture to Cap’n Firepants about how he should never, ever, under no uncertain terms call me “hot” again.

My temporary “fix” made it through the rest of the day with some minor adjustments to my walking stride that I’m certain did not make me look awkward at all.

MacGyver would be proud.  Heidi Klum?  Not so much.

Yes, my sewing skills are only equalled by my talent in photography.

Posted on August 28, 2012, in Fashion, Humor, Work and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 48 Comments.

  1. I’d have gone for the stapler. Your solution was classier.

  2. Ummm – what’s a GT teacher?

  3. Chancy and Mumsy

    Glad you found a solution and made it through the day without injury from sitting on one of those pins. Your comment just about mine just caught my eye…I disagree…you are very gifted and talented. Hugs

  4. Hilarious! I love it! As a former teacher who hasn’t worn white underwear since my own first-day-of-school “Incident” years ago (long story), I totally get the feeling of that panicky A-Ha / Uh-Oh moment. Looks like your solution worked well and got you through the day. Have a great school year.

    • Wow! I would like to hear that long story. I have a white shorts story from 8th grade that still makes me cringe in embarrassment…

      • It was just me having a wonderful 1st day of school with my 3rd graders in my brand new, very professional navy pants (with WHITE underwear underneath) and red blazer. Upstairs, downstairs, on the step stool, at the board… Good, busy day. When I got home and went to change out of my school clothes, I was suddenly looking at the FLOOR through the giant hole in my pants where the seam was never closed!! I could picture the kids answering that age old question, “How do you like your new teacher?” “….She’s nice. I saw her underwear!” UGH!

  5. At least you didn’t accidentally tuck your skirt into your underwear. That would have been much more embarrassing and noticeable. I think you solved the problem rather nicely!

  6. Oh my… I think I was actually crying on this one! Drat! The damn compliment curse strikes again. Looks like you handled it with great finesse. Kudos

  7. Not a bad solution, though you probably could have just gotten a chair that rolls and just roll around in it all day

  8. Oh you are too funny! I can visualize the contortions.

  9. I feel your pain. The last time I was “hot”, I was wearing a pair of those garterless elastic-top stockings – you know, the ones that grip your thighs like a tourniquet until your toes turn blue.

    Except… the elastic tops failed. At a black-tie gala. In the fanciest hotel in Banff. In a ballroom approximately eight miles away from our room. Surrounded by hoity-toity folks in tuxes and sequined gowns.

    I’ll never forget scuttling down miles of corridor on high heels, clutching bunched-up fistfuls of dress and stocking-tops in an attempt to keep them from falling off until I could get back to the room and change.

    A friend pointed out to me later that it would’ve been much smarter and less obvious to just take the stockings off and go back to the room bare-legged, but that didn’t occur to me. Duh.

    Did I mention I now wear nothing but jeans and sneakers?

  10. You are a champion problem-solver! Really, I probably would have left it alone but cracked jokes about it to everyone I saw, since I’d be afraid of using pins around my body in general.

    Hopefully today was the worst day of your school year. Here’s to things looking up from today.

    May you never look “hot” again!

  11. You really need to not let comments about your hotness go to your head… 🙂

  12. Great improv! Like Becomingcliche, I woujld have gone for the stapler, too, or the scotch tape, which never holds anyway. Someone once called that “fix-it walk” the Scootch. You scootch along trying to keep up whatever is trying to hang/fall down. What we do to ourselves and our nervous systems in the name of what? It’s not fashion…maybe decorum, but you know what I mean.
    Anyway, loved this post, and from what I’ve read, you have hotness to spare.

  13. Sounds like the perfect fix to me…and if a safety pin dress was good enough for Versace / Liz Hurley, I reckon that your bulletin board pin skirt could definitely count as high fashion, MacGyver. 🙂

  14. Well done you, in typists mind when you said you had put pins from your board in the skirt I though you meant thumb tacs and wondered why you would add those to your skirt, thinking you had decided to add a patern with pins!! Clearly she needs another cup of coffee or a nice padded room!

  15. I do it too. Get a compliment and BAM! Think I’m rockin’ my style! FIRST DATE WARDROBE MALFUNCTION STORY: Bought this really cute little jumper. Zipped in the back. Date picked me up, did his “you look fab” thing and we head to the theater. I’m feeling pretty good. I decided to hit the restroom before the movie and guess what? ZIPPER BROKE! Keep in mind this zipper came all the way down to the middle of my butt and that the theater was jammed packed AND I had to make the walk of shame ALL the way across the lobby trying desperately to hold together my zipper and my dignity. Needless to say we left early, both of us laughing hysterically!

  16. oh dear what a catastrophe but being the ‘mum’ of WB you used a bit of common sense and made it through the day.
    By the way ..what does WB do all day whilst you are at work..eat the new sofa?

  17. You are brilliant! This is something I’d end up doing too… Gotta love how those lovely compliments landed you in such a predicament. And Wonderbutt didn’t even get the chance to sabotage you!

  18. Had that happen more than once when I was teaching and staples work well and don’t usually poke you.

  19. Ding, ding, ding! Spread the happiness, spread the fun. You got the Sensual Blogger Award at http://consciouslyanonymous.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/its-a-bird-its-a-plane-its/ 🙂

  20. Wait – you don’t have two-sided tape in your handbag?!?
    On the bright side, this one can easily be blamed on WB.

  21. LOL….. I had to laugh at this one…. how many of us have had a wardrobe malfunction (althought since the super bowl incident I never think of them in the same way… 😦 ) but you always have a answer for everything… amazing! 🙂 Ginger however says you should’ve just pulled the fire alarm and went home.. hehehe

  22. Glad to know I’m not alone in the imperfect world of wearing clothes.

  23. Too funny! I love that the first thought that came to your mind was to sew when you don’t know how and didn’t have a place to do it.

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